To think boys shouldn’t go in to men’s toilets???

[Scotlandma]

This is hypothetical I seen another post about someone not letting their 9 year old use mens public bathrooms

what age do other people let their children go in to toilets on their own?

and how do you navigate them using the disabled toilets if not?? I’d be so worried in case someone actually disabled needed them

I have been a girl actually. I'm quite aware of the reproductive cycle funnily enough. I also haven't been in a loo recently that has practically saloon style doors, or noticed young boys scrambling on the floor desperately trying to cop a view whilst their mums watch them proudly. Perhaps a 2 year old might do this. Although I'm guessing you don't expect those to be parked outside?

I think the unwritten 'rule' is that by age 8 or 9 they should use same sex facilities.

I, and a lot of people, think that is too old for them to still be using the opposite sex bathroom though. They know as soon as they start school, if not before that, that boys use the boys' bathrooms and girls use the girls' bathrooms. If the male bathrooms aren't safe, then that needs to be addressed. But the answer is not to say "DD, I know this is the female bathroom, but there will probably be boys older than you in it. Suck it up, Buttercup."

Well, as a woman, you seem very insensitive to the needs of girls!

Nothing to do with knowing about the reproductive cycle.

Maybe you are not aware of how young girls can start their periods now? No longer 11-13 but often 9 or 10.

Almost all the loos I use have saloon type doors including all supermarkets and many department stores.

You're just being facetious, talking about boys trying to look under doors.

That's just daft.

It's about privacy for girls, not getting a glimpse of some girl on the loo.

But you know that and just dont like anyone disagreeing with you!

I remember my mother asking reputable looking men outside the loos if they would take my brother to the men's toilet. Not sure how old he was at the time. Mind you she seemed to know half of the people in the town so maybe they were acquainted.

And are you saying that every building should have a mens toilets, a womens toilets, an accessible toilet, and a boys to old for the ladies but too young for the mens toilets?

It's not all about boys. And why not? Why shouldn't everyone's needs be met? Why shouldn't everyone's be given dignity? Even if you take girls out of it (who cares about girls eh), where is the dignity for your son having to use the women's bathroom as a boy?

I'm not being facetious. You mentioned gaps under and over the doors, I thought that's what you were implying. I've since seen your post that it's sounds you're worried about. Ok. I'd still rather a little boy hear me poo than potentially put him at risk. If I'm out with my niece and she's upset there's a horrible, stinky little boy in her private space, I'll tell her why it's safer for him to be there, with his mum.

Using the female loo, accompanied by their mother, seems the be the only sensible option, unless you are seriously suggesting we should throw our boys to the wolves and damn the consequences?!

8 is generally considered a fair and reasonable cut off point.

What age is your cut off point, before you find yourself throwing girls to the wolves to keep your boy safe? 12? 14? 16? Never?

Which exact wolves are we throwing our sons to?

A PP had a good cut off point earlier. When you're happy for your child to be out alone. Obviously as others have pointed out, it's all about risk assessment, where the loo is situated etc, so there are times when I personally may let them go in the mens before that.

Out alone? As in, catching the bus alone? Making their way to school alone? Going into town with their mates alone?

It depends on the individual child's needs, their maturity level and other relevant factors. I wouldn't pin it down to a set biological age and would trust a mother to do what's best for her child.

"When you're happy for your child to be out alone."

So, according to Mumsnet-11?

Yes out alone. As in they're out without an adult.

I think we all know who the wolves are!

And you don't think age 8 (SEN aside) isn't a reasonable age for the vast majority of NT children to be able to use the toilet, and clean themselves up, independently?

It seems to me that for the majority of over anxious parents here, that the reasons for not giving their child this independence, is about their own over inflated fear and anxiety, not on the child's actual skills and capabilities.

I've been using men's toilets for over 70 years. I've never met a weirdo in a male toilet. I've met weirdos in lots of places but never in a men's toilet. (I am guessing over 70 years as I am now 76)

@roaringmouse I presume you mean paedophiles. How many times has a boy been accosted by a paedophile in a carefully selected men's loo in broad daylight with his mother hovering outside?

You have the same google as me, I’m sure you could also find reports of 13 year old boys being sexually assaulted in bathrooms, and 14 year old boys, and 15 year old boys… Are they to accompany you until you die? Or does it not matter so much when they’re older?

You could also find newspaper reports of kids being killed being pushed along the pavement in their buggies. Doesn’t mean people shouldn’t push their kids along the pavement in a buggy, does it?

Something happening a few times out of populations of millions across multiple countries isn’t any more of a risk than you take every day in other ways for your own convenience. It’s not unreasonable for people to expect you to do the same so that you don’t compromise their dignity and comfort.

The question I think is relevant is - is it a risk similar to being killed in a traffic accident, or when playing in a playground, or the like, or is it significantly more than that?

So, looking on the other thread about independence, that cut off age was about 16 for many. You think that's acceptale?

What age can you imagine giving your child the independence to go out by themselves? I suspect if you're too afraid to let your child use the men's toilets whilst you are literally outside the door, that age for going out in the community independently is also going to be considerably higher than it should be. 🤷‍♀️

@roaringmouse But you're making it impossible for the mothers of girls to do what's best for their child....

*acceptable

Mine go into mens loos now they are older (although only if they're desperate!) Prior to that they'd either come into the ladies with me or we'd find family toilets which are usually separate cubicles they could nip into. On the rare occasion they went into gents their Dad wasn't with them I'd stand at the door and call out periodically so people knew there was a parent close by.

Incidentally, after the last thread like this, I let my 2 go in the mens together, as I didn't need to go. They were luckily fine, but as they came out, a boy who's 2 years older than my eight year old (same school) came out of the ladies with his mum. I was quite annoyed with myself that I'd given in to peer pressure.

16?! I've not seen that thread. Surely they travel to school alone before that? Go out with friends?

No you did the right thing, giving your children that independence. Just because another parent is being ridiculous doesn't mean you have to copy them.