To think boys shouldn’t go in to men’s toilets???

[Scotlandma]

This is hypothetical I seen another post about someone not letting their 9 year old use mens public bathrooms

what age do other people let their children go in to toilets on their own?

and how do you navigate them using the disabled toilets if not?? I’d be so worried in case someone actually disabled needed them

By that logic, a 17 year old boy should also use the ladies. Teenage boys are vulnerable to rapists too.

What, other men taking a piss?

Some girls at 9 are having periods and would not want boys the same age as them in the toilets. They could be in their class! 9 is far too old!

@Annon1234

That poster didn't mention shared facilities, you mentioned them. If the space is shared it is fine to use to change your baby. If it isn't shared then it isn't for you.

I don't think so. I think most people recognise that generally speaking, an 8 year old child is significantly more vulnerable than a 17 year old person.

*I'm sorry for your experience. I can only guess that those young boys had no responsible and safe adult with them ensuring their behaviour was better and not abusive to you. My boys wouldn't dream of behaving in that way and I certainly wouldn't take my eye off the ball to even allow the opportunity never the less the act.

I think we forget that young boys are as vulnerable to predatory and malicious adult males as much as girls are.*

No, as I said, their mums were with them. They considered them innocent, would never behave in such a way. They did, as soon as mum wasn’t looking.

I’m very aware that boys are vulnerable. The problem is that mums of boys deal with that by taking boys into the girls’ space, which can prevent the girls from using it at all (as it did me - I gave up my hobby). And then when this is pointed out, the mums of boys shrug and say that boys are just as vulnerable.

What happens is that spaces for men and spaces for women become spaces for men and spaces for boys. Girls get pushed out of their own spaces.

The problem is adult men, obviously, but the answer isn’t to bring boys into girls spaces.

@Saschka rape is not the only form of assault. 17 year olds are not vulnerable in the same way because they have greater physical strength and greater experience and maturity to judge situations. All of us can be assaulted but young children are clearly more vulnerable.

Same here, except my son's 12 (but built like a 7 yo, he is genuinely tiny and shrimpish! Which helps though he has the bloody strength of a 25 year old ). His severe autism/LDs mean I simply cannot let him go into any loos unaccompanied (apart from anything else he'll just hang around for hours, playing with the seats).

Disabled loos are fine when they're available - sometimes they're locked and though he HAS a disability I'm somehow balking at getting our own Radar key. But often he just comes into the women's with me, if DH isn't with us. It's far from ideal, plus I'm one of those Nasty Feminists who doesn't want males in female spaces ... but. There we are. Not sure what solution there is, aside from us just never leaving the house.

My dad would take me into the men's when I was little. Never saw a stray penis once in all those times. Ironically I probably used the men's longer than I should have from being too anxious to use the women's on my own due to coming out of the cubicle to find boys standing there.

@AllOfThemWitches I don't think it is reasonable to steamroller the rights of girls to privacy and dignity, in preference to briefly waiting if the disabled toilet is occupied.

I think some of the attitude here make it clear how the needs of boys are seen as more vital than the needs of girls.

We're talking about keeping children safe from predatory abusers. Privacy and dignity are important, but not at the costs of preventing child sexual abuse.

When my boys were younger and their dad or grandad weren't with them I'd escort them to the men's and would say as they were going in if your not out in 3 minutes I'm coming. Mainly as I didn't trust them not the prat about but also so any "weirdos" would knew I was about. It did get a lot of chuckles from men in the toilets. They are all late teens now and survived bathroom trips this way.

I have no problem with boys coming into the women's toilet with their mums. I don't know what the cut off point should be, but around 8 seems reasonable, a little older if they have special needs. I prefer this to a child being put at risk.

Teacher would normally shout in make sure no one is in their first.

Toilets and changing rooms are entirely different. No one is getting undressed in a toilet. Everyone has there own cubicle and privacy so I can't understand what is the issue with a young boy being in there. Men's toilets have far less cubicles and a young boy is far more vulnerable being in their on his own then a woman or girl is from that boy being in a female toilet.
I agree with around 8 being the age where a boy should stop going in a changing room where woman are getting undressed. Thankfully most places we go to have family changing rooms so this isn't really an issue.

I have three sons. My youngest has been going into the men's toilets with my older boys since he was about 8. He's now 11 and he goes into the men's toilets by himself (if there are no other males with us) but I stand outside and wait for him come out. He's just using the urinal so it's a super quick visit. If I had any concerns I wouldn't hesitate to go in, but there's never been an issue. Maybe if he needed to use a cubicle I'd take him into the ladies (because it's a longer visit, behind closed doors, and I like to make sure the seat is clean before anyone sits on it!), but that's never happened so I haven't had to put that idea into practice.

100% true.
Also, to answer the OP, if I'm honest I wouldn't want a boy over 7 in the ladies toilets, but I can see a mother's reasoning.

Good grief, could we just have a separate discussion board for angry toilet ladies?

Oh stop it.

As a small girl, my dad would take me swimming and take my sister and I into the men's changing room. We saw a lot of penis at such a young age!

They wont be in the same cubicle though will they?

My DS is on the cusp at age 7 (nearly 8). He wants to use the mens loos because it feels more gown up to him but he worries about locks not working properly and sometimes there are heavy doors, scalding hot taps etc so we assess the situation and sometimes I wait just outside, sometimes, if it's very busy or a bit dodgy feeling he still comes in with me. He's getting more confident but I think if a door lock got a bit stuck he would freak out. I also worry a bit about what could go on behind closed doors which is why I still loiter outside.

I work in a busy motorway service station. Do not let your children use the men's, I would go as far to say under 16s should only use the men's as a last resort

You take your 11yo boy into the ladies loos and check the toilet seat before he uses it? Do you still wipe his bum as well?

No.