Page 9 | To go for a drink with friends dad

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 2023-04-28T10:55:33+00:00

Iv been friends with this friend for ever and her dad has always been there for me and has messaged me a few times over the years but it's just been jokey flirty stuff nothing much of anything and he messaged me this morning to go round for a few drinks tonight. I want to go but I don't know how my friend will react. Yanbu. Do what you want its nobody's business Yabu. You don't cross that line with a friends dad

dottiedodah · 28/04/2023 13:09

Are all the friends dads suddenly hot or something? Last week a lady shagged her friends FIL at her friends wedding! Sounds a little dodgy to me 20 years is a big old age gap.Friend wouldnt be too pleased I dont think

JorisBonson · 28/04/2023 13:09

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 13:07

He never did anything while I was 11 though

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That really doesn't make it alright.

DirectionToPerfection · 28/04/2023 13:09

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 13:07

He never did anything while I was 11 though

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That's not the point.

He has known you since you were a child, knows you're vulnerable and knows you're his daughter's friend. He's disgusting and clearly doesn't give a shit about you or his daughter.

MsRosley · 28/04/2023 13:09

Yeah, sure, if you want to trash your friendship and act like a prize arsehole, go right ahead, OP.

Raindancer411 · 28/04/2023 13:10

In my eyes, you cannot think much of your friend if you are prepared to throw it all away and even possibly wreck her relationship with her dad. Things like this have a way of coming out.

Obviously you will do what you want, but just think it all through properly and decide what you may lose, compared to a small gain.

Original poster

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 13:12

dottiedodah · 28/04/2023 13:09

Are all the friends dads suddenly hot or something? Last week a lady shagged her friends FIL at her friends wedding! Sounds a little dodgy to me 20 years is a big old age gap.Friend wouldnt be too pleased I dont think

Older men are hot

OP posts:

Munchyseeds2 · 28/04/2023 13:12

This is only going to end badly but I have a feeling nothing anyone says will stop you doing it

Original poster

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 13:13

Munchyseeds2 · 28/04/2023 13:12

This is only going to end badly but I have a feeling nothing anyone says will stop you doing it

I don't think any of you are understanding properly

OP posts:

SleepingStandingUp · 28/04/2023 13:13

.you're an adult and you can absolutely have a drink tonight and fuck him on the family sofa in between texts to his daughter about how you're having a quiet night in.

But you need to stop trying to Implode your life.

Do you think you deserve happiness?

First the mates ex, now a mates Dad. Got anyone will an 18+ son and you can get the whole set.

This, at BEST, will be any other tear in the fragile fabric of your life. At worse, I'll will pull everything down around you.

GoodChat · 28/04/2023 13:14

What are we not understanding properly?

Womencanlift · 28/04/2023 13:14

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 13:07

He never did anything while I was 11 though

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Replies like this show that you are not even acknowledging the advice people are giving you or the concerns they are raising

So you obviously don’t give a shit and will do it anyway (so no point in engaging with you) or you are enjoying winding everyone up

You do you but it’s not going to end well at all

Outdamnspot23 · 28/04/2023 13:15

Only you can know whether this person (your friend) is important enough to you, that you'll miss her if she discovers this and is yucked out about it.

The point I wanted to make is that the friend's dad is probably one of the men who - most in the world - understands exactly how vulnerable you are. You're young, grew up in care, no family, BPD, drinking, kids who don't live with you full time, you sound really lonely. He's seen a view of your life unfolding through his adult eyes for 15 years. He was older when you met him than you are even now. So believe it he knows the extent of it. It is really worrying behaviour that he is now pursuing a romantic relationship with you, because I imagine there's a serious power imbalance between you. How's his life? Is it more sorted than yours?

I worry that men who pursue women who are having the range of difficulties you are, mainly do it because they want someone who won't have the energy or self-esteem to stand up for themselves. Because they want control.

updin · 28/04/2023 13:16

Older men are hot

It sounds like from your previous posts you had a very challenging childhood and lack of father figure, the way you're behaving right now is likely a direct result of that and why you feel we are all so at odds with you. If it was a few lone opinions I could see the confusion, but the majority are saying the same thing, does that mean nothing or do you really think we "don't get it"? What's to get exactly?

Name99 · 28/04/2023 13:16

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 13:13

I don't think any of you are understanding properly

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I don't think you are understanding properly.
Does it not say something to you when pretty much 99% of people are saying its not a good idea?

