Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To go for a drink with friends dad

667 replies

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 11:55

Iv been friends with this friend for ever and her dad has always been there for me and has messaged me a few times over the years but it's just been jokey flirty stuff nothing much of anything and he messaged me this morning to go round for a few drinks tonight. I want to go but I don't know how my friend will react.
Yanbu. Do what you want its nobody's business
Yabu. You don't cross that line with a friends dad

OP posts:
Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 12:54

Abacusporttaco · 28/04/2023 12:53

How old are your children, @Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy?

10 and 3 but there not here their at there dad's houses

OP posts:
TallulahBetty · 28/04/2023 12:54

Iltakethat · 28/04/2023 12:48

Can you please tell us more?🤣🤣🤣 😮

Show quote history

OK you can't just say that and not expand....

Pahpahpotato · 28/04/2023 12:54

While I don’t think fancying a mate’s dad is out
of the realms of possibility, this would be such a shitty thing to do to your friend. It would be a terrible and pointless waste of a long friendship, and judging by your posts, good friendships aren’t exactly something you’re surrounded by.
It is, quite frankly, gross that this man has known you since you were a child and is now going after a shag.

DirectionToPerfection · 28/04/2023 12:55

OP I think you have some issues around boundaries and maybe that's partly due to your childhood and partly due to the BPD.

Are you getting treatment for BPD? Have you had any therapy?

Getting involved with your friend's dad is an extremely bad idea. You may think he's a nice guy but this behaviour is very creepy and he's taking advantage. Also if you care about your friend and her feelings don't do this, it's massively overstepping a line.

ShowUs · 28/04/2023 12:55

Why don’t you just do OLD?

Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 12:55

Littleworkaholic · 28/04/2023 12:52

Goodness. You shagged your mates ex in the toilet when she was there and now you want to go and shag another mates dad in his house.

have you got any support op, any adults or anyone in real life who can support you?

No I have nobody

OP posts:
5128gap · 28/04/2023 12:56

OP, people are being quite blunt in accusing you of having issues. I think by far the more pertinent point here are HIS issues. You sound quite vulnerable and unsure, and he will know this better than anyone. He saw you as that child remember. He is now taking advantage of your long term trust in him to build a sexual relationship. Whether you want that as well or not is irrelevant. He's prepared to exploit you. He is not a good man.

Littleworkaholic · 28/04/2023 12:56

Just read your other thread, could you reach out to your cpn if you’re drinking again. I think uou must know that going drinking with this man and then intending on having sex with him is not a good or healthy decision?

Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 12:57

DirectionToPerfection · 28/04/2023 12:55

OP I think you have some issues around boundaries and maybe that's partly due to your childhood and partly due to the BPD.

Are you getting treatment for BPD? Have you had any therapy?

Getting involved with your friend's dad is an extremely bad idea. You may think he's a nice guy but this behaviour is very creepy and he's taking advantage. Also if you care about your friend and her feelings don't do this, it's massively overstepping a line.

Iv been under mh services since being a kid but they aren't the best

OP posts:
Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 12:59

Littleworkaholic · 28/04/2023 12:56

Just read your other thread, could you reach out to your cpn if you’re drinking again. I think uou must know that going drinking with this man and then intending on having sex with him is not a good or healthy decision?

My cpn knows I'm drinking again she ain't interested in helping me she's not due round until next week and its about to be bh weekend

OP posts:
namechangeforthisx · 28/04/2023 12:59

OP based on the other thread of yours I think you're going to end up friendless. Sounds like you need to get your shit together sharpish!

SchoolQuestionnaire · 28/04/2023 12:59

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 12:49

I don't have anything to do with my mum, I grew up in care

Show quote history

Op look, it’s clear that you’ve had a difficult upbringing and I’m pretty sure that’s one of the things skewing your judgement about this. You’ve been given a hard time on here because what you are suggesting doing is so out of touch with what’s normal and acceptable.

