If you gifted money to your grandchildren...

[HarperElla]

...say £50-£150 per birthday/Christmas and the odd other occasion like Easter or random gifts, would you mind if their mother put the money towards a holiday for them and their parent? I've been doing this, I have a 4 year old, he has too many toys, I have a really good savings pot for him already etc etc. I want to take him on holiday to Egypt before he goes to school, and put any money which is given to him by family members towards this. I've made sure that it doesn't extend past the fare for his flight. I've been told by a family member that I'm out of order doing this and that I should either put it in his savings or buy him gifts with it. I've made it clear to him that the family members who gave us the money helped us pay for it and that we should be grateful to them that they helped us go on holiday (explained in terms he can ubderstand). He has 4k in savings, 1k a year put in my me. WIBU to do this?

I think you are wrong.

A 4 year old is 'Egypt obsessed'? God help us.

How much of Egypt do you think a child of 4 will enjoy or even remember in the future?

And you are out of touch with costs.

£18K in 14 years time won't buy much towards a house or even education fees. You're forgetting about inflation.

@Justgorgeous relatives don't always give money to go into savings accounts, they also give it so you can buy toys, other gifts, days out etc. Especially when they are younger relatives quite like to see what the money has been spent on

That depends on what people said when they gave him the gift, as I said upthread I'd be happy for my GC to have an exciting holiday that my gift had helped pay for.

Exactly.

@OliveOilly £18k is probably more than many 18yos will get

Of course he will enjoy it. I'm not sure what this obsession is with things only being good for children if they remember it. If he only remembers it for a few years then so be it. It doesn't take away from the fact that it will be an enriching experience at the time.

He knows the names of the pyramids, the river Nile, the names of 20+ gods, the Egypt museum in Cairo, the temples, the currency, he knows lots of Arabic words, the valley of the kings and which tombs are there, etc etc.

Yes, of course he does.

So he's a genius at 4, as well.

And other people say the opposite.

You're not unreasonable to do it but you're unreasonable to tell anyone.

As a grandparent I always say to their parents I am happy for it to be spent on experiences - Lego land and Peppa Pig world have been two occasions they used birthday money. I also send a small gift with their card

I would never expect money I give as a present to be spent in a certain way (unless I had specifically said this is for xyz) As for the people using the word 'donate' do you understand the word 'gift'?

OP - if it means you can give him an experience you wouldn't have otherwise then thats exactly what gifts are for. Some people on here are so so strange. An experience is an education, it's memory making, it's fun it's something amazing. When he gets to university he'll benefit much more from the memory of a beauitful holiday to an educational place with family than 1000 would do in a bank account. That will be gone in a few weeks in uni. The memories are forever.

He may not remember it but that really doesn't matter. It will be mind blowing for him.

So you say in one post he will remember it, then he won't.

Sorry but it's you who wants this holiday.

Aww have a wonderful time. Its so lovely you can do this for him when he wants it most. We took ds to a museum of army tanks when he was 5, he was so excited he cried when we got inside and he saw his best tank. He's now a teenager and has no particular interest in tanks but still ranks that as one of the best days of his life. And seeing his face was one of the best days of mine, once he'd stopped crying.

Well it'll be as much as I can give at the moment without putting every penny I have spare into his savings. I'm incredibly proud of the fact that I will hopefully be able to give my son 18k when he's older.

Are you a single parent? No mention of anyone else having input into this decision.

As the parent of a 4 year old, you have discretion as to how to spend (or not) birthday money. People on MN are weird about taking kids on foreign holidays and seem to find it hard to comprehend a child wanting to travel/explore. Go and enjoy Egypt - what a wonderfully enriching experience for a child. The shopping in Cairo is great too ;)

I find it sad that you can't comprehend a mother taking her son away to the place he desperately wants to go the most in life. You're not even talking about the money now, but my intentions which you couldn't possibly know about.

He’s 4.

Lots of kids want to go all over the world but it doesn’t mean they can because finances just don’t allow.

My DD has always wanted to go to Disney world but she can’t because we can’t afford it and hopefully we’ll be able to go in a few years time.

Its obvious that this holiday is more for your benefit than yours.

Why not tell your family members that you want a holiday and it’s up to them if they contribute or not.

We only do a £5 gift in my family and so for my birthday I said I’d be happy with money because I want to save up for a passport or stationary, bubble bath, socks etc so they could choose.

Yes, I'm a lone parent. Is that OK?

I think it's awful making the child pay for his own holiday. That is your responsibility to pay for. He can spend some of his money on things he wants while out there, but paying for his own actually flights is terrible.

YABU. Whatever next?

Gonna make the wean pay for his owns shoes and and contribution to the weekly shopping bill?

How about his school uniform when he starts school?

No I wouldn’t be happy with that. The money should either buy him something or go to savings for first car/uni etc.

Yes this. You pay for the holidays. You put less money into the savings account. Put the grandparents gifts into the savings account. OR seeing it is all money and money doesn't have any identifiable features..... just say you have put it into the savings account and rock on

This is actually pretty normal for a 4yo who is obsessed with something.

I think you can't comprehend what life is like with older children whose obsessions change from month to month and year to year.

How are you going to cope when he wants something you cannot afford?

You are setting the scene for him that he only has to want something enough and Mum will provide it, somehow.

Anyway, if your mother is happy for her money to be spent this way that's all that counts.

But I don't believe your child at 4 knows all you say he does about Egypt including speaking Arabic (unless it's your native language) and I am a teacher- so he must be a genius.