To think boys shouldn’t go in to men’s toilets???

[Scotlandma]

This is hypothetical I seen another post about someone not letting their 9 year old use mens public bathrooms

what age do other people let their children go in to toilets on their own?

and how do you navigate them using the disabled toilets if not?? I’d be so worried in case someone actually disabled needed them

If you're really going to insist on your 11-year-old using the women's bathroom .... you'll want to be there to protect them from the comments they'll get

if a yr6 boy meets a couple of girls from his class in the Ladies' loo, I expect there'll be plenty of comments at school the next day. He'll have to handle those on his own.

But thank you for the warning about how unkind people can be.

You're welcome. I'm not part of the "be kind" brigade. My SD's safety is more important than any 11-year-old boy's feelings. See how that goes both ways?

I'm genuinely flabbergasted at 11-year-olds needing their mums with them to use the toilet. Where is the dignity in that?

I would imagine it would be all over Tik Tok in moments. The moment captured forever.

@Simplelobsterhat Mine would wait outside for me from the age of about 8. But I have a non hysterical approach to risk assessment.

I think this is likely already happening. I don't see many women accompanying their 11 year old boys in the female loos, although it's hard to tell someone's biological age, so maybe there's more than I'm aware.

So resorting to saying that other women are just being hysterical. Classy.

@Simplelobsterhat Depends where you are. In a busy public place, well briefed in not going anywhere with strangers, it's very unlikely to be a problem. Anywhere quiet or with someone dodgy about you'd tell them to wait just inside the women's door I think.

Come on now, we don't really need to tell you we're taking our sons in to help them toilet, do we? Or can't you read?

Who knows. It seems like the next generation of boys haven't got there yet judging by this thread. Maybe they'll see sense at some stage, look back at what they were thinking, and cringe. I've had some precious parenting cringe moments but I guess most of us get there in the end.

NOT! 😂

@roaringmouse
No. I'm saying that some people's approach to risk assessment is hysterical. In my experience men are worse at this than women.

I didn't say "help them". I said you need to be there with them if they want to use the toilet. It's embarrassing that they're not even allowed to use the toilet without their mum standing outside the door.

A NT 11 year old really shouldn't need help to use the toilet. (Disability, SEN aside).

Yes, I got that you weren't part of the 'Be Kind' brigade. And that's fine. Neither am I.

I don't think anyone is seriously suggesting boys' feelings are more important than girls' safety. But neither are girls feelings more important than boys safety. See how that goes both ways too?

My 25 year old has many cringe moments, but never has he mentioned going in the ladies as one of them. He just had a wee, it didn't scar him for life. Just glad nothing ever happened to him that did.

No I wasn't. At what age do you think it is OK for a boy to be alone in the male toilets? It seems there is an assumption that all men are a potential threat to boys. If you are waiting outside and your child is able to communicate with you I am not sure why you think the risk is so high.

Imagine if his schoolmates saw him coming out of the women's bathroom. Mortifying! He'll never live it down. Or even worse, he'll get labelled a perv.

The difference is girls aren't being forced on boys. You want your boys to be safe, yet you won't go into the men's bathroom with them, so they can use their own assigned bathroom, because you'd rather upset girls and women than men and boys. You show more respect to males than you do to females.

Because it happens. It takes seconds to abuse, surely you're aware of this? We don't know which men are capable, unfortunately they don't come with a flashing neon sign. All we can do is limit the risk, ie, not send them in a room where both they and other men will have their bits out.

I have said lots on this thread, when I allow my child out alone, I will let them in the mens loo alone. Still won't be overjoyed about it, but obviously it has to happen. So I'd assume year 6, aged 10/11.

If their safety is so important to you, then go into the men's bathroom with them. Give them the dignity of using the right bathroom. Fuck what the men think. Why are their feelings more important than women's feeling?

Thanks. I think I'm fairly moderate in terms of risk assessment. I'm very much of the opinion that you can't stop them doing something because of the small chance of something bad happening, or you wouldn't let them out alone at 18!

But I'm very guilty of forgetting how much my son is growing up and just doing things because we always have done it that way, if you see what I mean. This thread has reminded me I really need to work on independence with things like public toilets, but it only just occured to me it's not only when he's going he would need to be alone and actually in some cases the waiting outside bit could be riskier (or at least feel lonelier to him, if I'm in a queue for example).

If you don't feel there are suitable facilities, then campaign. Obviously you're either going to have to stop going to that place or they'll have to wait to go somewhere where there's a facility you deem suitable, which is not the women's.
The answer is not the women's toilets, boys 8+ have no place there. Regardless about whether or not you feel the men's is suitable. Sen or immaturity are also irrelevant. Those things doesn't make it okay for them to use the women's. There are vulnerable male adults too, they don't belong in the women's either.

That was my point. I missed the "not" off clearly, and corrected myself underneath. I'm sure you could tell it was an error, but let's pretend you didn't so you could further prove your ridiculous stance.

Well I won't be stopping taking my 9 year old in with me same as 1000s of other mums so keep wasting your breath.

I agree.

my son is 13 and due to his disabilities is a long way off being able to go into the toilets alone if ever. I wouldn’t dream of ever taking him into the ladies now though and haven’t for the past 5 years or so.

he may be oblivious but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve the dignity of not being made to use the ladies toilets, and other women certainly deserve not to have a young man in the toilets.

disabled facilties are rubbish but I have never encountered there not being something most places know they need to tick the box of being “accessible”