If you gifted money to your grandchildren...

[HarperElla]

...say £50-£150 per birthday/Christmas and the odd other occasion like Easter or random gifts, would you mind if their mother put the money towards a holiday for them and their parent? I've been doing this, I have a 4 year old, he has too many toys, I have a really good savings pot for him already etc etc. I want to take him on holiday to Egypt before he goes to school, and put any money which is given to him by family members towards this. I've made sure that it doesn't extend past the fare for his flight. I've been told by a family member that I'm out of order doing this and that I should either put it in his savings or buy him gifts with it. I've made it clear to him that the family members who gave us the money helped us pay for it and that we should be grateful to them that they helped us go on holiday (explained in terms he can ubderstand). He has 4k in savings, 1k a year put in my me. WIBU to do this?

@HarperElla Maybe read some of the other posts saying the same as me? I'm far from alone is criticising your behaviour. Funny that you are just picking on me and if you think I am a troll, so be it. You just don't like what I've said.

@HarperElla It's good that your mum is happy for you to spend the money as you see fit - but blimey. My oldest child has Asperger's (I know it's not called that now, but it was when he was diagnosed), and had various obsessions on a par with your son's obsession with Egypt (and the same degree of knowledge about them at a similar age).

All I can say is it's a very nice thought to base your entire holiday and to throw huge amounts of money at something that will doubtless make him very happy while it happens - but it could also be a massive error. If you had more than one child, you wouldn't be doing this, and I'm not sure that it's a good idea to put a small child's current interest before absolutely everything else. It also potentially sets him up to think that when he develops an obsession with outer space, you'll just take him to the Moon. Sometimes children who tend to be obsessive are best indulged up to a point, but not beyond that. I'd say the British Museum would do the job until he naturally fixates on something else.

If people give me money I normally put it towards a season pass at the zoo or farm, or when we went to Disneyland Paris she had some to choose a toy. No one who's gifted money has ever had an issue with this, would rather it enhancing her life than buying more plastic tat.

Granted I don't book whole holidays but I've certainly said it can be here spending money or book an activity on holiday.

Do all you're relatives feel the same way? Can you not just save the money of the one that moaned about it?

Anyone who doesn't believe that this is normal for a 4 yo with an obsession has never met a 4 yo with an obsession.

@HarperElla We all know experiences shape us, whether we remember them or not. In the here and now, your son will have the time of his life. Imagine being inside the pyramids!

You sound like a great mum, so does your own mum. You appear to have worked hard to enable your son to have a nest egg when he’s older, as well as using gifts wisely to take him on the most amazing holiday, and all on your own too. Hats off to you, your son is a lucky little boy!

Of course it's possible for a 4 year old to know all that stuff!
Don't they pick up everything they hear, they most definitely are able to recite and sing whole nursery rhymes and their favourite TV programmes by 3!
My dd is 3and a half and she can sit and sing the different number blocks songs after just one time of watching it at nursery. their minds are like sponges at that age.
If a teacher doesn't know that I wonder if their claim to that profession is actually true.

What a brilliant trip for your son! I'm delighted to hear that your mother who gave him the money is equally keen. He'll have the time of his life. You're a great mum.

Surely this is up to the individual grandparent to decide. Personally I'd rather my grandchild had a holiday than more stuff. But I can see that some grandparents would want it to go into a college / house purchase fund. Do go with the wishes that the grandparent states though.

And they claim to be a teacher. God help us.

Money is money. You save £1k a year for him. Save less for now and put that aside for the trip. Put the birthday money in instead.
People get funny about this stuff do don't engage.

Experience over things every time.

And they called my son a genius stating that they worked for an institution specific to gifted children (I was a gifted child and know that there is a significant difference between gifted and genius which is widely discussed in the world of giftedness!)

You can mock all you like but I am.

I am not disbelieving an obsession. Far from it, so please make sure of your facts before criticising.

The part I query is his being able to speak lots of words in Arabic. He is unlikely to have read those words, so he has been taught them by the OP . She won't say if she speaks Arabic or is bilingual.

Everything else, I do understand.

I've actually already told you how he learnt these words.

@HarperElla Could you explain how your child knows all those words in Arabic?

I asked if it was your native language or if you were bilingual but you didn't respond.

I assume he doesn't read them himself?

Where ? Which post?

I give up 😅

WOW. Just WOW.

You are basically stealing money that has been given to your child to go on holiday? But think that by saying 'He likes Egypt' that's a good smokescreen? He's FOUR!

Pay for your own holiday. Disgusting. Put the money in his own account or trust for him to decide what to do with in future.

Her friend who does speak Arabic taught him a few words. Flippin eck

OP stayed that an Arabic-speaking friend taught him the words.

And they called my son a genius

Here we go...

She has already answered this. Her friend, who speaks arabic, has taught him about 20 words.

OP usually I would say no to using money for a holiday but I do think these circumstances are different. You couldn't afford to take him otherwise, its his passion not yours, the gift given is happy with it and you're not using any of the money for yourself. You can always save this money up again later if you felt like it and whether or not he remembers the experience he will still be enriched by it. I don't recall every holiday but being taken on cultural experiences and learning from them helped develop my analytical skills I'm sure. Enjoy

I wouldn't take a 4 year old to Egypt, even if they were interested in it as your son is. I'd wait until he's at least 8 or 9 and could properly experience and remember it.

I certainly wouldn't expect him to give his birthday money towards it.

Would you take it out of his hand if his grandparents had given him cash?

If not, then YABU.

The worst thing is that you think £18k in savings is 'enough' and therefore anything surplus can be spent on holidays. A child can never have too much tucked away. Life is only going to get more and more expensive.

@HarperElla Just lay off it , eh?

You are picking on me when many other posters have said exactly the same thing but you've not gone back to them and tried to contradict them. why not?

Ok, I missed the bit about your friend teaching him the Arabic words.

But I agree 100% with this post which says exactly what I think other than questioning his memory skills.

I made the same points and you came at me, all guns blazing. Maybe turn your annoyance to others now? You're getting tedious.

ArmatureDramatics · Today 17:13
@HarperElla It's good that your mum is happy for you to spend the money as you see fit - but blimey. My oldest child has Asperger's (I know it's not called that now, but it was when he was diagnosed), and had various obsessions on a par with your son's obsession with Egypt (and the same degree of knowledge about them at a similar age).

All I can say is it's a very nice thought to base your entire holiday and to throw huge amounts of money at something that will doubtless make him very happy while it happens - but it could also be a massive error. If you had more than one child, you wouldn't be doing this, and I'm not sure that it's a good idea to put a small child's current interest before absolutely everything else. It also potentially sets him up to think that when he develops an obsession with outer space, you'll just take him to the Moon. Sometimes children who tend to be obsessive are best indulged up to a point, but not beyond that. I'd say the British Museum would do the job until he naturally fixates on something else.

I agree 18k isnt enough (though more than many) but OP may be better saving additional sums, if she can afford it, in her own name. We cant control what our kids do with money in their own names and they could just spend it all when they get access. OP has time to replenish if she sees fit down the line.