DP wants to take DD3 to spain for a week without me

[letmeeatcrisps]

this has all happened so quickly but we (me DP DD3 and DS1) were booked to fly to Spain tomorrow for SIL wedding on saturday
dp booked the flights but did not check the passport requirements and he has just realised DS1 can’t go
I’ve been told by DP and family the only option is he takes DD3 for the week.
this leaves me and DS1 stuck on our own in a rural location(i moved to DPs home country) with no family nearby and no car for a week
my DD is very sensitive and I hate the way my in laws talk to her - correcting her age appropriate speech impediments etc - I would definitely worry about her being made to feel a nuisance
am I overthinking it ? ?? I feel like everyone is putting SIL feelings about her wedding over the feelings of my DD
DD does not want to leave us but she has been told there is a swimming pool so she all excited and has her swimming costume and goggles on ready to go :(
AIBU? Should I let them go and try to enjoy doing less laundry for a week? Is it unfair for them to say her feelings are irrelevant ? They said “don’t ask her what she wants, she’s 3”
are my feelings valid here, that id rather she be informed and asked for her preference (I know she would choose to stay with me and her brother if the swimming pool hadn’t been mentioned)?
is it relevant that the wedding is a small ceremony only, “no gifts and no dressing up”, “for legal purposes only” so I don’t feel that bad about missing it?!?
pls don’t be too brutal I’m feeling really sad at the thought of saying goodbye tomorrow !!

Since Covid it’s been very hard to get emergency appointments for passports

Sounds like they're not in the UK ? May not be possible ?

@letmeeatcrisps why won't you have the car ? How are you going to get shopping etc ?

I understand your sadness, but I would let her go OP. It will be nice for the two of them to have some time together and go to a wedding.

@letmeeatcrisps No I wouldn’t let my three year old go. It’s too long to be away from her mother and amongst people she doesn’t know that well. I’d be concerned about parental abduction as well if you’re in his country.

@Kickingupmerrybehaviour I’d be concerned about parental abduction as well if you’re in his country.

Would you though?
Really?
OPs husband, the father of her children, spending a week with his own child would make you concerned about parental abduction based on absolutely nothing that would even hint at that other than him being a father and not a mother?

Sometimes I think posters just get a kick out of making the most batshit post on the thread.

So you think he's going to abduct his children out of his own country?

What the actual?!
Her husband who's she's still happily married too?!
Who is leaving his home country for a holiday?!
This is the post batshit thing I've read on here for ages 😂

P.s id let my daughter go, she'll have a lovely time with her dad. You can chill & have some 1:1 with your little boy.

How do you only just realise your 1 year old doesn't have a passport?

@Daisy95 she didn’t say she was married in her post.
There’s no need for a pile on. You only have to read the stories of Hague mothers to know this is a thing.

Echoing what others have said .....why wouldn't dad take the child on holidays? The baby can't go so one of the adults has to stay at home with him It's your husband's sister getting married so your husband seems like the natural choice to go on the trip, meaning you're the natural choice to stay with baby.

Do you normally do everything together?

Oh come on!! Sorry I meant partner..
but even still.. why would you live with someone & have another child but not trust them to look after their own child without abducting them?! It's mental!

What country are you all assuming they're in? And why are you assuming, regardless of nationality, that he'll abduct his own child?
Anyway, it's obvious this OP is never coming back. Probably a planted story by Daily Mail waiting for all your 'he's going to abduct your daughter' comments

@Daisy95 I misread her post. Thought he was taking the child to his home country being Spain.
But to answer your question women do for lots of complex reasons. My own British mother had three children and two of us were abducted by our non British father

I suspect that OP was just describing her life circumstances and meant that she didn’t drive so would mostly stay at home and wouldn’t be able to go around much.
About the trip to Spain.
I’m not sure how good is this idea. Did your DD stay without you before for a week? How well her Spanish relatives know her? Do you trust your DH to cope with this? Of course, he should but would he?
My DD could have easily spent a day or two without me at this age but not more, she wasn’t used to it yet. If needed DH would be able to cope with her at home for a week but would struggle at a new environment. Some people could say it wasn’t right but it’s how it was. So my advice is to think realistically how doable their trip is.

@pizzaHeart that's a lot of assumptions. Where did OP say they were Spanish? And it's pretty weird to assume OP doesn't drive - so even if DH is at home, she's still at his mercy to go absolutely anywhere seen as she states they live in such a rural location. Does DH work from home? Does he take OP the shops, the nursery, the GP, play dates...?
If this was DH saying he doesn't want to take DD abroad for a week on his own for a family because he felt he couldn't cope, there'd be uproar. But here people are assuming he's not to he trusted to look after his own child in the company of his own family, regardless of their nationality.
I seriously must have missed reams and reams of posts to overlook all this important information. My bad, I must learn to read between the lines more closely

My feelings exactly. You are being very silly

@Dontbelieveaword OP said that she would be without a car so I thought that it might be about her not driving rather than her DH going by car to Spain. It’s just a guess of course I might be wrong. But you know that not all adults can drive do you? It’s a big assumption you’ve made that they do.
I thought that her DH is Spanish as she said about him going to a wedding in Spain and about relatives but I’m happy to be wrong.
My main point was about the trip to Spain, the nationality of his relatives didn’t matter.

Is the partner used to providing a lot of care for his daughter usually? Does he know what her food likes and dislikes are? Does he dress her, bath her, brush her hair, put her to bed? Will he be able to give her his full attention when in a large group of people she doesn't know? Will he keep her next to him and watch her totally? Will he put her to bed at a decent time and stay with her? Will he change sheets if she wets the bed? Etc etc

Or will he let a succession of female relatives take care of her? Will she be left with strangers? Do they speak the same language? Will he be off meeting and greeting with family? Will he be having a few drinks? Will he be sitting up late, catching up with friends? Will she be safe?

He's her father. Why on earth wouldn't she be safe?! Some of you must be paired up with some right Neanderthals.

I would find this difficult as well op and I would hate being away from my child for that long when they were so little even if they were with their other parent and I know rationally that they were fine and likely to have a blast. So I think your feelings are understandable. I think if your partner is hands on and you trust him to look after dd appropriately then I'd let her go and enjoy it since she is looking forward to it. I'd get him to get a taxi or lift to the airport so you have the car if you need it and can drive. I would try to get a rush on a passport and see if you can get a flight out to join them a little later. But I would hate the entire situation as well.

@pizzaHeart yes, I'm aware not all people drive. However, OP specifically said 'left without a car all week' so not really that big assumption that she can drive a car, eh?

Did you not realise your son needed a passport either?

Can he brush her hair and bathe her? Will he change the bed? Have I missed a post where OP says DH is brain dead or doesn't have arms?
And if this was a woman taking her child to her sister's wedding abroad on her own, would we be questioning whether she would be allowed to have a glass of wine, or catch up with family and friends, or asking would she be staying up late and letting a stranger take care of DD or be looked after by various 'female" family members?
Honestly, where do these posters come from?

I've seen lots of children parented lazily by fathers, especially when on holiday. They underestimate the level of vigilance needed to keep a small child safe, because there's usually a mum in the background with higher standards of care.

At Easter, I saw a guy with two little kids on the pier, letting them run off and stand on railings. When his partner appeared, he sheepishly called them away and started paying more attention.

Not all dads. Hence the first scenario.