To think boys shouldn’t go in to men’s toilets???

[Scotlandma]

This is hypothetical I seen another post about someone not letting their 9 year old use mens public bathrooms

what age do other people let their children go in to toilets on their own?

and how do you navigate them using the disabled toilets if not?? I’d be so worried in case someone actually disabled needed them

Wrapping them in cotton wool and refusing to let them out of sight is more about the high anxieties of the parent, rather then an effective risk assessment and safeguarding strategy. That approach helps no one. Not boys. Not girls. Not the mother's extreme anxieties.

CellophaneFlower
I read the OP and responded to it. I thought that the OP was concerned about her 9 year old being unsupervised with men in the male toilets. My response was that in general terms he should be safe if she was close by, waiting outside. I said that I thought boys should not be in the female toilets unless there were special needs and they were closely supervised. I have no idea why you are being so unpleasant. I am not going to trawl through all the subsequent posts to find out what you are talking about. Have a lovely evening.

If I saw an 11-year-old boy enter the bathroom where my 9-year-old SD is, I would be straight in there. The women's bathroom will not be a safe place for boys either.

Don't be silly. Clearly it's bourne out of some sense that they're keeping their child safe, without clearly thinking through the impact. But people do need to take a long hard look at themselves and address those extreme anxieties.

@CellophaneFlower "It's not the frequency that it happens (which is actually far more than I realised)" Where did you get your figures?

Well yes, there is this risk too.

@jonei I don't think it's about wrapping them in cotton wool. Most posters state they make a judgement of the situation and if they deem it unsafe they keep their boys with them. I am sure these parents do let their boys out of sight for other reasons, but toilets are a risk because they will be in a state of undress, with unknown men in a state of undress, and the mum can not see and hear if they are OK. Also, there are too many reported incidences to ignore.

I have already said an acceptable age, 10/11, certainly before they go to senior school. I do make sure my children know about road safety, yes and really hope they follow it on once they're out alone. Until then, I will cross the road with them and take them in the loo with me.

They're boys, they do risky things all the time, it's in their nature. They're forever hanging out of trees in the garden, I once caught them on the garage roof when they were younger, I'd turned my back for 10 minutes. The risk of sexual abuse terrifies me far more though.

Taking an 11 year old boy into the women's toilets is wrapping them up in cotton wool.

It gets to a point though where it’s is simply about the mothers anxieties and that ends up stopping the child developing independence skills. A lot of people have a very skewed perception of risk and blow up the risk out of proportion which then passes that fear onto others - in this case their children.

So what time in may are we all meeting up for the monthly toilets thread? ⏰ 🚽
Has the date been confirmed?

Exactly this.

Well you make a somewhat reasonable point here. I would think that most 11 year old boys really do not want to use the female loos by this age. On the other hand, if a mother came in to the loo with her son at this age, there's probably a very good reason why she'd be doing it and probably to do with SEND, and likely because there's no disabled facility available.

I'd hope my daughters would be compassionate enough to understand such a situation and not think the mother was 'nasty'.

If you're really going to insist on your 11-year-old using the women's bathroom then make sure you go in there with them because a lot of women are going to have an issue with seeing them in there and you'll want to be there to protect them from the comments they'll get.

🤣

On the other hand, if a mother came in to the loo with her son at this age, there's probably a very good reason why she'd be doing it and probably to do with SEND, and likely because there's no disabled facility available.

Well I would assume that it was to do with SEN as well if I saw this happen, (and that there is no disabled facility available) but clearly, going by this thread, it often isn't the case at all.

Can I ask a question of the more experienced mother's of boys around go did start making / letting them use the men's around 8? What did you do when You needed the toilet and were put alone with them. Did you go at the same time as they were going, and then not be able to wait outside the door for them? Did you go at different times but then your son was left standing around alone outside?

My son turns 8 soon (and is quite a young 8). I'd been psyching myself up to gradually start getting him to use the men's over the next year or so, probably starting in safer seeming places, and hovering right by the door, but until today I hadn't considered what he does when I'm going!

I think we're only talking about boys accompanied by their mothers or other female carer. No one has said about sending unaccompanied boys into the female loos....unless I've missed it?!

But thank you for the warning about how unkind people can be.

All my comments are with the assumption that the mum is present. I mean, my 8 year old isn't the least bit interested in girls or their toilet habits (Unless they're ball shaped, the girls not their habits) but I wouldn't send him in alone.

Very funny 😁

I'd hope my daughters would be compassionate enough to understand such a situation and not think the mother was 'nasty'.

What our are daughters supposed to understand here? That the 11 year old boy in the toilet may have SEN, or that the 11 year old boy in the toilet doesn't have SEN, is too old to be there, but does have a very anxious parent.

How do they tell?

The best thing to do is for children to use the toilet of their sex at this age, and then if we occasionally see a boy with his mother in the women's toilet, we can more likely assume that the situation is urgent and that there is an additional SEN issue.

@sirzy I hear what you're saying and I think it's a gradual process of giving independence while trying to mitigate risk. It isn't easy. At some point most boys will refuse to use the womens anyway, probably before they are 11. I do believe being assaulted would be worse for a child's independence skills than going with their mum to the loo. They will most likely refuse at a certain age anyway.

But thank you for the warning about how unkind people can be.

Women are protective of their girls as well you know. And it's hardly reasonable to expect them to be kind and move over. This isn't the message I would give my daughter.

Staff wouldn't be allowed to go into the toilets with pupils anyway. They could get them to go with another pupil if concerned

Because you've innocently asked why a young boy shouldn't be alone with men with their penises out? I wasn't being rude, I just assume you were being facetious.