DP wants to take DD3 to spain for a week without me

[letmeeatcrisps]

this has all happened so quickly but we (me DP DD3 and DS1) were booked to fly to Spain tomorrow for SIL wedding on saturday
dp booked the flights but did not check the passport requirements and he has just realised DS1 can’t go
I’ve been told by DP and family the only option is he takes DD3 for the week.
this leaves me and DS1 stuck on our own in a rural location(i moved to DPs home country) with no family nearby and no car for a week
my DD is very sensitive and I hate the way my in laws talk to her - correcting her age appropriate speech impediments etc - I would definitely worry about her being made to feel a nuisance
am I overthinking it ? ?? I feel like everyone is putting SIL feelings about her wedding over the feelings of my DD
DD does not want to leave us but she has been told there is a swimming pool so she all excited and has her swimming costume and goggles on ready to go :(
AIBU? Should I let them go and try to enjoy doing less laundry for a week? Is it unfair for them to say her feelings are irrelevant ? They said “don’t ask her what she wants, she’s 3”
are my feelings valid here, that id rather she be informed and asked for her preference (I know she would choose to stay with me and her brother if the swimming pool hadn’t been mentioned)?
is it relevant that the wedding is a small ceremony only, “no gifts and no dressing up”, “for legal purposes only” so I don’t feel that bad about missing it?!?
pls don’t be too brutal I’m feeling really sad at the thought of saying goodbye tomorrow !!

You can get a passport in a day - i would do that and travel.

How could he not have realised the baby needed a passport? You must have known he didn't have one?!

I would tell dh to go alone and try to travel with both dc if you can get passport quickly

I would just let them go and tell them to have a lovely time.

As DH messed up, keep dd home.

Why won’t you have a car?

If they are flying why are you not having the car? Think I'd be inclined to send dp alone, dd will get nothing out of it.

Always a good idea to check requirements yourself instead of relying on others - bear it in mind in future as your dp doesn't seem very together. Especially as the main impact of his mistake seems to affect only you

I'd let her go, she will have a good time. You can chill with just the baby.

Going against the grain here I think you should let DD go. I think having alone time with both parents is important. You can make it a special time for you and your DS.

Me too. It will be nice for your DD to have one on one time with their dad.

What, like a punishment?

Yeah DH, head off to Spain for a childfree week while I stay home with two kids, you shit. 😁

It sounds like OP wants dd home. If she wanted to just have one child home, she should send dd with H.

But it's not just about the OP. Her other parent wants her to go. She's 3, and will likely have a great time with her extended family. Why would you not let your child have a good experience just because it doesn't involve you?

Honeslty I think he should still go with DD3. And / or you get a passport done in a day, if you can?
Why wouldn't you have the car if he's flying? Can you drop him off at the airport so you keep the car?

DH can go by himself. DD, DS can order in food and have a week's respite from the in-laws.

Remind the in laws that their opinion is not needed, you're more than capable of parenting your child and making decisions on them because you are their mum not them.

What about the dad? Is he a lesser parent who can't be trusted with his own child then? The OP can't/shouldn't unilaterally decide.

Stay at home with both children and DH can go to the wedding himself.

I’m a bit confused about who you are worried about.

Is it the child going or you and the child left behind?

Surely even if he leaves both DCs behind then you’re still going to be in a rural area with no family or car?

Are you wanting him not to go?

Your DP wants to take her - this is not about your s'n'law...your DP wants to take his daughter.
I am confused how he messed up though - the child is one they either have a passport or they don't. Passports last about 5 years so I am assuming he thought a 1 year old did not need a passport? Or he applied late?
I'd be more upset about missing out on the holiday - how did you get to your parents inlaws home country if your 1 year old does not have a passport.

I do think that you're overthinking and overcomplicating this, OP. He's her dad, and I presume also has parental responsibility? So chill and enjoy the week with your other child/ren. It will fly by.

I don't understand why your daughters dad isn't trusted to take her on holiday.
Mine flew 2.5 year old and 4 year old to UAE and back by himself for a week a couple of months ago to visit relatives and he was fine.
Let him take her, bet you would lose your shit if he said you weren't allowed to take 3 year old anywhere without him

What are the passport issues? The only one I can think of is that he doesn't have one? I assume your partner would care for your daughter well? If he'd let his family treat his daughter badly you have bigger issues than the holiday.

If she wants to go I'd say she should go with her dad.

I don’t understand why DD can’t go away with her dad to see family. She’s 3, she doesn’t get to decide. You and your husband decide but quite frankly there’s no reason for her not to go other than you don’t want her to and your feelings don’t trump her dads feelings when he wants to take her to a family thing

Why was DH's sole responsibility to sort DS's passport?
What's the relevance of why you moved to a remote location?
Why won't you have transport?
Why wouldn't everyone be considering SIL's feeling if it's her wedding?
Why try confuse or upset a 3yo by telling her she had to choose between daddy and a swimming pool or mummy and staying at home, completely isolated, no family, no car etc etc. That's not fair. It's OK to tell a 3yo where they're going as long as you're not sending her down the mines for a week. Giving her those options are just going to confuse her and probably involves a bit of emotional blackmail 'stay with mummy or she'll be all alone'.
So, unless you think DH is totally incapable of looking after his own child for a week, just let them go and you can try sort passport out and still get there by Saturday

Why did you leave everything to your DH to sort out? Why can't your daughter go? It's not her fault her parents couldn't sort a passport out for her brother. I'm sure she will have a great time.

You’re making a mountain out of a molehill. No one is putting SILs opinion over your DDs, she’s 3 she doesn’t have a real opinion. A week on holiday in Spain with her father will be good for both of them. It’s a pity DS can’t go but that’s not a reason for everyone to miss out.