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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you gifted money to your grandchildren...

439 replies

HarperElla · 24/04/2023 14:46

...say £50-£150 per birthday/Christmas and the odd other occasion like Easter or random gifts, would you mind if their mother put the money towards a holiday for them and their parent? I've been doing this, I have a 4 year old, he has too many toys, I have a really good savings pot for him already etc etc. I want to take him on holiday to Egypt before he goes to school, and put any money which is given to him by family members towards this. I've made sure that it doesn't extend past the fare for his flight. I've been told by a family member that I'm out of order doing this and that I should either put it in his savings or buy him gifts with it. I've made it clear to him that the family members who gave us the money helped us pay for it and that we should be grateful to them that they helped us go on holiday (explained in terms he can ubderstand). He has 4k in savings, 1k a year put in my me. WIBU to do this?

OP posts:
SittingOnTheChair · 24/04/2023 17:53

This wouldn't bother me at all.
Any birthday / Christmas money I give to my DGC I trust my DS and DIL would spend it on whatever they saw fit.

If I specifically said it was for savings, then I'd expect it to be saved.

user1471538283 · 24/04/2023 17:53

If you need it to take him on holiday I would be fine with you using it.

I used to give my Godson money for experiences and just a little something to open. I never quizzed his mother what she spent it on.

I saved so much for my DS and as he got older he spent the money he was given.

VeronicaTimeTurner · 24/04/2023 17:54

I wouldn't take a 4 year old to Egypt, even if they were interested in it as your son is. I'd wait until he's at least 8 or 9 and could properly experience and remember it

Trouble is he might not be in to Egypt by that time.

I'd say go for it OP especially after hearing from the teacher, seems he needs all the stimulation and enrichment he can get before he goes to school if all the teachers are like that 🤣
(I'm joking, before I get lynched by the real teachers on here).

Mrsknowitall · 24/04/2023 17:58

I think it’s a lovely idea, you taking him somewhere that he holds so dear it will benefit him too and it sounds like he will love it! Reading some of the other replies you’ve got anyone would think you wanted to use his money for Botox! Go for it and have a fabulous time x

beachbum85 · 24/04/2023 18:00

@HarperElla I haven't read the thread, only your posts, but I wanted to jump on and say: my grandfather used to gift us some money once a year, which my parents saved for us (I mean they didn't buy gifts or anything like that). I guess it would be the equivalent of £300 a year nowadays. When I went away on family holidays (a few of the times with family members but not my parents), my parents would use some of that gift money to help cover the costs. Eventually I inherited some money from my grandfather (much, much less than £75k) that, with the remainder of the gift money and other savings of my own when I started working, allowed me to put down a deposit on an apartment. My first holiday subsidised by my gift money was when I was 6 and I remember it fondly, as I do the other holidays. My parents deciding to use some of that money on trips never bothered me at all, it didn't get in the way of other things I might have wanted/needed to do later, and I developed a strong love for travelling. I would support your decision and I hope your son enjoys Egypt as much as it seems he will!

Orchidflower1 · 24/04/2023 18:00

Hi@HarperElla

aside from the money, where are you staying in Egypt? I only ask as most of the tourist resorts are a fair way from the pyramids. It would be a long drive/ flight from day Sharm or Hughada for a young child. Just something to keep in mind. Don’t let him think he’ll see the pyramids unless you’re planning on going on an outing.

DisquietintheRanks · 24/04/2023 18:01

Given that he's so keen on the history, I'd have no problems with that at all.

mellicauli · 24/04/2023 18:02

I was coming on here to say that's ridiculous and that's just for you. But I read your post and I say go for it! You're lucky he's obsessed with Egypt.

Mine was obsessed with car exhaust pipes. Many hours spent staring at the backside of cars. We bought him tickets to go and see the Formula 1 with his Dad. Now he's at uni studying engineering and spends his time building the university racing car.

Maybe in 14 years time, you'll have a budding archaeologist in the family.

radishandbrie · 24/04/2023 18:02

I don't think its out of order. I mean its only the comms. I mean its the same as saying you put 150 less in aavi gs cause you bought airfare so that money topped up his savings. People are being a bit ott.

wrinkleintime · 24/04/2023 18:03

Newmumatlast · 24/04/2023 17:45

This isn't a random holiday though is it? And tbh if my kids spent the money I have saved on holidays which were culturally enriching and a genuine benefit to their development I wouldn't mind provided they had a strategy for funding the other things I.e. uni/housing. OPs child is 4 so there is more time too than if 18 and spending everything then.

Show quote history

I was just pointing out the hypocrisy in the previous poster's argument that 'you can't control what kids do with money and they could just spend it all when they get access'. If you save it for them, at least they have the choice.

In this situation, mum has just decided on his behalf to spend it on something frivolous when he's not really old enough to have a say.

Kids shouldn't have to pay for their own holidays anyway. At 4, take him to Wales on an affordable holiday and he'll have just as much fun.

testtrout · 24/04/2023 18:06

Are you traveling as a single woman with a young child?
Egypt especially Cairo is hard work and not always pleasant, especially for western women.
If you are darker skinned / haired you may be ok but if you are pale/ blonde/ginger maybe stick with coach tours and groups when taking him to these places. Dress very modesty.

Have Egyptian relatives and we view our children too young to safety take them ( they are older than 4). Think carefully how you approach this Holiday as it could end up being a bit of let down in the holiday department.

