To Have "Told Off" Someone's Child?

[FooFighter99]

Just trying to gauge opinion but I'm pretty sure I wasn't BU

Walking home from school this afternoon having picked DD up, casually strolling through the estate to get home, chatting with another mum and her kids as they absolutely love our dog when I notice a young boy who's in front of us but walking about 5 paces behind his mum and possibly his older brother, and he's spitting on the floor with every other step

He's obviously got sweets in his mouth as the spit is bright red/pink and we're then having to dodge round it so we don't walk in it (gross) cos it'll be sticky and disgusting and I don't want someone else's spit all over my shoes and/or dogs paws

I said "ew can you stop spitting" in a jokey/normal tone, didn't raise my voice, wasn't angry or confronting, just wanted him to stop spitting on the pavement

His mum turned round and said "did you just tell my kid off?" to which I replied, "well, he's spitting all over the floor" and she responded by telling my to mind my own business and concentrate on my own kid - I responded by pointing out that my child wasn't spitting everywhere... again, didn't raise my voice, didn't get angry or animated but she kept chunnering all the way down the road till they eventually turned off onto their estate

Now, I'm sorry, actually not sorry in the slightest but if my DD had been the one spitting and another mum had pulled her up on it, I would have also told DD off for spitting, not the other mum for saying something

And seriously, spitting is fucking disgusting and she ought to teach her child some manners

I personally wouldn’t have cared about the spitting - bird, cat, dog and rat excrement is far worse. But I have told children off for dangerous things - eg trying to push another child onto the road / fights / trying to crash their bikes into people.

Oooh, sorry to disappoint but I am actually one of those people who would, and definitely have, told off adults for shit behaviour

Case in point - during the Easter bank holiday, at around 10:30pm, I heard loud banging coming from the car park over the road. I opened my front door to find 3 hooligans (I reckon no older than 18) absolutely demolishing a car so I shouted "oi" and they scarpered. I then went upstairs for the baseball bat, grabbed a torch and took off across the road to see what they had done (was worried about my lovely neighbours car) and was more than willing to see them off if they were still there. They weren't and me and a few other neighbours contacted the police.

So, yes, not only do I scold naughty children I also do it to shitty adults too

YANBU , spitting is disgusting and obviously his deficient parent won’t be telling him that . Personally I think given a choice of both I’d rather step in dog pee than someone’s spittle

Me too

You were doing fine, till your swearing at the end, that's not a good example either, just as bad as spitting, we lead by example

You weren't unreasonable but the type of parent who doesn't give a shit that their kid is doing that is not going to be the type who responds well to someone else saying something.

@Tilliemolly

swearing is nowhere near as bad as spitting

it doesn’t involve bodily fluids for a start

She didn't swear at the child or at the mum?

Are you telling her off for swearing on MN?

Of course you can tell a kid off for spitting on the pavement!

I have to say so many posts on SM when a child is doing something unacceptable has the same answer...
"They may have some form of special needs etc."
So I'll ask....a question.
When is the correct age to teach them that unacceptable behaviour is just that...
Is it when they're toddlers, tweens, teenage, early adults or as a society are we expected to let them grow into adulthood and let them continue with more unacceptable, possibly worse behaviour all in the name of special needs?

Spitting is antisocial. As adults we should be calling out children for antisocial behavior as they need to understand that it's not a nice way to act. It didn't sound like the OP was particularly rude, just asked the child to stop spitting. The child's Mum probably reacted because she was embarrassed that she hadn't corrected her child, like she should have done.

Spitting is a bit like littering - it's just a bit scummy and uncivilized. The OP was not BU for objecting to the behavior and asking the child not to do this.

Swearing on mumsnet has nothing to do with leading by example in real life 😂😂😂
If you want to talk about leading by example, the OP did a grand job if this by informing the child that it's not okay to spit in a public place.

But you have to pick on the fact the OP swore in her post and not at the child in question?
Have you never sworn in your life away from children / around adults / online?
Bullshit you haven't.