RoysSisterShireeSauce · 28/04/2023 13:16

If people have read ALL of OP’s posts on both thread you will see she has mental health issues she is dealing with.

@Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy please stop posting on MN, you will only get vicious comments. Get some more help and work on yourself.

Screwballs · 28/04/2023 13:17

mexicanandafewdrinks · 28/04/2023 12:06

for what its worth I slept with my friends grandad after his 70th birthday party and nothing bad happened from that.

That is vile.

Original poster

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 13:17

GoodChat · 28/04/2023 13:14

What are we not understanding properly?

Where both adults we both like each other, he never did anything inappropriate when I was a kid and the only thing that is putting any doubt in my head is my friend as Iv recently just lost some friends and don't want to lose her so was thinking of mentioning it to her which now I obviously won't based on how you've all reacted

OP posts:

GoodChat · 28/04/2023 13:20

OP; you've got a 10 year old. That's 1 year younger than you were when you met him.

Say, for example, your 10 year old leans on their friends parents for support because of their chaotic childhood, then in 10 years time tells you they're sleeping with one of those parents, what the first thing you'll think?

BridgetsBigPants · 28/04/2023 13:20

Op this isn't a good idea. It is your BPD speaking. You will hurt your friend and hurt yourself even more if you go through with it.

Also if this man knows your history and actually cares about you, why is he asking you over for a drink? You have said that alcohol is a major issue for you. He is praying on a vulnerable person he has known since she was 11. It is so wrong.

Womencanlift · 28/04/2023 13:21

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 13:17

Where both adults we both like each other, he never did anything inappropriate when I was a kid and the only thing that is putting any doubt in my head is my friend as Iv recently just lost some friends and don't want to lose her so was thinking of mentioning it to her which now I obviously won't based on how you've all reacted

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We do understand, we just don’t agree that is the difference

Your view of the world is different from the norm and that’s what people are pointing it. That may be due to your history, your bpd or just different experiences but when multiple people tell you the same thing it would be good to acknowledge they may have a point. Not just “you don’t understand”

HungryandIknowit · 28/04/2023 13:22

YABU. Friends don't do this to each other.

Falt · 28/04/2023 13:22

@Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy I understand. Totally get it. I remember fancying friends dads and teachers when I was young.

But please think back to how you felt the last bank holiday weekend when you slept with your friends ex. Was it actually worth it? In the moment it probably seemed like it was but how about that night? The next day?

You know you're just inviting that feeling back into your life. All for a quick boost.

It's really sad to read .

MsRosley · 28/04/2023 13:24

BridgetsBigPants · 28/04/2023 13:20

Op this isn't a good idea. It is your BPD speaking. You will hurt your friend and hurt yourself even more if you go through with it.

Also if this man knows your history and actually cares about you, why is he asking you over for a drink? You have said that alcohol is a major issue for you. He is praying on a vulnerable person he has known since she was 11. It is so wrong.

Totally agree. OP, if you don't step back from situations like these, which will inevitably cause pain and drama to yourself and other people, your life will continue to be hurtful and chaotic. Is there a counsellor you could go and discuss this, and why you feel so drawn to doing something that will inevitably hurt both you and your friend.

Original poster

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 13:24

GoodChat · 28/04/2023 13:20

OP; you've got a 10 year old. That's 1 year younger than you were when you met him.

Say, for example, your 10 year old leans on their friends parents for support because of their chaotic childhood, then in 10 years time tells you they're sleeping with one of those parents, what the first thing you'll think?

My daughters are good kids and have a stable home life. But their future relationships as adult are none of my business as long as their treat right

OP posts:

MNHQ

ImaniMumsnet · 28/04/2023 13:25

Hi everyone, we've had a number of reports from people concerned about this thread so, as we usually do in these circs, we're putting our heads round the door.

Right now we can't see any evidence to indicate that the OP isn't above board – if we did, we'd remove the thread straight away. But the truth is that, sadly, we at MNHQ can't know with 100% certainty that any poster is genuine, no matter who they are or how long they have been here.

Nonetheless, we'd like to remind everyone that Trollhunting is against our talk guidelines. So, if you have any concerns about a poster or a thread, please get in touch with us directly and we'd be sure to have a look.

Sorry to hijack your thread briefly there, OP.