Isthatyourname · 24/04/2023 18:06

🙄 people being boring and miserable on mumsnet what a surprise!! I don’t think yabu especially as your mum doesn’t have any issue! I’d probably not use it ‘for’ the holiday but more for a little excursion on something there and souvenir to be specific FOR him but either way it’s a great experience for him and good use of money. Enjoy 😊

toomuchlaundry · 24/04/2023 18:06

@wrinkleintime putting it in a savings account is also something the 4yo has no say in, they might want a toy but by putting it in the savings account the parent might not be able to afford it

Favouritefruits · 24/04/2023 18:07

To be honest if it was a child friendly trip like Disney or Legoland somewhere where a child would want to go I’d say it’s fine as that’s for the child but what child under 4 wants to go to Egypt p, that’s purely for the adult.

I wouldn’t mind the parents spending it on days out or mini breaks but only if it was what child wanted, your trip sounds like what you want not your DC.

toomuchlaundry · 24/04/2023 18:08

@Favouritefruits in this case the child is more excited by the thought of Egypt than the mum!

Nothingisblackandwhite · 24/04/2023 18:12

My parents gift the kids ( 3 mine and step kids ) between £100 and £150 on birthdays and Christmas and if I have stop or they don’t want on need anything I often do that . I do tell my parents . They don’t mind

wrinkleintime · 24/04/2023 18:12

toomuchlaundry · 24/04/2023 18:06

@wrinkleintime putting it in a savings account is also something the 4yo has no say in, they might want a toy but by putting it in the savings account the parent might not be able to afford it

Nonsense. In a savings account, it's still his money to do as he pleases with when he's older. And if he wants a toy then she could give him the money to choose a toy. Why not?

I'm not saying it should go into a savings account - the point is that mum is deciding on his behalf here. Not to mention that it's just rubbish for a child to have to spend his birthday money on a holiday. That's the sort of thing parents should pay for.

If mum can't afford to take him then she should save up for a couple of years and then take him. Why the rush? He's only 4.

However 'obsessed' he is with Egypt he doesn't know what it's actually like (it will definitely not be how he's imagining). It's a long flight and not the safest place to go anyway.

LisaD1 · 24/04/2023 18:13

I wouldn’t care. I’ve gifted the money to the child to enjoy and if that’s on a holiday or spending money or plastic crap it makes no odds to me. It’s none of my business once it leaves my account. Personally if I wanted to dictate what happened I’d either buy a gift or have a savings acct they couldn’t access.

Peachy2005 · 24/04/2023 18:15

@testtrout Glad it’s not just me hearing “single woman travelling alone with small child” alarm bells. I don’t think Egypt is a particularly safe destination generally but specifically in those circumstances. However the OP has studiously ignored any similar posts so presumably knows better.

TwoFluffyDogsOnMyBed · 24/04/2023 18:16

I think it’s a bit bonkers really because you’re saving a lot of money for him. If you reduced that amount to help pay for the holiday and put the money from grandparents into the savings, it seems that no one would have a problem with that. To me, as a pedantic old autistic person the lack of logic is astounding!

Why not just do this though? If it keeps people happy that’s all that matters really. However, I wouldn’t take such a young child to Egypt. I think if you are going to use some of his money to fund his part of the holiday you should be going somewhere that he will love. I just remember a friend taking her kids to Egypt….her 3 year old blonde-haired DD was actually propositioned by several men and she and her DS caught giardia.

wrinkleintime · 24/04/2023 18:17

Peachy2005 · 24/04/2023 18:15

@testtrout Glad it’s not just me hearing “single woman travelling alone with small child” alarm bells. I don’t think Egypt is a particularly safe destination generally but specifically in those circumstances. However the OP has studiously ignored any similar posts so presumably knows better.

Definitely not the safest place to be travelling as a tourist.

Just can't relate to any of this tbh. A 4 year old does not need a holiday to Egypt and if he thinks he does he's being heavily influenced by some adults. It's not going to be anything like he's expecting.

wrinkleintime · 24/04/2023 18:19

I think it’s a bit bonkers really because you’re saving a lot of money for him. If you reduced that amount to help pay for the holiday and put the money from grandparents into the savings, it seems that no one would have a problem with that. To me, as a pedantic old autistic person the lack of logic is astounding!

@TwoFluffyDogsOnMyBed

Well I also don't think a holiday should be prioritised over saving for your child's future.

Holidays are surplus. I would do the £1k a year (if that's what I'd decided I needed to put away for him) and if there was then enough left, it could go towards a holiday. I wouldn't be dipping into savings for an extravagent holiday. Those savings would stay untouched.

Summerpetal · 24/04/2023 18:20

That’s not your money to spend
it’s your child’s money
put it in an account and leave it there till they are 18

zeg3885 · 24/04/2023 18:21

Put the money from family in his savings and deduct what you would’ve contributed to his savings yourself for the holiday. Saving is great but remember to live and make memories too.

Nothingisblackandwhite · 24/04/2023 18:22

Op I took my son to 3 different place sim Egypt when he was 3 to 7 years old as a single mum . Please ignore all the negative pe op saying he needs it for uni etc . You take your son traveling as much as you can as it’s the best thing you can do for him and you . It’s experienced he never forgets . After you see the pyramids consider a beach holiday in the Red Sea as it really is amazing and still has lots to see . Have fun