If you gifted money to your grandchildren...

[HarperElla]

...say £50-£150 per birthday/Christmas and the odd other occasion like Easter or random gifts, would you mind if their mother put the money towards a holiday for them and their parent? I've been doing this, I have a 4 year old, he has too many toys, I have a really good savings pot for him already etc etc. I want to take him on holiday to Egypt before he goes to school, and put any money which is given to him by family members towards this. I've made sure that it doesn't extend past the fare for his flight. I've been told by a family member that I'm out of order doing this and that I should either put it in his savings or buy him gifts with it. I've made it clear to him that the family members who gave us the money helped us pay for it and that we should be grateful to them that they helped us go on holiday (explained in terms he can ubderstand). He has 4k in savings, 1k a year put in my me. WIBU to do this?

My friend is coming with us. He's well travelled, has been to Egypt a number of times. In terms of our ethnicities I am black and he is mixed Somalian and Indian. If that makes a difference (someone mentioned skin colour)

I’ve been with my children to Egypt multiple times as a single mum , it can be safe and I never had issues

Did you stay in Cairo or are you talking about one of the holiday resorts by the red sea? They are very different experiences!

If your mum is on board then there's no problem! It sounds like he will be very excited - what a wonderful thing for you both to experience. I hope you both have an amazing time.

Ok so you are traveling with a man and you have a darker skin.Yes that does make a massive difference. My darker skinned relatives have had very different ( better) experiences there than I have.
Having a man with you is also a complete game changer.

I had to ask as it sounded like you were going alone as a single mum.

I think it sounds lovely. Interesting under a different username on here once I was told I was stealing from my child by denying them shopping trips to buy toys with birthday money. According to several posters it was outrageous not to allow my 5 year old to buy more toys and instead lock it away in savings! You can't win.

If your mum is giving you the money and is happy with how you are spending it then there's no issue from that perspective. I've been to Cairo though and would not take a little child. The pyramids are literally across the road from a Burger King, its not the magical experience you imagine. There's also the heat and multiple beggars who are aggressive and many who are in very poor physical condition which is upsetting to see. Not telling you this to try and rain on your parade. Just go into it with your eyes open that it might not be the experience you or he hope for.

Brother and I were Egypt obsessed as kids... Tut exhibition came to British museum when I was 6...we were in heaven... My brother went on to do egyptology at university and as a post grad translated some of the hieroglyphics ib the British museum archives😁...

So youre hoping to do Luxor & Cairo?

I'm clearly in the minority. But I'd be happy for my money gift to go towards a dream holiday for the child. He clearly loves Egypt and it would be a dream come true. Using money for memories would be fine for me.

I wouldn't mind at all if the mother of the child I gave the money to, used it for the purpose of a holiday. I'd trust the mother to do best by the child. And besides, if I gift money, I wouldn't want to stipulate or control what happens to it after I've gifted it.

A memorable holiday at whatever age is worth a great deal. There's the anticipation and excitement of looking forward to it, the holiday itself and the pleasure of looking back over the photos and remembering the adventures. Literally years of happy memories!

I'm in the minority because I wouldn't mind, I think some would see it as you charging your child for their own holiday or spending the child's gift in the whole family, I'd see it as providing an experience that you may but have been able to afford otherwise and if he's Egypt obsessed it sounds like he will love it

I just wouldn't tell family or family that that's what you're doing with his cash gift, if anything I'd maybe say it can go towards his holiday spending money rather than towards the cost of his flight.

If I was a close relative like a grandparent, going forward I’d be giving gift cards for toy shops or, even better, taking him to a shop to pick something himself or saving myself for him - to give to him when he’s an adult. Probably a bit of both for each occasion.

YANBU, take him, who knows what the world will be like when he's 18.

Oh give over. No child that age needs a holiday to Egypt! Spend money on taking him to an Egyptian exhibition. And then days out to theme parks, farms, funfairs. Buy him some Egyptian themed toys, mummies, plush sphinxes etc. If when he's a few years older then reconsider.

Would 25 year old him, desperately trying to save a house deposit, think this was a good idea? Nope. Spend some of it on fun and save the rest. Egypt is a unnecessary waste.

yYou are seriously planning on taking a four year old to Egypt because he’s interested in a block of stone? Take him to Stonehenge! Or to any of the great museums here that have wonderful Egyptian galleries.
My point stands - you should not use this money to pay for this holiday!!

@Roz22 if your grandchild said he was desperate to see the Pyramids and would like to spend his birthday money towards it would you still get him a gift card for something he did not want?

Do posters who disagree with the OP doing this also disagree when parents ask their DC to put birthday money towards an expensive school skiing trip for example?

@FarmGirl78 DS enjoyed holidays throughout his childhood. I hope he won't be complaining when he is 25 that we should have gone round in rags and eaten bread and water instead so we could have put that money in an account for a deposit for a house. Not all the relatives are stipulating that the money should be put in savings, they have mentioned gifts too. So would he be angry with his mum if she had bought a box of lego instead of putting money in his house deposit account

I'll go against the general consensus and say I wouldn't mind if you spent the money on his fare for a holiday. I avoid buying toys unless asked because I worry about parents having to store them. I tend to buy experience gifts for children like a family day to the zoo. If a parent asked for money and used it towards a holiday I'd see it as the same thing. My sister and sister in law always send me photos or videos after the experience to say thanks from their DC. A postcard to say thanks to the people who contributed would be nice. It would show your DS knows the holiday was a gift and stop the few givers who might think you've spent the money without him being aware it was a gift.

I don’t regret 1p of the hundreds of thousands I’ve spent on travelling. My DC often talk about seeing the Spinx and the prayer music playing in the background, it was a magical moment for our family. My middle DC went on to study History and did a Masters in history. This isn’t the flag obsessed DC I mentioned earlier but another DC.
I think travel is very decisive , many see it as a waste of money and others as one of the best things you can do with money.

Using it as HIS spending money i wouldn't mind, but posing for his flight is too far! Why should he pay for a holiday he probably won't remember or get any benefit from at his age. He may be Egypt obsessed, but he's also 4!

This ^. Money we give our DGCs is for their saving towards Uni, house deposit etc. for them to spend.
Personally, I wouldn’t take a 4 year old to Egypt, too hot and too unhygienic.

If OP spends on all those day trips and tat, she’s probably not far off the £400 flight to Egypt, which would be far more enriching, and wouldn’t add to the 25 year olds house fund.

As a side note having lived in several Middle East countries, my black or Asian UK friends had more of an issue with men. It can be assumed that you are Muslim and that you are not being conservative enough. Being black it is often assumed that you are a housemaid from Africa. It can happen both ways. Get yourself a fake wedding ring.

YABU.

DS enjoyed holidays throughout his childhood. I hope he won't be complaining when he is 25 that we should have gone round in rags and eaten bread and water instead so we could have put that money in an account for a deposit for a house.

According to lots of people on here, that’s exactly what you should have done!!

bonkers

@Beebumble2

eh?! How do you think Egyptian children manage?