Page 3 | 13 year old at boyfriends house

pinkshoes87 · 2023-04-29T16:36:52+00:00

DD13 has a boyfriend. She's been "seeing" him for a month or so. I wouldn't say it was anything serious. She isn't sexually active or anything like that. She's asked me if she can go to his house on Monday. She says his dad will be home. I said she can go if I speak to his dad first, she says I'm being unreasonable and embarassing. I'm trying to balance it between being her parent and remembering what it's like being 13. Unfortunately her dad passed away so I have nobody else to ask... I don't know how this 13 year old boy will be. I know of him as he's in her class but I don't know him. He lives locally so she's only a 5 min drive away. DD is fairly innocent and I don't think she's ever kissed a boy, I think she'd tell me if she did. However she is physically more developed than emotionally. She has a B cup and a womanly figure which obviously boys pay attention to. I don't want her to go at all if I'm honest. AIBU??

mathanxiety · 30/04/2023 03:10

tigerlily0 · 29/04/2023 23:42

Il make sure my kids go to school to educate and teach them they don't need a gf or bf. And definitely dont need to be going to their house at age 13. My parents did it with me, kept me on the straight and narrow and paid attention to everything I was doing whilst keeping boundaries and keeping an interest in my life. I survived high school without a bf, I was very popular and got A* in all my subjects too. Most of my peers and my friends were like me. The girls who had bfs that young usually ended up pregnant before the end of school.

I'm only saying this cos you asked what I would do. I'm not judging but i do believe parents have a huge responsibility of protecting their kids and keeping them on the right path age appropriate.

Agree.

What is it about having a boyfriend that your daughter values, OP?

LadyJ2023 · 30/04/2023 03:41

I aint old and will never get over a kid having a gf or bf gods sake why not instill in your kids how to stay and be kids at the correct ages not frigging bf gf stuff at 13

Joystir59 · 30/04/2023 03:54

Freefall212 · 29/04/2023 21:07

You can be aware of risk without deeming people creepy solely for existing as males. Have you never had a male in your home. Single fathers and sons can have female friends, girlriends, female colleagues, female family - it doesn't make them a creep to interact with women or to have females in their living space.

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Statistical reality is that males as a class are dangerous to women and children.

Joystir59 · 30/04/2023 03:57

I'm old school- girls of 13 don't need to have bfs.

someoneisalwaysintheloo · 30/04/2023 04:08

Of course not.

He's a horny teenager.
Protect your daughter from this.

Isthisexpected · 30/04/2023 04:32

No way would I be accommodating this relationship. From the very first mention of him I'd be saying you're too young it's not happening and filling all of her free time with girls only activities.

Motherofalittledragon · 30/04/2023 04:35

Nope definitely not. My DD has asked a few times to go over to her make friends house, she's very innocent and can't think what would happen as they are her mates, hell will freeze over before she goes off to boys houses.

Rosebel · 30/04/2023 04:55

tigerlily0 · 29/04/2023 23:42

Il make sure my kids go to school to educate and teach them they don't need a gf or bf. And definitely dont need to be going to their house at age 13. My parents did it with me, kept me on the straight and narrow and paid attention to everything I was doing whilst keeping boundaries and keeping an interest in my life. I survived high school without a bf, I was very popular and got A* in all my subjects too. Most of my peers and my friends were like me. The girls who had bfs that young usually ended up pregnant before the end of school.

I'm only saying this cos you asked what I would do. I'm not judging but i do believe parents have a huge responsibility of protecting their kids and keeping them on the right path age appropriate.

Did they? I was one of the few girls at school who didn't have a boyfriend and can honestly say only one girl in my year got pregnant and dropped out.
I'm really curious to know what age it's okay to have a boyfriend. My girls are over 13 now and 16 year old has a boyfriend and has done since she was 15. Is that too young? Or is it okay two years later?
What do parents say if your child says they have a girlfriend /boyfriend at 13? Do you just say they aren't your boyfriend /girlfriend?
I wouldn't let your daughter round to his house if you don't know the dad. Like others said drop off or pick up boyfriend and meet dad then.. I think if you say no and don't invite him round instead your daughter might well lie about where she's going next time she goes to his house.

Dilemma19 · 30/04/2023 05:00

tigerlily0 · 29/04/2023 23:29

Boyfriend at 13 - that's the problem to begin with imo

Exactly this!! She's a child. A child.

Dilemma19 · 30/04/2023 05:03

tigerlily0 · 29/04/2023 23:42

Il make sure my kids go to school to educate and teach them they don't need a gf or bf. And definitely dont need to be going to their house at age 13. My parents did it with me, kept me on the straight and narrow and paid attention to everything I was doing whilst keeping boundaries and keeping an interest in my life. I survived high school without a bf, I was very popular and got A* in all my subjects too. Most of my peers and my friends were like me. The girls who had bfs that young usually ended up pregnant before the end of school.

I'm only saying this cos you asked what I would do. I'm not judging but i do believe parents have a huge responsibility of protecting their kids and keeping them on the right path age appropriate.

I grew up exactly like this too and all my friends too which I guess helped. We were envious of two girls who were allowed to have boyfriends and oddly enough both ended up pregnant.

