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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy my white daughter a brown doll - thats OK right?

261 replies

Capaldifan94 · 25/04/2023 16:41

Just that really..

OP posts:
Nachobowls · 25/04/2023 17:35

Yes of course it’s fine, though reminds me of the time when my ex asked me what dd (mixed race) would like for her birthday, I said a Cinderella doll, he refused to buy it and said she needed to have a doll that “looked like her” he came back with a jasmine doll as it was the “one that looks like her the most” dd doesn’t like Aladdin and we are not Asian so not sure how it represented her

Goodread1 · 25/04/2023 17:41

Yes of course it is, @Capaldifan94

I know why this should be a issue at all

I think this a good thing, that you have brought your daughter,

Hope your daughter has lots of enjoyment playing with her new doll

Speaking as a middle aged British Welsh Afro Caribbean woman

Msloverlover · 25/04/2023 17:43

I’m assuming you have teddy bears and are not in fact a family of bears?

Yummymummy2020 · 25/04/2023 17:43

My kids have black dolls, and white dolls. Nobody has batted an eyelid when they bring them out and about. I don’t think you need to worry!

DustyLee123 · 25/04/2023 17:44

I had one in the 70’s, I don’t see the problem.

slowquickstep · 25/04/2023 17:44

pastaandpesto · 25/04/2023 17:31

I do think this is a bit more nuanced than some of the faux wide-eyed responses are claiming.

There is clearly nothing wrong with a young white child choosing and playing with a black doll.

But for an adult to choose a black doll for a white child is a bit more complicated, because, unfortunately, the dominance of white dolls means that choosing a non-white doll is a deliberate choice. So this means it becomes a question of why the adult has chosen a black doll.

Perhaps its simply because the doll in question has cooler accessories, in which case all good.

Or perhaps it might be because the adult wants to normalise diversity, which is at least well-intentioned.

But it could be because the adult just wants an easy way (consciously or unconsciously) to signal to other adults just how right-on they are as parents, while not concerning themselves in any way with the real issues surrounding diversity and racism. Which while not cultural appropriation, is something not completely dissimilar.

Or maybe it was on sale therefore it was cheaper. It isn't always deep and meaningful. Sometimes we just buy things

Goodread1 · 25/04/2023 17:44

Oops Sorry about Typo mistake
I ment to say,

I don't know, why this should be a issue

Buying a black doll for your daughter to play with,

No problem whatsoever with you doing this

No offence about you doing this

As a Black British Welsh Afro Caribbean woman as myself

Vivalaive · 25/04/2023 17:45

Yes ofc.

GP75 · 25/04/2023 17:46

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Loraloralaughs · 25/04/2023 17:48

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Hayliebells · 25/04/2023 17:48

In what way is your DM "old fashioned"? Old fashioned in that she's a bit racist? If not, I'm not sure what relevance her being "old fashioned" has? Being mindful of cultural appropriation is must definitely not old fashioned. If you mean he's old fashioned in the way that some very elderly people can be a bit racist, how old is your mum? If she's not in her 90s, I'd absolutely be calling her out on that. If she's in her 60s/70s, she really should know better...

Annabel073 · 25/04/2023 17:50

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 25/04/2023 16:44

I had one in the Stone Age when I was a child. She was my favourite.

I have a beautiful brown doll that I inherited from my mum that she played with as a child - she was born in 1933.

Lifeomars · 25/04/2023 17:50

Centuries ago when I was young, I had a black doll, I called her Rosamund and I loved her so much, I also had a white doll with ginger curls who I was less fond of unimaginatively named Curly and a teddy bear that I adored. The teddy bear was known as Baby Bear and I loved and cuddled him so much he was practically bald.

JudgeJ · 25/04/2023 17:52

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 25/04/2023 16:44

I had one in the Stone Age when I was a child. She was my favourite.

So did I, I loved Susan,

BarbieWithAids · 25/04/2023 17:52

Last year Mattel brought out a Barbie who wears hearing aids. My deaf DD was beyond thrilled - a Barbie just like her! The aids were even the same colour as DDs! Naturally I bought it for her as soon as it came out.

DD is 22 Grin

She absolutely loves it Smile

I so wish she could have had one when she was little. We did have a big puppet doll with giant glove type hands that we could put our hands into, so it looked like the doll was using sign language. It was fucking terrifying, quite frankly. We have kept it stored in the airing cupboard but DH turned it round to face the wall so it can't look at you you can't see it's face Grin

JudgeJ · 25/04/2023 17:54

Whatsthefrequencykenny · 25/04/2023 16:45

We did as she picked it out in the store but then I gave it away. Didn't want to be accused of cultural appropriation.

'Cultural appropriation' another phrase that causes nmore trouble than it solves! My children had kilts and have no Scottish blood, where do I go to beat myself?

BarbieWithAids · 25/04/2023 17:57

I missed out my main point, which was that DD would have been thrilled if her friends had had dolls with hearing aids. (Apologies if it sounds like I am conflating being black with being deaf or disabled, as I don't intend it that way, obviously!) it just would have been great for DD if there had been more representation of dolls that looked like her.

I fear I'm wording this very awkwardly.

FranksOcean · 25/04/2023 17:58

Of course it’s ok!

Tillyteacup · 25/04/2023 17:58

It’s fine! White dolls are still seen as the norm so it’s good to expand that. I volunteered at a nursery once children were more reluctant to play with the black baby dolls which I thought was a bit sad. I mean they would play with them but went for the white ones first.

farnhamgal · 25/04/2023 17:59

PuffinPuffinPenguin · 25/04/2023 16:45

YABU to ask TBH. That's why I voted YABU.
Your medal's in the post... 🙄

This!

Did you post this just for everyone to give you a high 5 that you're getting your child a brown doll? Well done!

qwertykeyboards · 25/04/2023 17:59

Yabu for even asking

Brefugee · 25/04/2023 18:00

our DDs both had Baby Born dolls. One was white, one was the dark skinned one, she was called Latifah because she'd seen a picture of Queen Latifah at the time we got the doll. It is perfectly fine, why wouldn't it be?

Easterfunbun · 25/04/2023 18:00

I had the first ever black barbie. Twas fab. Lost it in my front garden so then “accused” my neighbour (who was black) for stealing it. She denied it and all hell broke loose. Turns out I had dropped it in the bush que my mother marching me around to apologise to my friend 🤦‍♀️ 😂. Said friend still being my best friend and we often laugh about this story.

Mischance · 25/04/2023 18:02

Why wouldn't you?

Greydog · 25/04/2023 18:02

Another oldie here - I had a black doll when I was 5 - and that was in the late 50s. I can't believe that anyone could have a problem with it.