To think that this FLY business is just another way of trying to convince women that service is what they are meant for?

[madamez]

We've had house-work-is-what-FAther-Xmas-made-women-for.
We've had housework is the standard on which a woman's morals are judged.
Now we have housework as therapy: FInally Loving Yourself. What's loving about knocking yourself out with drudgery? Surely it's more self-loving to say, bollocks to doing more than the minimum, mess is no big deal and my time is far too precious to wipe skirting boards twice a day?

I regularly leave DH with my DDs on his own and he does a great job. I do have several friends though whose partners have never bathed the children or put them to bed - partly because they are lazy oafs but also partly because the mother doesnt trust the father to 'do it properly'. It's very sad I think.

Flylady as enabled our household to have a regular routine for chores which means they get done quicker and so we have more free time. I like that

I leave ds with dh.
He gets on just fine.
Thats the problem.
He can't understand why I can't entertain ds, cook, iron, clean, makes cakes with ds, e-bay all ds's old stuff, collect prescription from chemist, and 5 other chores such as optician, recorded delivery letters etc, and provide a home made shepherds pie, in my suspenders, for his return home.
Because when I leave him , he manages it.
Less the suspenders.

Dh blames Mumnet. He said I would have an extra 8 hours per day, to do all these things, if I didn't mumsnet.

@ Oblomov. Your DH has it right

Well I regularly leave DS in the care of his dad overnight - in fact, this weekend I am going to Sheffield for 2 nights and ds Dad will be looking after him the whole time. t present it's still a case of DS Dad coming over to our house and staying the weekend, though I suppose in a year or two DS will go to stay at his dad's aplace as well.

FGS

Oblomov it sounds like the solution would be for you to work full time and your dh to be the SAHD! I don't think it's a problem to say that someone else is better at it, and some dads are just fab (in the same way as some mums). I am certainly no good at the whole staying at home thing. I get bored and distracted. I am more likely to paint the skirting boards than dust them and can completely forget to do basic things like feed the children! Hence I go to work, which I am quite good at (at least they are all having kittens because I am leaving, so I assume so) instead. dh spent a couple of years doing the part time thing and then quit his job for a while. He maintains he was far better at it than I ever would be (I'm not totally sold ont that one though, as he never managed to get them to the dentist for example). I am going to be a SAHM for a few months because we are moving to America and my visa will take a while to come through, and I can't say I am looking forward to it (dh says it will be dreadful...)

lol Oblomov - I meant about the 8 hours on MN comment. Although it is lovely to have a DH who does lots.

nooka, that is a very interesting point. I think dh would be brill at it. And I just want ds cared for, not bothered whether it is dh or me. But I am only part qualified and thus I don't think I can earn near what dh does.
We have talked about this recently though, becasue dh was very unhappy and quit his job.
Will you work full time in the US, as soon as your visa comes through ?

FGS, yes, the thing is, when he says that I struggle to come up with any argument.
If all our dh's said "life would be alot easier if you didn't mumsnet as much", ......
anyone got any good replies to this one ?

Like now. I have been mumsneting all day.
ds and I are in our pjs. The place looks like a bomb has hit it. Washing up from last night in sink. No food in. No dinner prepared,. I have to go and collect prescription for dh.
I am in the f**king doggy doo doo.
And dh is home in 2.5 hours.
Why do I do this to myself ?

Oblomov - you need Flylady

I do it too OBmolov. Although not to the extent of being in pjs at this time of day but it does piss me off that i spend alot of time on here. DP has made a few comments too - time to start rationing my mnet time i think.

At the risk of sounding like a total swot, I follow my (flylady inspired) morning routine and then have MN time only when that is done.

If you were in a traditional Christian fundamentalist marriage like the ones the Flylady thing is based on an essential of that is to obey your husband so he would order you not to go on mumsnet and that would be that.

I must admit i read an email from Flylady today that made me gag - someone was apologising for doubting the system!!

BWM, but why are you getting emails from Fly? Have you subscribed?

Thank the Good Lord I am not a Christian Fundamentalist, then, eh?

I'm on the mailing list and have been for some time. i don't pay anything to get the emails and neither would I. I delete most of them but some are interesting.

Blimey bookworm I cant abide the emails but do the fly thing via this site and the wonderful flyers we have on mn.

As someone in a traditional fundamentalist Christian marriage, I shall bid you goodbye

I'm certainly hoping to get a full time job, and we will probably think about getting an aupair (and definitely a cleaner!). But that wo't be for a few months, and probably not at the level I have here (I'm a senior manager in the NHS, and just don't think i could convert to becoming a saleman for an insurance company!)

I've come home to find dh and kids in PJs - can't say it made me very happy but that's probably because I have a very "fresh air" orientated mindset (ie no day should be spent entirely inside) inherited from my mother. Still the only interesting time the children have had today was about an hour and a half making a swamp in the garden. So I'm off to take them swimming (very improving) and then will come home and make some stupid model for ds's project work (what it it with primary schools and projects - fo they think parent's don't have enough to do!)

This might entertain some of you about women with cleaners and nannies so no housewife role to play and their husbands having to apologise to others for having a non working wife which is not quite the thing these days.

[http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/the_way_we_live/article3345831.e ce]]

i dont do the emails either they annoy me. i do like the missions though!

LOL Xenia at that article.

I have a former classmate whose ambition is to be a Merc Mother - though fortunately or unfortunately her husband's career isn't quite successful enough to fund her desired lifestyle, a source of constant marital tension. And she hangs out with more of same and just occasionally I have had coffee or lunch with her group of friends (all of whom live in horrible Neuilly or the 16th arrondissement - ). One of her group used to organise women's shopping lunches - they would all meet up in new quartier of Paris and one devoted soul would write a list of all the local must-see shops and they would all go shopping after lunch. Shopping tourism.

Anyway, they do exist and very horrible they are too.