Whether you believe it or not your friends dad is a predatory arsehole. He’s known you since you were a child and was ‘there for you’. So presumably he is aware of some of your difficulties and rather than understanding that your boundaries are skewed, he’s deliberately trying to take advantage of that. If you had a normal childhood you likely wouldn’t fancy him, you would see him for the icky, disgusting man that he is.

If your friend has been a good, supportive friend then please don’t do this to her. If you do you’ll not only lose her, you will hurt her. I wouldn’t want to do that to one of my good friends.

kitsuneghost · 28/04/2023 13:00

Just no
You had a bad childhood and it comes across as he was a bit of father figure
He was an adult there for you while you were growing up
This is so much more than just dating and older guy that you met in adult life

PinkCast · 28/04/2023 13:01

I think you were a vulnerable child (very much so), and now you're a vulnerable adult. And now it looks to me like this older man is trying to take advantage of that.
Please get some help, this is healthy.

DryIce · 28/04/2023 13:02

It's the way he's approached you - just asked you to come over for some "drinks" like a dial in service. If he knows you well, he will know your vulnerabilities and doing this is a shitty thing to do.

If you both really liked each other, he'd at least be taking you out and dating you like a grown up.

This is just a 45yo man booty calling someone he knew during what sounds like a very difficult childhood.

TequilaNights · 28/04/2023 13:03

OP, you have an entire thread of people telling you this is not a good idea.

You have had a different upbringing to most, but please listen, this will begin to eat you up, you don't do this to your friends.

There are lots of places to go on an evening to get you out the house, but into the arms of your friends dad is not the place.

Felicity42 · 28/04/2023 13:04

There's more that could go badly wrong if you do than if you don't.

You don't do it, things stay the same. You have your friend and the support of this man for other help.

You go over there, get pissed and sleep with him, you lose your friend and you end up losing his support too because an emotional mess is created. You end up regretting it.

You don't need to buy his approval by flirting with him.
Say no to the drinks.

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 28/04/2023 13:04

No I have nobody

Gently, if you carry on down this line of self destruction, that is never going to change - in fact you'll probably end up in a worse position.

In your heart of hearts, do you really think this could be a good idea? If you have any respect or love for your friend, surely you can see that this is not a good way to treat her?

All the blame isn't at your door either OP, he's absolutely fucking gross. Who reaches out, flirts with and then asks over a vulnerable adult, that they have known since they were a vulnerable child?

lostinfusion · 28/04/2023 13:05

bit of a pointless thread because your going to do it anyway OP. Seems like you just wanted people to say yes go for it, absolutely fine to allay a bit of guilt

SamMil · 28/04/2023 13:05

You are both adults, yes, but that doesn't make this a good decision.

Firstly, the fact that this man knew you when you were 11 and you were his daughter's friend. That's pretty creepy even if he didn't act inappropriately back then..

Secondly, if you are struggling personally, you might not be in the best position to be making the safest choices for your own physical and/or mental well-being. This sounds like it could be a bad choice. The fact that most people are saying the same is an indication of that.

Thirdly, this is a close friend. If there is any doubt how she would feel about this, you should avoid it. A strong friendship is more important than a one night stand.

I hope this doesn't come across as judgemental, as we've all made choices we regret. Hopefully this is one mistake you can avoid making altogether.

butterpuffed · 28/04/2023 13:05

OP , you said a couple of weeks ago you were never drinking again about half a dozen times and now you are . Concentrate on stopping the drink as your perceptions sound skewed at the moment and you're making an odd decision . Get yourself healthy 🙂

updin · 28/04/2023 13:06

He's known you since you were 11, fucking gross.

Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 13:07

updin · 28/04/2023 13:06

He's known you since you were 11, fucking gross.

He never did anything while I was 11 though

OP posts:
violetscarlet · 28/04/2023 13:08

Why ask MN if you're obviously going to go.
You do you.

updin · 28/04/2023 13:08

@Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy I should bloody well hope not!! One of your children is 10 did you say, can you imagine chasing their friends in 20 years time? It's rank OP.