Yerroblemom1923 · 30/04/2023 05:20

@tigerlily0 absolutely 100% this. Fortunately my teenage dd isn't interested in boys (or girls for that matter, it seems) and I have always said education comes first. She has her whole life to date etc but GCSEs and A levels come first.
I don't agree with "boyfriends" at such a young age. Fortunately she sees the drama it causes with girls she goes to school with and really doesn't want to be part of that.
I know back when I was at school it was seen to be "cool" to have a bf (I didn't, obviously!) but I think times have moved on and girls today give the boys a wide berth and generally write them off as silly, immature and prone to mucking about.
And no, I wouldn't be happy about this scenario OP and I think if you explain why to your dd she'll understand you are only trying to keep her safe - she might not like it, but she'll know where you're coming from.

Bamboozleme · 30/04/2023 05:55

I have a 13 year old DS

You and I might as well be on different planets for how we parent OP in terms of freedom

WonderingWanda · 30/04/2023 06:04

I have a 13 yo ds and there is a large difference between 13. Most 13yo boys are interested in playing on the X box and football not girls and it's the girls pushing to declare their friendships a 'relationship' this age.

Bloopsie · 30/04/2023 06:05

I wouldnt let 13 year old a to a boys house with 2 males in the house.

Even adult women need to be cautious and should take time to know the guy before going to a mans home nevermind a little girl.

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/04/2023 06:22

Bloopsie · 30/04/2023 06:05

I wouldnt let 13 year old a to a boys house with 2 males in the house.

Even adult women need to be cautious and should take time to know the guy before going to a mans home nevermind a little girl.

Exactly. It’s not personal. This is a risk assessment and something I wouldn’t allow.

My 14, nearly 15 yo dd has asked if I’d allow her to go to a male friend’s house some time as a theoretical scenario. I’ve said yes. But there would be provisos. She’s year 10. Idk if your dd is year 8 or 9 but kids grow up and change so much year on year.

JaninaDuszejko · 30/04/2023 06:36

Would it be different if your daughter had a girlfriend and she lived alone with her single mother?

Of course it would be different. Men commit ~97% of all violent crime, all sexual assault and 100% of all rape is commited by people with penises.

YouJustDoYou · 30/04/2023 06:57

I remember some of the 11 year old boys already going on about sex, wanking etc when I was a kid (they'd got to know about it from older brother's porno mags etc), no way would I let one of my dds go alone to a teen boys house, even if he is only 13.

YouJustDoYou · 30/04/2023 06:58

"Even adult women need to be cautious and should take time to know the guy before going to a mans home nevermind a little girl"

This is a really good point. I was never taught anything like this as a young teen.

Freddiefan · 30/04/2023 07:20

When my daughter was about that age she had a boyfriend who came to our house. She took him into the front room and I was not too happy so I went and cleaned the outside of the window. Never has a window been so clean!

5128gap · 30/04/2023 07:21

Bloopsie · 30/04/2023 06:05

I wouldnt let 13 year old a to a boys house with 2 males in the house.

Even adult women need to be cautious and should take time to know the guy before going to a mans home nevermind a little girl.

Especially as we know from the age many of us started to be subject to sexual harassment ourselves, catcalling, stares, comments, beeping, (13 for me) that there are many men out there who don't view a physically mature 13 year old as a 'little girl'. It stands to reason many of these men will be someone's dad.

Whitegrenache · 30/04/2023 07:23

Freefall212 · 29/04/2023 18:24

It isn’t creepy at all and that is a really unhealthy view of men. He is a single father with a son and having people over to your home is normal and no different from you having his on over. He isn’t creepy for being a single father.

And no, I would not send a 13 year old to her boyfriends house.

Well said.

Whitegrenache · 30/04/2023 07:29

Can I just say that whilst I agree perhaps going to his house is not appropriate...all this talk of hormones and horny boys is making me feel uncomfortable

I have a just turned 14yr DS and I have thought him about consent and appropriate sexual activity for his age.

I am getting a vibe or theme of male dislike in this thread which makes me sad. I also have a teenaged DD17 so I get anxiety around protecting our kids

katyperryseyelid · 30/04/2023 07:32

From the other side, as a mother who raised a teenage son, I would not have let him have a girl over at 13, regardless of if I was in the house (and I was always in the house with his younger sibling).

And hell would have frozen over before dh would have been comfortable with him and ds in the house alone with a girl. It’s not something he ever would have felt comfortable with.

13 year olds with boyfriends/girlfriends is absolutely ridiculous and not something I would tolerate or encourage. My son was 18 before he started dating - he’s always said he’s glad he waited after seeing the experiences of his friends, male and female.

Whitegrenache · 30/04/2023 07:33

What I mean by uncomfortable is that most teenaged boys and men don't go around raping and abusing girls/women - yes they are horny but should be able to and can control themselves if a girl says no.

Also have any of you thought that perhaps sexual activity at this age can take place anywhere not just in a home!

Talk to you daughters about consent, saying no, and keeping themselves safe and making correct choices.

Teenagers will always have BF/GF and it's up to us as parents to educate them about healthy age appropriate sexual relationship be it if they are male or female

Slavica · 30/04/2023 07:34

Whitegrenache · 30/04/2023 07:29

Can I just say that whilst I agree perhaps going to his house is not appropriate...all this talk of hormones and horny boys is making me feel uncomfortable

I have a just turned 14yr DS and I have thought him about consent and appropriate sexual activity for his age.

I am getting a vibe or theme of male dislike in this thread which makes me sad. I also have a teenaged DD17 so I get anxiety around protecting our kids

Thank you! All parents of boys should do the same.
There are a few boys my daughter knows I would be worried about, but most are well brought up and, while sexual urges are normal in both girl and boy teens, consent and mutuality need to be taught as the most important characteristics of physical relationships.