To go for a drink with friends dad

[Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy]

Iv been friends with this friend for ever and her dad has always been there for me and has messaged me a few times over the years but it's just been jokey flirty stuff nothing much of anything and he messaged me this morning to go round for a few drinks tonight. I want to go but I don't know how my friend will react.
Yanbu. Do what you want its nobody's business
Yabu. You don't cross that line with a friends dad

I'm not pregnant anymore as I knew how bad it would be to bring a baby into this life

Sweetie , he is gaining everything from this and still keep his daughter but you will lose another friend
You will be more alone than ever with this self destruction
He is taking advantage of your vulnerability
You are worth more than that

Not prob , definitely and of course everyone else will distance themselves.

id agree I think the op,is self destructing, or looking for love definitely in the wrong place and needs to understand just because a man is flattered you fancy him and will,take sex if it’s on offer it doesn’t mean he wants a relationship

OP don’t do this; it is highly likely to upset your friend and destroy your relationship. You say you don’t want to lose more friends so you need to prioritise the friendship here.
what you are saying doesn’t add up, on the one hand you say it’s not just casual sex- you really like him- on the other you say that it’s nothing serious and not a big deal. You can’t have it both ways.

I mean its not just sex with a random person. It's not even about the sex it's about spending the time together and being held and feeling safe rather then being home alone all night

You're looking for a loving relationship, and there's nothing wrong with that. But sleeping with this man is not going to give you that. He obviously just wants a shag and doesn't care that it will destroy your friendship with his daughter.

You need to feel secure in yourself before you can find a truly healthy relationship.

OP, if you look at your posting history on here for that past few months you'll see you are careering from one sexual, alcohol fuelled, disaster to another - you need help!!! Please get it. At first I was rolling my eyes at your posts here, but now I'm really worried about you. Contact AA, your MH team, your GP, and whoever else can help you. Don't go to this man's house!!!
You've lost lots of friends since Easter (only 3 weeks ago!!!) because you had sex with someone you shouldn't, don't do it again.

You were 11? So he should see you in the same way he does his daughter. This is weird and will be weird for your friend too.

Sweetheart, you will not be safe with him. He does not have your best interests at heart. He will give you drink to make you his victim. Play it forward in your mind to tomorrow morning, when you are hungover, cold and wondering what you did last night (tonight) and why you can't remember it all properly and the fear that he might have made you pregnant. Then your feelings when he tells you to get out. What are you left with then? Shame, confusion, hurt and the walk of shame to get a pregnancy test.

At least if you stay home alone you can avoid all that and keep some of your self-respect (and hopefully your friendship with your friend). Being alone really isn't that bad. Look after yourself. It will be alright. But please don't put yourself into the situation with this man. You deserve better. x

A man who prioritises his dick over his daughter, is not a man that will make you safe.

You need to save yourself here, not look for a man to make it all better for you, you’re chasing a fantasy, when the reality is you’re a prime target for abusive men. Please get some therapy and focus on yourself and your children, just take men out of your life completely for a little while.

Better to be at home on your own than with a man who thinks it’s ok to hit on his daughter’s friends

It's not even about the sex it's about spending the time together and being held and feeling safe rather then being home alone all night

You're describing an attachment need. I know how unbearably strong they can be. They have to be, they're designed to keep infants closely bonded to their parents and therefore safer from external dangers.They come from a more child-part of the brain: trauma and neglect in childhood mean that these parts don't integrate and change as we grow, but stay with that strong need.

I highly recommend looking into types of therapy like "internal family systems" and "ideal parent figure" which target helping these parts of you. Ideally with a therapist, but people can make good progress even working on it on their own, if a therapist is impossible financially

Oh op. That’s the saddest thing ever. You’re not safe with this man, if you were he wouldn’t wish you to drink, and he’d not be planning a quick shag with his daughters mate. Logically you must know this. If he liked or cared about you even a tiny bit he’d not consider it.

if you go through with this you are going to suffer damage. He knows rhis. Your self esteem will be even lower when you realise he just took easy sex and when you loose another friend because of it, and likely all your friends.

this is such damaging self destructive behaviour, and this man is a predator on your vulnerabilities

There are plenty of men out there who date women the same age as their daughters! There isn't anything wrong with a 26 year old and a 45 year old IMO.

The thing that does make it a bit weird is that you are good friends with his daughter and he's watched you grow up. I can't put in to words why but it just feels off.

I'm confused.... You don't want to date him, you don't want anything serious but it's not a ONS.... 🤷🏼‍♀️I'm probably too old to comment on this one, but my dear girl if you value your friend, step away from her dad...

Iv msg him to say I'm worried about my friendship with his daughter and he said he's not going to say anything and that I'm worrying over nothing

Of course he's not going to say anything to his daughter, he knows damn well how wrong this is and how she would react. You're just going to be his secret. But it will get out, eventually

Iv msg him to say I'm worried about my friendship with his daughter and he said he's not going to say anything and that I'm worrying over nothing

Ah, so you'd be his dirty little secret.

How caring and romantic.

At the very least, make sure you use contraception please OP, it would be quite difficult to hide your friends sibling from her.

Iv msg him to say I'm worried about my friendship with his daughter and he said he's not going to say anything and that I'm worrying over nothing

If there was nothing wrong with what he's suggesting there's be no reason for him to reassure you he'll say nothing.

He knows this is wrong.

I second this. If you're going to go, at least be safe.

And try and drink a pint of water between each alcoholic drink.

Of course he will say that. 🙄 You need to see that he doesn’t have your interests at heart. If he did he wouldn’t have to hide you as a secret

Well plenty of others have put it into words. It’s not just her age, or about she’s his daughters friend who he’s known since she was 11, which is bad enough.

It’s about the fact she’s so deeply vulnerable, is a substance abuser, has children, mental health issues, already lost a friend three weeks ago from shagging her friends ex in the loo and is indulging in deeply self destructive behaviour as she’s flattered he’d be interested, and she’s clearly hopeful he wants her for more than sex, and if he does. She’d sacrifice her friendship with her friend for it, in a heartbeat.

where as for him, sure he might shag her a few times, but if he thinks his daughter will ever find out she’d be gone, even if he doesn’t think that, she will still be out and she will be worse off.

she needs to stop doing her friends over as soon as a bloke wants sex with her. Because she’s soon going to have no one.

sadly I think she’s going to go, drink too much, shag her mates dad and she’s going to lose her friend snd every other joint friend and he won’t come near her again.😔

OP, you are worth way more than this. This man is not the answer. You are trying to self-soothe through him. I understand that need. But you are choosing a path of self-destruction. You reached out here and you have some great advice. Now listen. You are worth more. Keep repeating that.

Oh god. It’s is just getting worse, of course he doesn’t want his daughter to know. Does it not tell you he doesn’t want a relationship if he does not wish her to know. That it’s just sex?

do you not care about your friend at all?

Of course I care about my friend. He's not telling her to protect me