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Original poster

To think boys shouldn’t go in to men’s toilets???

1000 replies

Scotlandma · 27/04/2023 22:05

This is hypothetical I seen another post about someone not letting their 9 year old use mens public bathrooms

what age do other people let their children go in to toilets on their own?

and how do you navigate them using the disabled toilets if not?? I’d be so worried in case someone actually disabled needed them

OP posts:
CellophaneFlower · 28/04/2023 07:41

*it does

Nordicrain · 28/04/2023 07:44

DS is almost six. He's started wanting to go into the mens toilets rather than coming in with me. I consider it pretty low risk - I wait outside and if he is taking longer than expected I call in for him. I guess, in theory, someone could do something to him in the 2 mins he is in there alone with me right outside the door, but it seems quite a remote risk.

Matchymatchylemonscratchy · 28/04/2023 07:46

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 27/04/2023 22:09

My son is 8 and I'm now at the point where I send him into the men's loos. I fucking hate it tbh but I can't be an advocate for the preservation of single sex spaces whilst expecting other women to be ok with my son coming into the women's loos, and 8+ seems to be the time when it becomes less acceptable.

Exactly the same here. He and his seven year old brother also don’t want to be in the women’s toilets. I hover outside making it extremely obvious I’m waiting for kids.

FancyFanny · 28/04/2023 07:51

Semtee · 27/04/2023 22:11

This raises an interesting issue on school trips. Where do boys (say Y3 or 4, age 7, 8, 9) go? I never have a male member of staff with me so it's not like an adult can go in with them.

Of course the boys use the mens toilets on a school trip! It would be crazy to take the whole class into the ladies. When we go on a school trip we don't go into the either toilets with the children- the children are sent in a few at a time and a staff member waits outside with the rest to make sure they don't wander off. It's highly unlikely a rapist will be hiding in a museum toilet to grab little boys.

Portandlemonade · 28/04/2023 07:54

@Scotlandma You say it's hypothetical but then your other posts say you have a son - so which is it?

At 9 I am sure my son was going into the Gents alone.

A child of 9 is likely to need to be in there for literally seconds if they need a wee and if you stand by the door, then you can always call out if he's longer, or even put your head round the door.

There seems to be an unhealthy obsession on MN at times about sex pests, when in reality they are not as many as people imagine.

Your son is (sadly) more likely to be abused by 'trusted' adults like the scout leader or a footie coach if you look at the evidence. Not another man having a pee.

AngelineGarcia · 28/04/2023 07:55

TheSnowyOwl · 27/04/2023 22:27

From the age of 4, they go into school toilets alone and public toilets are no different. Unless the child actually needs help going to the toilet and getting dressed, I would send them in. However, we live fairly rurally so the likelihood is the toilets are empty anyway. I have to admit I would have a much higher age limit for the public toilets at London train stations or busy venues.

My younger daughter tends to use the disabled toilet - she has autism and can find public toilets too noisy, crowded, bright and smelly.

There are no fully grown adults using the reception (or any year group for that matter) kids’ loos at my child’s school. I would not send a 4-year-old into a block of men’s toilets by themselves.

ShimmeringShirts · 28/04/2023 07:56

@Beezknees from seeing my own boys grow up, they’ve became more aware that women and men are different sexes around 6/7, that’s when I started sending DS in to the male toilets by himself. Once the infant years have passed (typically 0-5) there’s no need to be so precocious in keeping them next to your side 24/7. They develop a lot of confidence and awareness of their surroundings when they can do these things alone too.

Startwithamimosa · 28/04/2023 07:58

jotunn · 28/04/2023 07:26

So women's toilets are now for

  1. Women and girls
  2. People who identify as women or girls or while they're in girl mode
  3. Boys until their parent feels they're able to use the men's safely

We could actually get rid of most of the men's toilets because the numbers using them will be so insignificant compared to the women's toilets. Or make the vast majority of toilets gender neutral with floor to ceiling doors on cubicles. Anything to make the queue for the ladies a bit shorter.

There would still probably have to be a set of ladies loos for use and disposal of period products, but maybe parents of older boys would accept that they can generally use gender neutral toilets on their own or accompanied by a parent of either sex.

It's already happening, more and more unisex toilets where I am. I hate it. I wish people would stop making such a fuss about it, as soon they'll all be unisex and that will be the worst outcome (I speak from a cleanliness point of view, nearly always the unisex toilets are disgusting, urine everywhere, toilet seat up, unflushed etc).

chaosmaker · 28/04/2023 07:58

MaybeSmaller · 27/04/2023 23:06

Where do you live that public toilets have separate family rooms?

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One of the shopping centres in Cardiff has them. A room with an adult and child toilet side by side and a sink/hand dryer. I imagine there are some in other areas of the UK.