Kind of depends don't you think?
What if the child is severely learning disabled and lacks capacity to understand? Is non verbal maybe and has severe challenging behaviour?
Sometimes all you can do is try to manage the behaviours. Not every disabled child has the ability to understand or control their behaviours.

I'm not talking about this child of course. I am responding to your general question about children with disabilities in society as a whole.

Hi OP - YANBU in my opinion.
This is precisely why society is such a mess at the moment because his PARENT should have thanked you not switched on you!
I recently "told a kid off" for this very thing in a playground. He was about 10/11yrs old and was at the top of the climbing frame, leaning over and was spitting (phlegm!) onto the ground near where other children (including mine) were passing! I was in total shock and horror and I asked him (quite sternly) to stop as it is disgusting and unhygienic. I also asked him who his parents were so that I could speak with them but when he pointed them out...I decided that a polite and constructive conversation was very unlikely.

On a similar note....I am just about to log into the council website to report fly-tipping outside my house!....

Spitting, dog poo and fly-tipping....this is what seems to have become of our society nowadays.

We really are living in a terrible society - very few people take any responsibility for their actions, there's no such thing as being neighbourly any more, it's not like it was when I was a kid in the 80's. I feel sorry for my DD for the world she's growing up in.

I'm waiting to catch one of the school run dad's leaving his dogs shit on the pavement.... can't bollock him till I catch him in the act! But I'm 99.999999% sure it's him/his dog.

It doesn’t surprise me. We walk home through a grave yard and the amount of children trampling all over the graves is pretty disrespectful, yet their parents can clearly see. That’s why there’s so many unruly children in society. It’s not wrong to say, “Please can you stop spitting, as other people will step in it.” It’s reminding children to be aware of their actions.

@Tilliemolly

also, she didn’t swear at the mum or child.

God I can't believe some people actually think it's ok to live in a society where a school age child is allowed to just spit wherever they want without an adult telling them off. What life to do you actually envisage if your standards are so low. What DO you care about.
I would have done the same but also asked the mother this question above- who does she think she is raising.. what human will this kid be? Honestly- I am now so depressed, I just despair of how revolting people have become.

One child spat on a pavement but an entire generation of kids and parents have been called scummy, trash, disgusting.

It was one kid, op told him to stop, she's happy with how she dealt with it, no one wants to consider child who have a disability which means they will never stop spitting in public.

The end.

Another pointless NM explosion of cultural hysteria.

Also, the hand-wringing despair is disproportionate.

YANBU. No wonder he has such a poor attitude with that as a mother.

Recently, I was in the supermarket in a Sunday. It was very busy and I had a trolley. A mum had allowed her probably about 5 years old no more than that child have a wheeled basket. He was standing in the middle of a packed aisle, no one could get past, and swinging the basket. Mum was entirely ignorant of this.

So, as someone who has worked with small children, I said, in full CBeebies voice "oh sorry sweetheart, but could I just pop past you" and when he made an attempt to move said "thank you very much". No hint of annoyance/aggression anything.

Mum then snaps round and starts screeching at me "did you just call my son sweetheart he's not your sweetheart, don't tell him to move". Lost her mind at me.

So I said, very calmly "would you have preferred move you brat?"

She was quite speechless at that.

Entitled parenting/gentle parenting call it what you want, it's lazy, can't be arsed and won't be pulled on it behaviour. I bet teachers are sick of the one you encountered already.

If you don't teach your child right from wrong just because they have a disability you are a trash, lazy parent.

Additional needs aren't reasons to condone spitting in the street when folk walk their dogs and children walk. It's unacceptable.

You are part of the problem. If you don't like people speaking up about unacceptable behaviour then stop raising kids to think that behaviour is okay. Additional needs or not.

It’s fine.

Either she has no standards or she was embarrassed, either way she is not doing her job.

I have never come across a child who has to spit on the pavement because of a disability. My children have a genetic illness that amongst other things causes issues with saliva. They are taught to spit into handkerchiefs if they need to.

@Minimalme

its not

spitting is rank