To Have "Told Off" Someone's Child?

[FooFighter99]

Just trying to gauge opinion but I'm pretty sure I wasn't BU

Walking home from school this afternoon having picked DD up, casually strolling through the estate to get home, chatting with another mum and her kids as they absolutely love our dog when I notice a young boy who's in front of us but walking about 5 paces behind his mum and possibly his older brother, and he's spitting on the floor with every other step

He's obviously got sweets in his mouth as the spit is bright red/pink and we're then having to dodge round it so we don't walk in it (gross) cos it'll be sticky and disgusting and I don't want someone else's spit all over my shoes and/or dogs paws

I said "ew can you stop spitting" in a jokey/normal tone, didn't raise my voice, wasn't angry or confronting, just wanted him to stop spitting on the pavement

His mum turned round and said "did you just tell my kid off?" to which I replied, "well, he's spitting all over the floor" and she responded by telling my to mind my own business and concentrate on my own kid - I responded by pointing out that my child wasn't spitting everywhere... again, didn't raise my voice, didn't get angry or animated but she kept chunnering all the way down the road till they eventually turned off onto their estate

Now, I'm sorry, actually not sorry in the slightest but if my DD had been the one spitting and another mum had pulled her up on it, I would have also told DD off for spitting, not the other mum for saying something

And seriously, spitting is fucking disgusting and she ought to teach her child some manners

@Minimalme

children with disabilities and/or additional needs are still capable of learning. It’s wrong to suggest otherwise.

they can be taught not to do it or some kind of alternative like spitting into a hanky or whatever.

I tell grown adults off for spitting. I can't stand it. It is THE number one thing I will not tolerate from my children. YANBU Xx the mother ought to have some training on the damage human spit can do to others!

While that is gross and I'd hate witnessing that too, I wouldn't have said anything. In most cases telling off someone else's child in front of the parent for something that isn't directly harming/affecting your child isn't usually going to go down well. Clearly a mother who's letting her young child eat sweets and spit over the ground isn't the sort of mother who's going to take kindly to her child being told off - you're highlighting her inadequacy as a parent as she wasn't watching him or telling him off. And you're unlikely to achieve anything by telling him off - I doubt he stopped spitting at all or for very long, and you never would have changed any behaviour long term. That needs to come from the parent. So for the sake of avoiding an argument and hostility in my opinion there's no point saying anything.

I don’t think it was your place to tell him off. If he was spitting at you or your dog then fair enough. It’s not a nice habit but that’s down to his parents to tell him and given how close she was to him, I wouldn’t have told a child off I didn’t know when something wasn’t directed at me.

I wouldnt have said anything, tbh most kids will stop misbehaving if you clear your throat and shake your head at them.

That says more about you than
her I think. It is quite gross.

I had a similar reaction from a mother when I asked a child not to throw rubbish in the road.

I was once in the supermarket trying to buy some bread - which was all stacked in the bottom shelf when a child climbed halfway up the shelving so he could stamp on all the loaves.
I smiled at him and hissed 'If you do that again, you WILL regret it' in my most sinister voice, which made him run back and clutch at his mother fearfully. 😂

The world would be a better, safer place if we took an active interest in what other people's kids were doing and felt we could approach them about it. It takes a village...

I was at Marwell Zoo over Easter and felt compelled to talk to a child (looked about 5) who was just about to fall into the Zebra enclosure after having climbed up a fence - no parents in sight. I suggested he might like to get down, and he did. I would like to think that if my child was silly enough to do that or if I'd been daft enough to leave them unsupervised in the zoo, someone else would do the same for me.

Imagine what they are like at home if they are like that in public it’s the most disgusting thing to see anyone doing it you were dead right to say it

Hey, it's fine

That woman was ridiculously defensive but I guess she felt embarrassed

Yabu I don’t think u can say anything tbh. Loads of people hate dodging peoples dogs, having to walk fast or cross roads to avoid them etc. not to mention dog pee, poo, drool, possible chase. I would have crossed the road if the spit was bothering me. Ur dog isn’t anyone’s kids problem. And they are just a kid. :)

I hope you're not raising your own children this way because ThEyRe JuSt KiDs

They are just kids? It’s 2023 u cannot speak to anyone’s child however u feel fit. I raise my kids to be respectful but not allow themselves to be disrespected. Especially for someone’s dog? 😂
u have a problem so u move. That kid probably didn’t even notice them, again they are just a child. If anything she should have told the mum or removed herself from the situation.

The thing is its so easy to judge the situation on mumsnet call the mother scummy and all the rest of it but I wonder why she was walking ahead of the little one without knowing the full facts its difficult to judge the situation. I personally would have caught up and spoke directly to the parent in some situations I know it can't be avoided spitting is vile the child was very young and she wasn't aware of what was going on because she was ahead of her child but I just wonder could have been a reason for this she was defensive but I think many parents would be if they hear someone telling off the child without knowing why and was likely she was embarrassed. Just kindly approach the parents first if possible.

She's obviously a shit parent. She probably doesn't even know as it's probably how she was raised. Nothing you say will help.

YANBU, spitting is vile.

Really?! Can't hear her child spit directly behind her but can hear someone tell her child not to spit?

And then, instead of saying "yes son, stop spitting, that's disgusting", she defends her child.

You're reaching!

I would have just said to the mum your child is spitting. If not had a chance to get to the parent I would say to my child be careful as x child is spitting and it’s rude to spit on the floor as it’s germs on peoples shoes. I wouldn’t have approached the child. x

I have a toddler and if anyone took the time to tell them off for doing something unacceptable I would actually be really pleased ( within the bounds of reasonableness ie not shouting). I feel that it just reinforces that we live in a community and that she is expected to behave in a certain way, and it’s not just me coming up with random rules.

My sister recently stayed with me and she told my toddler off ( kindly but firmly) and it worked wonders. I thanked her for it.

But also if my child spat even once I would have found that unacceptable and done something ( not actually sure what but I better figure it out before the toddler decides to try this one).

Spitting is disgusting. But you don’t know the child. I work with lots of sen children who spit a lot as a sensory thing. Some just spit, some spit and play with it. Of all different ages as well. One of the boys we have who spits at people we aren’t allowed to comment on it as it actually makes it worse so we have to do a lot of ignoring. It’s one of the things in a send classroom I struggle with - spit and snot!!

I can’t help telling other people’s children off sometimes; I’m a primary teacher and it slips out. The key is to do it with a hard stare, so the parents daren’t come back at you 😂

I would have done the same OP.

Exactly @Quinoawoman and well done, it’s reassuring to know there are people like you out there

And again more assumptions maybe she did hear him maybe she didn't I mean come on for real do you really think a child that young would be full force spitting making loud sounds and the mother would just ignore in front of other kids and parents? 🤔Maybe dribbling spit with a sweet in his mouth i just find threads like this quite difficult im not going to start ripping the mother to shreds without knowing full facts of the situation. I would approach the mother first. A small child and she may not have been aware she should have been watching him but you don't know if she heard or not.

Am I missing somthing here just because it is a child doesn't mean disease can't be passed in this way. It is disgusting and noone should do it, child or adult.