Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To go for a drink with friends dad

667 replies

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 11:55

Iv been friends with this friend for ever and her dad has always been there for me and has messaged me a few times over the years but it's just been jokey flirty stuff nothing much of anything and he messaged me this morning to go round for a few drinks tonight. I want to go but I don't know how my friend will react.
Yanbu. Do what you want its nobody's business
Yabu. You don't cross that line with a friends dad

OP posts:
Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 16:21

Dulra · 28/04/2023 16:15

Thanks he really is he's always been there for me and always protected me
This concerns me, you are seeing him as a protective father figure and I've no doubt that's why you're attracted to him, he is using his position in your life to groom you he knows your vulnerabilities. He should know better and the fact that he doesn't would be a concern for me. Also if you go ahead and it doesn't work out would you be happy enough not to have him in your life (or your friend) because that is likely to happen.

He would never leave me. I just know he wouldn't

OP posts:
HowDoYouDoWhatYouDoToMeIWishIKnew · 28/04/2023 16:25

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 16:21

He would never leave me. I just know he wouldn't

Show quote history

He will 100%.

He isn't a good man.

A good man doesn't prey on a vulnerable woman, and keep it secret from his daughter to 'protect' you.

This may feel good for the very short term, but longer term you're throwing a bomb into your life and the fallout will make you feel a million times worse. Is it worth losing your friend for one night of probably mediocre sex?

Nordicrain · 28/04/2023 16:25

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 16:21

He would never leave me. I just know he wouldn't

Show quote history

OP, kindly, you do not know that.

Men who genuinely care for someone do not suggest shagging behind their daughters' backs. they just don't. He is just saying what you want to hear you will go around his, get drunk and have sex with him. This guy is not looking out for your wellbeing.

Coulditreallybe · 28/04/2023 16:31

@Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy I don’t know if you realise but some people on here pretending to be nice are not very nice men. Or they’re people who enjoy winding people up, they’re not genuine

kitsuneghost · 28/04/2023 16:44

Coulditreallybe · 28/04/2023 16:31

@Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy I don’t know if you realise but some people on here pretending to be nice are not very nice men. Or they’re people who enjoy winding people up, they’re not genuine

Unfortunately OP is not in the best emotional health to realise this and will take those posts as reassurance.
Genuinely I think most people are trying to be helpful but OP can't see that all

Coulditreallybe · 28/04/2023 16:45

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 16:04

Why would I need an iq test 🤔

Show quote history

I think doing one would help you understand why you find some things difficult and confusing

TakeMe2Insanity · 28/04/2023 16:45

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 11:57

Yeah iv fancied him for years, he's always been really nice to me

Show quote history

If you have any respect for your friend please don’t do this.

As for the friend’s dad - yuck!!

Naunet · 28/04/2023 16:46

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 15:54

I do if he does but I like him so I'm happy either way just to spend time with him. He's good looking, he's caring, protective and looks after me. why would anyone not want that

Show quote history

Oh for the love of god, he prioritises his dick over his own daughter, and you’re deluded enough to think he cares about you?! I’m sorry but you’re an absolute fool, and I say this as someone with a hugely traumatic background myself, so I’m not void of empathy for you.

Naunet · 28/04/2023 16:48

mexicanandafewdrinks · 28/04/2023 16:01

I really hope non of the clear jealousy here puts you down, and deters you from going to what sounds like a good night.
age gap means nothing. he's a good man who's looked out for you for a long time, there is NOTHING wrong with what you're doing.
it seems the thread is just a case of the green-eyed monster.

Yeah because fucking a man 20 years older is such a hard thing to achieve for women isn’t it? Sooo jealous 🙄

SchoolShenanigans · 28/04/2023 16:50

Unless you think it's going to be serious, I really wouldn't.

Nordicrain · 28/04/2023 16:50

Naunet · 28/04/2023 16:48

Yeah because fucking a man 20 years older is such a hard thing to achieve for women isn’t it? Sooo jealous 🙄

Show quote history

Yes, and most of us wouldn't want to. A significantly older man offering to shag me at his house over a few cans and behind his daughter's back isn't exactly the pinnacle of romance for me!

Nordicrain · 28/04/2023 16:51

SchoolShenanigans · 28/04/2023 16:50

Unless you think it's going to be serious, I really wouldn't.

The dad has made pretty clear he doesn't see anything serious happening by assuring OP that he has zero intention of telling anyone.

EasterBreak · 28/04/2023 16:56

Absolutely not op no. Just no. With all the men on this planet to choose from why on earth would you want to put your friend in that situation.

Gourmetfelix · 28/04/2023 17:03

I never get why people post in here if they never had any intention of taking the advice.

Snazzysausage · 28/04/2023 17:03

You're an adult,he's an adult and if that's what you both want then go round.But do go in with your eyes open because once you've crossed that line there's no going back - things will be changed no matter what. You can't put the genie back in the bottle so just be aware of the shift it will cause.

Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 17:11

Nordicrain · 28/04/2023 16:51

The dad has made pretty clear he doesn't see anything serious happening by assuring OP that he has zero intention of telling anyone.

Show quote history

He's only not telling people to protect me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 17:12

Gourmetfelix · 28/04/2023 17:03

I never get why people post in here if they never had any intention of taking the advice.

Because I didn't expect everyone to act like this

OP posts:
Nordicrain · 28/04/2023 17:13

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 17:11

He's only not telling people to protect me.

Show quote history

Oh come on OP, how convenient for him!

Ask yourself why he is more concerned about protecting you, than his daughter.

Mortimercat · 28/04/2023 17:14

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 17:11

He's only not telling people to protect me.

Show quote history

No. He’s doing it to protect himself, because he is a filthy disgusting pig who has groomed you for 16 years since you were a child and most people will see this.

Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 17:17

EasterBreak · 28/04/2023 16:56

Absolutely not op no. Just no. With all the men on this planet to choose from why on earth would you want to put your friend in that situation.

It's not just about my friend though yes I care about her and don't want to hurt her but this is a man who has always been there for me, looked after me, protected me. Iv always had feelings for him and felt safe with him and I'm so happy he wants to spend more time with me.The feelings I get when he holds me I can't even describe

OP posts:
AliceOlive · 28/04/2023 17:18

So you’ve already been involved with him.

pillsthrillsandbellyache · 28/04/2023 17:19

GoodChat · 28/04/2023 15:16

Look at the usernames that are encouraging it. They're not surprising if youve been here a while.

Show quote history

Yes agreed, it's something I struggle with on this site. The few who encourage women to run headfirst into shitty situations with men. Or even worse encourage women to stay in abusive relationships. I will never understand that mentality.

Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 17:19

AliceOlive · 28/04/2023 17:18

So you’ve already been involved with him.

Iv never had sex with him

OP posts:
readbooksdrinktea · 28/04/2023 17:19

You're in for such a rude awakening. I feel sorry for you, but I feel worse for your friend, whose dad you're off to shag. Tell her. She should know what you really think of her.

pillsthrillsandbellyache · 28/04/2023 17:20

@Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy What happened regarding your friends ex you shagged while your friend was there and your kids?