To go for a drink with friends dad

[Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy]

Iv been friends with this friend for ever and her dad has always been there for me and has messaged me a few times over the years but it's just been jokey flirty stuff nothing much of anything and he messaged me this morning to go round for a few drinks tonight. I want to go but I don't know how my friend will react.
Yanbu. Do what you want its nobody's business
Yabu. You don't cross that line with a friends dad

I think you are going to end up hurt and even more isolated.

That is the problem, not the rest.

I was worried she was jealous of her friend having a dad growing up, one she considered attractive and cool. She’s reverted to child like status, she wants him to hold her and make her feel safe. Like she wants what her friend had, and to stand a chance to get it. She’s going to shit on her friend from a great height. Her friend is irrelevant in her quest to get that and she’s hoping for the impossible that he wants to be with her. That there will be more.

when if that was even remotely possible, he’d invite rhe op for coffee or call her, and then speak to his daughter and say he wanted to start something with the op, with her blessing, and then invite the op out for dinner/a date.

instead he’s treated her like a cheap shag, come round and drink with the clear intent he gets sex. It’s appalling and almost abusive due to her vulnerabilities. She’s even romantiscing he’s trying to protect her, when nothing could be further from the truth, he’s covering his own arse and protecting his daughter and any one else who knows him from finding out what he’s done..

Where both single, yeah the plan is to stay the night and I appreciate him not telling his daughter as to not cause issues between us

Ah, op; there is no helping you.

@Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy I think that you are going to do whatever you are going to do. So many of us are expressing real, genuine concern for you, but over and over you try and justify what you want, excuse this man's intentions and thank those (like possibly @girlfriend44) who have not read all the posts, think this is a mere age gap AIBU (it REALLY isn't) and encourage you to go with him.

Either you go to him, he will incapacitate you with drink and have his loveless, disrespectful and purely functional way with you, leaving you abandoned, humiliated and hurt - and possibly pregnant with your friend's half-sibling.

Or, you can be brave. Block him on your 'phone, make a plan for getting through the evening at your own home, by yourself, be goddess-level brave and wake up tomorrow knowing that you've done the right thing and reclaimed some self-respect.

I suspect that you've already made up your mind. And that you will be here again with a thread wondering why he left you abandoned and shamed and lonely when he promised to be nice to you, to look after you, to share a bit of harmless fun and a drink with you - to not tell your friend anything "to protect you". How you now can't look your friend in the eye, or even speak to her anymore "because of what happened between me and her dad". How he's bragged about what he did with you to his mates down the pub. But it's in your power to stop that happening. Only you can do that.

Please don't put yourself in his power. You might not believe it, but you do deserve better. Look after yourself. x

Degenerate behaviour imo. Why are so many people only concerned with their own wants?

Where both single, yeah the plan is to stay the night and I appreciate him not telling his daughter as to not cause issues between us

op, I'm sorry you've had such a shit childhood and have so many mental health issues, really I am. It must be very hard.

But, I really, really hope that your friend finds out and fucks you off, because you don't deserve another day of friendship from her.

Imagine having such little respect for a life long friend, and yourself. She deserves better.

Spot on

I think you're absolutely right, and it's so sad!

@REP22 has made a fantastic, thought provoking post, and I really hope that @Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy will read it and take heed.

💐💐

Ewwwww no no no no

No he is not protecting you, you are to be a secret. That is why he is not telling people. He doesn't want people to get the wrong right idea of him.

Please wake up. I know you are lonely and think this is not the answer.

and @girlfriend44 you are not being supportive and you are being really unkind. have you not read the thread or are you just being cruel?

Yeah nothing wrong with it. Screw people who try to judge you for it. Maybe just mention it to your friend though if you are close. Probably better coming from you. Hopefully she understands but if not you need to decide what means more, the friendship or banging her dad..

You're contradicting yourself.
You say
"But I like him its not just a random one night stand I do actually think a lot of him"
Then when I point out that he's not even offered to take you on a date (not even a night out in another town or a weekend away) you say
" the plan is to stay the night and I appreciate him not telling his daughter as to not cause issues between us"

So you're happy to be his dirty little secret for a bottle of Echo and a takeaway .....if you're lucky? Are you imagining 3 months down the line you're both gonna stand there hand in hand and declare to friends and family that you love each other? I'll give you a clue, that aunt gonna happen.

Excuse my language but I once heard some lads talking about a woman one of them had just fucked (his words). He said it was like being desperate for a shit, but once you'd done it you didn't wanna go back and look at it!

I don't know your mindset atm but be prepared for 1 night of passion and days of self loathing.
Tell him you're busy tonight but if he fancies doing something/going somewhere over the BH you'd be up for it...far away from prying eyes. See if he's up for that.

Jealousy? On what grounds? You do realise that provided you're not so old there's none left alive, EVERY woman could get herself a man 20 years older if she wanted one?

Regardless of your history I think it is an awful idea, you will ruin your friendship, things like this don't stay secret.

Ty I was going to tell her but everyone on here has over reacted and now I'm scared to tell her as I don't want her to be hurt. Obviously il tell in the future if we get into a relationship but will depend if tonight goes well and if he wants to spend more time together

Yeah, but not one that’s watched us grow up from the age of 11, so must be jealousy…🤮

A) no one has overreacted
B) if you didn't want her to be hurt, you wouldn't shag her dad.

You are honestly infuriating.

Good luck.

He’s not telling her to protect himself. He knows how disgusted his daughter will be.

Seconded.

Nobody's over reacting, op. This is a car crash in slow motion. There will be no relationship 🤦‍♀️

Your morals are totally screwed. So are his.

You will end up completely friendless and tbh, it will be all your own doing.

I thought you said you didn’t want a relationship with him?

I was going to tell her but everyone on here has over reacted and now I'm scared to tell her as I don't want her to be hurt.

If you don't want her to be hurt don't shag her dad.

I do if he does but I like him so I'm happy either way just to spend time with him. He's good looking, he's caring, protective and looks after me. why would anyone not want that