To think boys shouldn’t go in to men’s toilets???

[Scotlandma]

This is hypothetical I seen another post about someone not letting their 9 year old use mens public bathrooms

what age do other people let their children go in to toilets on their own?

and how do you navigate them using the disabled toilets if not?? I’d be so worried in case someone actually disabled needed them

Perceived risk.

And those who don’t let their boys use the gents are just perpetuating this irrational fear.

Let them use the gents, let them learn what’s normal behaviour in there (which will be 99.9999999999% of visits) so they’re equipped to spot what looks wrong and leave pronto. Otherwise one day they’ll go in there and freak out simply because another man is in there and being totally normal.

I sent mine into men's toilets from age seven. If I am honest not so much sent, he just refused to go into the women's toilets any more.
I am always amazed that much older boys would agree to go into the women's toilets in the first place.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4793982-would-you-leave-your-young-child-at-a-birthday-party-when-you-dont-know-the-parents

this thread made me think. When you drop your child off at a party at a leisure centre, play place there are usually other people using the facilities and the parent hosting isn’t going to take each child to the loo when the guests want to go. And yet we drop off and leave our 5/6/7/8 year olds. Or is it out of sight, out of mind?

I have marked you are being unreasonable but can also totally see where you are coming from! I was exactly the same until my husband told me that he had been letting our son go in on his own since about 7 and a half when they are at the football and waiting outside. I think as a woman we have an idea in our head of what the mens toilets are like and it is fear of the unknown. Obviously for me it is location dependant, if it is an incredibly busy place I would tend to try to use a disabled loo so I can stand right outside.

Mine is 4.5 and he'll still take her into the men's if necessary. She's pretty much able to do everything but still at times wants some help pulling pants up and washing hands and can still feel uncomfortable in a large place. We're hoping maybe by 6 she can go on her own but we'll see.

Sadly we had a friend whose Son was sexually assaulted in the Gents! ! 10.30 am in the town park .I would be careful and take them to the ladies as long as possible. Supermarket /shops probably safer generally

I still take my 9 year old in the ladies.

It’s up to each parent to assess risk and their child’s needs, that is the priority. Female toilets have individual cubicles and there is still privacy.

No mother has satisfactorily explained why she can't just escort her 9 year old son into the men's toilets rather than him using the ladies.

It’s like all common sense leaves subjects like this here. Obviously most women, as adult females, would not be comfortable walking into the men’s particularly having to go past urinals. Not only would they be uncomfortable, but it violates men’s privacy as well. Whereas a male child in a female toilet with his mother, in a cubicle, whilst women are also in cubicles, does not violate anyone’s privacy.

(No need to post about washing lots of visible blood off hands, clothes etc, etc. most of us have never seen this rare occurrence in many decades of using toilets. Muslim women adjusting hair, etc. Most parents are going to prioritise their child’s safety).

@brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Nah.

How horrible 😢

When do you think it’s ok for boys to use male toilets? 18?^^

Simonjt · Yesterday 22:06
Why shouldn’t children use the mens toilet? What is the MN obsession with toilets, its like a weird fetish.

I was trapped alone and wanked at in one. The fetish was not mine.

Because 'the problem' is not the child. The problem is keeping young children, male or female, safe from adult sexual predators. Mothers of sons can't make male loos safe anymore than mothers of daughters could, and it's ludicrous to suggest that this is what they should be spending their time campaigning for. And even if the risk is small (and I agree that statistically it is) safeguarding is about planning for it anyway. There's no way on earth I would send my small son into a male adult loo alone. If possible, I'd look for his dad to go with him, or one of his brothers, or a friend, but without those options available, I'd check the men's loo and assess the situation then and there. If it's empty, and we're in a quiet place, and I'm not carrying another baby in my arms, I'd go in the men's loo with him. But failing that, he's coming in the female loo with me. And no, he won't be loitering, or laughing, or staring. We go in, keep our eyes to the ground, do what we need to do and get out again as quickly as possible. We have a duty to protect our male children too.

Being confident isn't going to stop them getting abused though.

Of course these things can happen anywhere and I'm certainly not the type of person who expects there is a sexual predator lurking around every corner. Trying my hardest to think as one though, I'm going to position myself somewhere where I might likely see a child in a state of undress and where a younger child will be out of sight of it's parent. I know where I'd go.

Simonjt · Yesterday 22:06
Why shouldn’t children use the mens toilet? What is the MN obsession with toilets, its like a weird fetish.

Again, the obsession was not on the part of any mumsnet person.

www.dorset.live/news/dorset-news/boy-14-raped-public-toilets-7060259

An eight-year-old boy has been sexually assaulted in the toilets of a shopping centre in Hampshire.

^The boy was in Princes Mead in Farnborough on Sunday July 10 when a man tried to pull down his trousers.
Police say the boy, who did not sustain any injuries, screamed and left before finding his mother^.

www.itv.com/news/meridian/2022-07-21/eight-year-old-boy-sexually-assaulted-in-shopping-centre-toilets.

I don’t have a small child but the thought of going into the men’s, even with a child, and potentially incurring aggression from men who might object is quite terrifying. It might not, but it’s so unpredictable and potentially unsafe. Ridiculous idea.

That is a terrible story. But I don’t think 14 year old boys should go in the ladies either.

Adult men have also been raped in public toilets. Not everyone can come in the ladies (and there have been rapes in women’s toilets too, so they are not necessarily any safer).

Just to add, even in the ladies, I'll pop my head in a cubicle first before I send mine in, to check it's clean. Men's loos generally have less cubicles, so less chance of finding one in an ok state. Add that to the fact I can usually smell the mens before I see it.

What has a child's height got to do with it?

From the pov of a 7/8 yo girl, who might be using the loo on her own, seeing a much bigger boy in a place where she didn't expect to see any boys at all, could be disconcerting, even intimidating.

But girls' opinions don't seem to matter - see the post last night, when a mother 'obviously' told her 5yo to shush, when she asked why a boy was in the Ladies'.

Little boys being abused in public toilets isn’t even all that rare as far as I can make out from googling.

Honestly, the more I think about it, the more I think unisex toilets are the way to go. Then all children can be accompanied no matter who they are with. Obviously all cubicles, and floor to ceiling dividers.

People doing inappropriate things in men's toilets stems from homosexuality previously being illegal. So that men were driven to meeting other men in public toilets for sex, it doesn't mean that men are innately dodgy and unsafe around children.

What we really should be doing is discussing these thoughts and concerns with all the men in our lives. They are the ones who should be responsible for keeping their spaces safe for all males to use. We have enough on our plates defending female only spaces. And now we have to advocate for our sons as they start using male spaces independently.

Of course it doesn't. It stems from it being a place they can prey on young children, who would normally be under the direct supervision of a responsible adult. Or even the ones hoping for a quick glimpse of a child's usually covered body parts.

I agree with this. No need for communal, open urinals. Probably better for space saving but not from a safety perspective.