To think boys shouldn’t go in to men’s toilets???

[Scotlandma]

This is hypothetical I seen another post about someone not letting their 9 year old use mens public bathrooms

what age do other people let their children go in to toilets on their own?

and how do you navigate them using the disabled toilets if not?? I’d be so worried in case someone actually disabled needed them

Women's bathrooms aren't a "threat" to children though. A father wouldn't have to go in there with his daughter. Plus I'm pretty sure no 9-year-old girl will want to go into the men's bathroom.

A nine year old might be too shy to go into a public loo alone. My son gets upset if I ask him to wait outside when I go into the women's loo and as boys that age are a main target for mugging and assault (by teenage boys and young men) it's not always safe for him to wait outside. He is too nervous about going to the men's alone too. I'm sure he'll be fine within the next year. Children have different levels of confidence.

That doesn't mean a 9-year-old girl should be going into the men's bathroom. You think a 9-year-old boy wants to see a girl come in while he's peeing?

Yet another thread where I wonder how anyone ever gets pregnant when there is so much hatred and fear of men

Life is full of risks, you have to accept that

I have 3 sons

They went to the men's with no drama from 7

I also know they are not sexual predators like most people on here seem to think boys are

I am not surprised suicide is the biggest killer of young men

Shameful, and makes me hugely anxious for my fabulous young men

The way people are talking, if most men are predators then most of the boys mentioned on this thread will be seen as predators one day too. It's crazy. That is the future you are making for your sons.

I suspect once their boys are men it’ll be NAMALT.

The only thing I care about is that everyone's safe. If my daughter was young enough to need help and I wasn't there she'd go with DH into men's because she's not going to be attacked with DH there (he can cover her eyes if it really comes to it, but unlikely). If she can go in by herself she uses the ladies.

If it's me with my son if he's old enough to do it himself I'd let him go alone into a bathroom with enough men around (a random bunch of men are not going to collude in child rape), but not if it were situation where he might be alone with one man (boys have been raped in male toilets for all the posters saying they've never heard of it/it doesn't happen). In that case (or if he was young enough to need my assistance) I'd take him into the women's with me because he's not a threat to the women (or indeed girls) because I'm right there. (Or do posters think male children are going to start attacking women in the ladies while their mother watches?).

Well really the men and boys should use cubicles and pee behind closed, locked doors if they don't want anyone to see them.

Stabbings happen, and the consequences are obviously very severe for the victim. Doesn't mean that I feel the need to wear body armour when walking down the street, because the chances of it actually happening are incredibly rare. The risk involved in sending a nine year old boy into the gents' toilets alone is similarly very low.

Just because it happens to some people, doesn't mean that absurd measures like dragging him into the ladies' when he's too old to be in there should be the response. Reasonable mitigations such as standing outside calling for him to hurry up are fine of course, as is choosing a toilets with a reasonable high footfall so that he'd never be left alone with one stranger.

Not that anyone does actually see anything unless they're really trying hard to look.

Where exactly are all these dangerous mens toilets you all need to send your children into?

Surely if you're out with your children then you're not in a place where the toilets are a high risk?

@Satsumastocking "Well really the men and boys should use cubicles and pee behind closed, locked doors if they don't want anyone to see them"
Or they should be allowed privacy and dignity in a place specifically dedicated for their use.

@Theprincessisblanketed "Or do posters think male children are going to start attacking women in the ladies while their mother watches?"
Oh,please. For what must be the hundredth time is not about boys attacking anyone. It's about the dignity and privacy of girls.

And for me safety is more important than that.

FancyFanny

Well in my 12 year old son’s case he was abused in the toilets of a busy and respectable bus station.

Aside from that outside of MN world many, many families don’t live in and have to contend with getting on and out and about in non salubrious areas. We don’t all live in Surrey.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. When safeguarding your children do not pay any heed to MN frothers. Every child, circumstances, situation and location will be different. Your child, your decision as regards safeguarding which should trump everything. Do what you think is best.

@Theprincessisblanketed Yeah-what girls want and need doesn't really matter, does it?

@Dr355c0d3 that's obviously appalling. But presumably you don't think a 12 year old boy should be in the women's loo?

@Dr355c0d3 I hope your son has recovered and the police were helpful.

These kind of assaults have mostly been reported in shopping centre toilets.

I mean again, thinking as a paedo, I'm not going to expect to find many children in some dingy, unsavoury loo somewhere. I'm going to choose one where I expect children to be.

Of course what girls want and need matter. But surely you can see there are heriarchies in wants and needs? Dignity and privacy are very important, but not more so than safety (would you stop to dress when fleeing an immediately dangerous situation?).

Keeping everyone safe trumps anyone's dignity and privacy (for me).

No he hasn’t recovered.The impact from sexual abuse takes years to recover. 7 years on and he is still struggling hugely. It has impacted his life massively in every way.Frankly I would never, ever send an 8 or 9 year old boy off into any toilet I wasn’t 100% happy with. Re 12 year olds ditto, however there are ways. If I had my time again and I didn’t feel 100% comfortable I’d make him hold on until the women’s cleared, stand outside and warn women going in he was in there in a locked cubical, would only be 5 minutes if that but would be walking through and if they weren’t comfortable with that they may need to hold on 5 minutes. Him peeing outside for all to see probably wouldn’t be favourable as an alternative.

As I said before, my child, my decision as regards safeguarding. The guilt you feel as a parent never leaves you when something like this happens. It really is never worth the risk if you’re not happy. In RL things are very different to MN and most mothers would understand. If they didn’t I’d take that any day over going through what we have. Safeguarding decisions can never be a one size fits all and one should never refer to MN threads when making safeguarding choices ie these threads are a bit pointless.

Keeping everyone safe trumps anyone's dignity and privacy

So if a man didn't feel safe using the men's bathroom, you'd be fine with him coming into the women's to use the loo?

My son refused to go into the women's at the age of 8 so I started letting him go in the men's by himself whilst waiting outside. Occasionally he has taken ages and I have tasked men going in to check he's ok. My exception to this rule is busy airports.

Why doesn't someone go and try to find some actual stats on the number of boys that are assaulted in toilets each year? Then you can work out the risk, and compare it to other things that you allow children to do.

Otherwise it's just a pointless debate, one side saying all men are rapists and will attack a child in the gents at the drop of a hat, so boys must go into the ladies. The other side saying all boys are rapists and will attack woman whilst their mother watches, so must never be in the ladies.

Both of which are absurd positions.

So try and find some actual data on the risks and then it might be a more useful discussion.

BadNomad

Adults can hold on better, have more resources and choices so a silly and over dramatic suggestion to make really. Exactly the kind of inflammatory comment parents should ignore when making safeguarding decisions.