To Have "Told Off" Someone's Child?

[FooFighter99]

Just trying to gauge opinion but I'm pretty sure I wasn't BU

Walking home from school this afternoon having picked DD up, casually strolling through the estate to get home, chatting with another mum and her kids as they absolutely love our dog when I notice a young boy who's in front of us but walking about 5 paces behind his mum and possibly his older brother, and he's spitting on the floor with every other step

He's obviously got sweets in his mouth as the spit is bright red/pink and we're then having to dodge round it so we don't walk in it (gross) cos it'll be sticky and disgusting and I don't want someone else's spit all over my shoes and/or dogs paws

I said "ew can you stop spitting" in a jokey/normal tone, didn't raise my voice, wasn't angry or confronting, just wanted him to stop spitting on the pavement

His mum turned round and said "did you just tell my kid off?" to which I replied, "well, he's spitting all over the floor" and she responded by telling my to mind my own business and concentrate on my own kid - I responded by pointing out that my child wasn't spitting everywhere... again, didn't raise my voice, didn't get angry or animated but she kept chunnering all the way down the road till they eventually turned off onto their estate

Now, I'm sorry, actually not sorry in the slightest but if my DD had been the one spitting and another mum had pulled her up on it, I would have also told DD off for spitting, not the other mum for saying something

And seriously, spitting is fucking disgusting and she ought to teach her child some manners

They may have but OP didn’t tell the child off she just asked them to stop. Kids with additional needs also need to learn about manners. My nephew has additional needs and got into the habit of spitting. I tell him to stop all the time, as do his parents and they would be fine with someone out and about telling him to stop it too.

people can be incredibly precious.

You'd be quite happy walking through someone's sticky spit and possibly walking that into your house?

I'd tell off someone's child for doing something really dangerous or hurting other children, but that's about it. Certainly not spitting. You might not like it and it might be gross but it's not actually harming anyone, despite your opinion. That said, if someone pulled my kid up for doing something gross I would back them up. I think most people would take offence at the criticism like this woman did.

And this is what is wrong with society.
Additional needs or not, a child can be told that spitting is disgusting. I am so fed up of lazy parents who use ‘additional needs’ as their get out clause for their lack of parenting.

@Jifmicroliquid

Completely agree!! I see it on here all the time. For some reason additional needs means it's absolutely acceptable for a child to do whatever they want and they cannot be told otherwise. It's lazy parenting. Having a child with additional needs didn't equate to lazy parenting letting the child get away with shit that a child without additional needs wouldn't. Spitting is spitting. If it's for 'sensory' needs then monitor the situation and tell the child it's disgusting and keep trying to stop the child from spitting. Letting the child walk 5 paces behind you spitting with every step leaving sticky messes on the floor for everybody else to swerve isn't it.

Yanbu however I would of probably shouted ahead to her to say sort your kid out. Although by the sounds of it you probably would of got the same reaction.

This is absolutely the sad truth, as any teacher will attest to.

In some areas multi resistant TB is on the rise again, it’s definitely a public health issue. Maybe we need to bring back the signs!!
Thought it was just basic human decency, but this thread shows maybe not!

This is why society is a mess. Parents would rather berate another mother for doing something they should have done than believe their precious cherub is anything other than perfect. Spitting is vile behaviour and the mother should be ashamed for allowing it. I imagine he’ll grow up to be a nightmare.

I'd have no problem telling another child off. Some of the kids today are obviously being dragged up by parents too lazy to...well, parent.

Really?! It is so disgusting.

@FooFighter99 YANBU at all. If it had been my child you said this too, I would have mortified I didn't notice him doing it and would have backed you all the way. Disgusting, disgusting habit.

@Redebs So if I see some child verbally abusing another child, maybe racially motivated, I shouldn't say anything because they're not causing any physical damage?

Couldn’t agree more.

You didn't even tell him off; you just asked him to stop. YWNBU to say something.

I would have done the same. I bet the scummy parent was embarrassed. I would be,so she got defensive.

@Squiblet

is it?? Why??

People say that it takes a village to raise a child, so I'm glad the OP helped 'raise' this one. And she did it politely. To those saying that the child may have additional needs - if so, shouldn't his mother have been walking by his side instead of in front of him? And if we tolerated all bad behaviour in children just in case they are neurodivergent, any child would be able to behave in any way they wanted all the time. Spitting is disgusting. (I wish footballers would stop doing it, too! )

@meganorks

spitting is rank and her kid was doing it loads, why should she take offence?

nobody wants to see her kids gobs of spit all over the pavement

@gannett

its rank

maybe you are happy to see gobs of spit all over the ground, most people are not

YANBU.
You didn't tell him off, you asked if he'd stop spitting.

If it takes a village to raise a child- and it does- then adults need to tell off misbehaving children

Irisandillies · Today 08:50
I think you were wrong. He may have had additional needs. I am also going to assume you’re Billy big bollocks telling off little kids but aren’t doing rhe same to adults”

Rude. You know no such thing.

This thread made me think of the ones about how unwelcoming the UK is towards children, compared to European countries.

Except in said European countries, a kid misbehaving would absolutely be addressed by strangers, without a second thought. If you want kids to be welcomed by society, they need to be taught how to behave in society.

When I was young I saw old men spitting and thought it was bad, but they didn't know better and were set in their ways. When that generation is gone, so will the spitting be, I thought, and there was an interval when it was. What happened?

You did the right thing. Spitting like that is totally unacceptable.

I told of a child in the park for bothering swans and geese. He actually did stop and his mother didn’t say anything.

The kid was doing something societally unacceptable and his DM didn't notice. Sounds as if even if she'd noticed, she wouldn't care. When I was a kid, in the 1960s, if I'd behaved like that, you'd told me off and my DM had heard you and realised I'd been spitting, she'd have thanked you and probably clipped me round the ear to reinforce the message. I'm glad those days have gone (hitting) but you know, it takes a village to raise a child, etc. I think YANBU and we all should be able to teach dch where necessary.
I told off a kid on the beach once for throwing stones at a baby seagull. Rather, I told him to stop because he could hurt it. His family were out of earshot, thankfully, but could see what he was doing and doubtless would have had a go at me and not him. It's sad that people take this as an insult rather than helping integrate the dch into society.