Okunevo · 28/04/2023 07:58

Beezknees · 28/04/2023 07:24

What's the age cut off though? 10 is too old but a 4 or 5 year old boy?

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I think eighth birthday, older children with a disability can use the disabled loos.

Jemandthehologramsunite · 28/04/2023 08:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

QueefQueen80s · 28/04/2023 08:03

Isn't it awful that we constantly have to avoid male risk.
I still take my 9 year old in the ladies.

LumpySpaceGoddess · 28/04/2023 08:03

We use the disabled toilets but my son has ASD so he is allowed to, he only goes into the men’s occasionally if he is with his Dad.

Iwasafool · 28/04/2023 08:21

liveforsummer · 27/04/2023 22:11

At 9? I'd not expect to see a 9 year old boy in ladies toilets. I work in a school and some of the 9 year old boys are nearly as tall as some of the staff

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What has a child's height got to do with it?

Jonei · 28/04/2023 08:21

It's no wonder children grow up so fearful these days is it.

Iwasafool · 28/04/2023 08:22

chaosmaker · 28/04/2023 07:58

One of the shopping centres in Cardiff has them. A room with an adult and child toilet side by side and a sink/hand dryer. I imagine there are some in other areas of the UK.

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Gloucester Services on the M5 have them.

TooOldForThisNonsense · 28/04/2023 08:23

What annoys me is that most mums are sensitive to the needs of women and girls to a single sex space for reasons of privacy and dignity as well as safety and remove their boys as soon as is reasonable, despite some reservations for their boy’s safety. However a grown man can simply say he’s a woman, waltz in to the ladies and anyone who objects is a transphobic bigot 😡

ScottBakula · 28/04/2023 08:34

whereaw · 27/04/2023 22:33

What's the issue with people using disabled toilets who aren't disabled? If it's safer and easier and doesn't invade on any women for me and my children (a baby and older boy but still a child) and there is no one else who is waiting to use them I'll use them.

I guess it's OK for you to use blue badge parking spots as well then , there is no one using it and its safer and easier because you font have to walk across the carpark 😡

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/04/2023 08:35

caringcarer · 28/04/2023 05:57

At 4 a female child can go into ladies toilets on their own. Dad can wait outside. I'm sure at 4 children go to the toilet on their own at home.

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My dd would have been petrified to go to the loo in some strange place alone at 4. She would have done so by about 8. Just because children are physically able to do something, it doesn’t mean they will.

Bellevu · 28/04/2023 08:35

No mother has satisfactorily explained why she can't just escort her 9 year old son into the men's toilets rather than him using the ladies.

I hear your concerns, but why are you moving the problem into the women's loos rather than making the men's safe for your child and keeping women's spaces free of 9/10/11 year olds?

Simonjt · 28/04/2023 08:38

Bellevu · 28/04/2023 08:35

No mother has satisfactorily explained why she can't just escort her 9 year old son into the men's toilets rather than him using the ladies.

I hear your concerns, but why are you moving the problem into the women's loos rather than making the men's safe for your child and keeping women's spaces free of 9/10/11 year olds?

Because she’s not a man.

Sirzy · 28/04/2023 08:39

Disabled toilets are for those who have disabilities which mean they can only access that toilet.

facilties for people with disabilities are awful enough please don’t use them if you don’t need them

slowquickstep · 28/04/2023 08:40

PuttingDownRoots · 27/04/2023 22:11

If they are young enough to need escorting to the toilet they go with their accompanying adult to the appropriate facility for the adult.

If they are old enough to be out and about by themselves they are old enough to go to the toilet by themselves.

Not every family has a Dad to accompany a Son's into the men's loo

KatieOQ · 28/04/2023 08:41

My 2 sons are both grown up and I'm struggling to even remember what I did re toilets back then. However I did have my nephews son out with me recently, he's 10 and needed to go to the toilet and he was about to go into the ladies. I said to him, that's the ladies thinking he was just making a mistake and he told me his mum always takes him in there. He's 10, it felt bizarre to me.

NoTouch · 28/04/2023 08:43

CellophaneFlower · 28/04/2023 07:41

How does starting them young help? Can you train them not to be abused? 🤔

I've seen this mentioned on here before and never quite understood. A dodgy encounter doesn't happen till does and it's too late. Starting them young isn't going to make it less likely, you're just increasing the chances of it happening.

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I thought it was obvious what I meant - get them confident with going into the gents when they are younger with safe experiences. Smaller/local/known/busy toilets where you can hang about outside are extremely unlikely to have any problems and they can learn confidently how to go into toilets by themselves. Bigger toilets, continue to take them into ladies until they are older/around 8.

Dodgy encounters could happen in many places, imo toilets/changing rooms in general are not any higher risk than many other situations, for example, playing out with friends - you can't be with them every minute of every day or you risk stunting their development for something that is unlikely to happen.

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