Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To go for a drink with friends dad

667 replies

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 11:55

Iv been friends with this friend for ever and her dad has always been there for me and has messaged me a few times over the years but it's just been jokey flirty stuff nothing much of anything and he messaged me this morning to go round for a few drinks tonight. I want to go but I don't know how my friend will react.
Yanbu. Do what you want its nobody's business
Yabu. You don't cross that line with a friends dad

OP posts:
FlowersEverywherePlease · 28/04/2023 21:35

When I say really nice I don't mean in a pervy way I had a bad childhood and he was one of the few adults there for me

Yeah and now he wants to fuck you. Nice.

FlowersEverywherePlease · 28/04/2023 21:37

I don't have a dad so couldn't answer

Oh THAT'S a surprise!

ScreamingInfidelities · 28/04/2023 21:38

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 12:03

I'm 26 he's 45. He's known me since I met my friend when we where in secondary school but it was nothing weird back then

Show quote history

Yeah, this makes it weird. Yuck.

RoseGoldEagle · 28/04/2023 21:43

I had a bad childhood and he was one of the few adults there for me

I know you’re not in place where you can take on board the advice on here. That sentence gave me the chills though. This guy does not have your best interests at heart, at all. I hope you have some real life support.

Nordicrain · 29/04/2023 06:59

VeganFromSveden · 28/04/2023 19:33

Dear op, I can understand why PP’s are concerned for you.
however, my pov is that whatever the age of a potential partner, there is “grooming” involved.
what about same age partners before they got together seriously? Love affairs, romances etc would rarely happen unless at least one of them showed their attraction to the other.
what about when a person is attracted to a person if a different culture, and because they want to further that attraction, they persuade the person they like that they can get through anything as long as they are together and love prevails.
it would indeed be a shame if you did lose the friendship with the man’s daughter, but then if she doesn’t even try to see it from his or your pov, is she the friend that you need?
im aware that PP’s probably will pile in on me too, but I’m just expressing a different angle.
OP, just go softly if you do go ahead, protect yourself, and if alcohol is a bad influence for you, stick to soft beverages, after all, you’ll want to know for yourself that any upshot from tonight’s decisions won’t be alcohol fuelled, and not to be trusted.
I wish you good luck, and hope you make the right decisions for YOU….

Err you have a really twisted view of what "attraction" is if you think it's the same as grooming someone vulnerable and in a bad situation since they were 11.

Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 29/04/2023 08:54

Just to let you all know you where wrong I had the most amazing night and he does want me to come round again

OP posts:
Screwballs · 29/04/2023 09:05

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 29/04/2023 08:54

Just to let you all know you where wrong I had the most amazing night and he does want me to come round again

We weren't the ones asking if it was a good idea, so I don't know what we're supposed to be wrong about.

Kudos to being a great friend though. I hope it was worth it.

Tandora · 29/04/2023 09:05

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 29/04/2023 08:54

Just to let you all know you where wrong I had the most amazing night and he does want me to come round again

The question is how long it lasts and whether it ends in a meaningful relationship or heartbreak. Take care of yourself.
You have betrayed your friend and you should perhaps do some reflection on that also.

LivingRoundTheCorner · 29/04/2023 09:07

I am deeply sceptical of all age gap relationships so it’s a no from me.

Naunet · 29/04/2023 09:08

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 29/04/2023 08:54

Just to let you all know you where wrong I had the most amazing night and he does want me to come round again

So not wrong, he invited you round to fuck him again, not to take you out anywhere, not to treat you, just secretly hook up. It must be real love 🙄

Do the right thing and tell you “friend” at least, she deserves better.

TheDogsWardrobe · 29/04/2023 09:10

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 29/04/2023 08:54

Just to let you all know you where wrong I had the most amazing night and he does want me to come round again

Of course he does. Sex on tap from a younger woman, too vulnerable to see what’s really going on. And it’s all a secret ‘to protect you’. It’s an abusers dream.

And it’s clearly not fulfilled you, as you’re back on mumsnet before 9am the next day seeking attention.

Sorry you can’t see it.

MisanthropistToTheCore · 29/04/2023 09:11

We’re not wrong. It’s just unfortunate you are too ill to understand the emotional damage you are doing to your life.

I would love to be wrong.

Abacusporttaco · 29/04/2023 09:12

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 29/04/2023 08:54

Just to let you all know you where wrong I had the most amazing night and he does want me to come round again

This is really, really awful.

Your daughter is just about the age you were when he met you. I daresay he’ll start taking an interest in her soon. Give it five/six years and she’ll be a go-er for him if he’s groomed her right. 😞

He’s using you for sex. That’s why he’s keeping it quiet. Protecting you is a total nonsense.

Fuck, I hope someone helps you, OP. You are beyond vulnerable and have just walked into a truly heinous decision.

Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 29/04/2023 09:15

TheDogsWardrobe · 29/04/2023 09:10

Of course he does. Sex on tap from a younger woman, too vulnerable to see what’s really going on. And it’s all a secret ‘to protect you’. It’s an abusers dream.

And it’s clearly not fulfilled you, as you’re back on mumsnet before 9am the next day seeking attention.

Sorry you can’t see it.

Show quote history

I'm home because he has stuff to do today he's busy

OP posts:
Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 29/04/2023 09:16

Naunet · 29/04/2023 09:08

So not wrong, he invited you round to fuck him again, not to take you out anywhere, not to treat you, just secretly hook up. It must be real love 🙄

Do the right thing and tell you “friend” at least, she deserves better.

Show quote history

It wasn't just sex we had a nice night he bought me a Chinese and some drinks

OP posts:
violetscarlet · 29/04/2023 09:17

Ah, that's alright then...

SchoolQuestionnaire · 29/04/2023 09:17

TheDogsWardrobe · 29/04/2023 09:10

Of course he does. Sex on tap from a younger woman, too vulnerable to see what’s really going on. And it’s all a secret ‘to protect you’. It’s an abusers dream.

And it’s clearly not fulfilled you, as you’re back on mumsnet before 9am the next day seeking attention.

Sorry you can’t see it.

Show quote history

Excellent summary. Wasted on the op but great advice nonetheless.

Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 29/04/2023 09:18

Abacusporttaco · 29/04/2023 09:12

This is really, really awful.

Your daughter is just about the age you were when he met you. I daresay he’ll start taking an interest in her soon. Give it five/six years and she’ll be a go-er for him if he’s groomed her right. 😞

He’s using you for sex. That’s why he’s keeping it quiet. Protecting you is a total nonsense.

Fuck, I hope someone helps you, OP. You are beyond vulnerable and have just walked into a truly heinous decision.

Show quote history

My daughters are fine he's not that sort of person

OP posts:
SchoolQuestionnaire · 29/04/2023 09:19

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 29/04/2023 09:18

My daughters are fine he's not that sort of person

Show quote history

He’s secretly shagging his vulnerable daughter’s friend who he first met as a vulnerable child. He’s exactly that sort of person.

If you don’t want to protect yourself at least keep your daughter away from the predatory bastard.

nomoredriving · 29/04/2023 09:21

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 29/04/2023 08:54

Just to let you all know you where wrong I had the most amazing night and he does want me to come round again

He wants you to come round again? Suppose cheaper than taking you out for a meal/drink etc.

He just wants a cheap shag.

nomoredriving · 29/04/2023 09:21

@Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy he is that sort of person he's a predator.

Naunet · 29/04/2023 09:23

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 29/04/2023 09:16

It wasn't just sex we had a nice night he bought me a Chinese and some drinks

Show quote history

Yeah, did he take you out to eat, or was it all hidden away at his house? Let me guess…

FairyPrincess123 · 29/04/2023 09:24

Yeah, probably his daughter has other friends he has to look after.

Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 29/04/2023 09:25

FairyPrincess123 · 29/04/2023 09:24

Yeah, probably his daughter has other friends he has to look after.

He's not interested in anyone else he cares about me

OP posts:
Curseofthenation · 29/04/2023 09:27

I bet he brings up dressing like a schoolgirl at some point. Maybe he'll bring you some FREE sweeties too...

Please never allow your children near this man.