To insist DS cuts his hair?

[Skodascream]

DS is 6.5. He‘s always had short hair until now. It’s gone past the outgrown look and is just a mop of hair on his head. It is starting to fall into his eyes.

He is such a handsome boy, but I HATE his hair right now. And seeing it in his eyes is driving me crazy.

He says he wants to grow it.

Should I insist he gets it cut?

Or should I let him express himself?

I’m tempted to bribe him with the trainers he wants- only if he gets his hair cut!!

No I'm less controlling as I am controlling over fewer things.

By the sounds of it u don’t want him to have long hair, so just be honest with him.

Hair length is one of the only areas where it's safe to let children exercise bodily autonomy, so I always let them decide. We did have years of combing nits out of long hair, yes, but we felt it was important to let them have some agency over their own bodies - and as pointed out, this can't reasonably happen over things like going to the dentist or not dressing warmly enough for the weather etc.

I wonder whether some of the more strident voices in the "he's a CHILD!" camp are the same ones who will still be smugly proclaiming "I'm their parent, not their friend" when their offspring are in their late teens, and then all wide-eyed surprise when their adult children don't feel close to them. Yes, we do have to exercise responsibility over children for their own benefit, but that isn't and shouldn't be an absolute principle - we don't own them, they will one day outgrow us, and parenting should be a constant process of reevaluating and adjusting the level of control to match the child's developing capacity. IMO.

You have no basis for that analysis. You have no idea how many things I'm controlling about. Could be way less than you.

My kids have tonnes of agency over their own bodies. But at six they have the hair I say. Luckily we have taught them that their appearance is by far the least interesting thing about them, and they are six, so they couldn't care less about their hair.
I'd be really quite worried about a child that young being so into their own image. Not something to encourage.

i use spray, gel or wax to style the front so it goes to the side more than over both eyes.

His hair his choice! Those saying about nits do you cut off your daughter's hair too? We've had a buzz cut all the way to shoulder length that he wore in a man bun (copying footballers, plus he didn't like me cutting it in lockdown!). The in between stage is messy until you can tie it up, and we got lots of judgement from family, but you should really let him have control over his body

How can it be a 6 year olds choice? They aren't mentally capable of making choices for their own well-being at that age. If it's in his eyes then it needs cutting. I don't understand why so many parents are scared to assert some form of authority when it comes to a final decision.

@Greensleeves I totally agree with this almost word for word, and I think it's the reason I have a fantastic relationship with my parents, they always let me make my own choices and be myself where possible, even at age 4 when I wanted to cut off my lovely long wavy hair. I instantly regretted it, lesson learnt!

The one area I don't always agree with is forcing dressing appropriately for cold weather, I take a very relaxed approach to that. I encourage them to wear a coat/hat but I don't fight it. My 6 year old really doesn't want to wear a coat to school so I just put it in his bag, often he only wears shirt sleeves. I figure if he's cold enough he will put it on, I think he naturally runs warm, he is so active.
If it was really cold I'd be more forceful but I never understand the parents chasing their active children round the playground demanding they put a jumper on when they are clearly fine.

But a minute ago you just told me we were controlling about the same number of things, but you don't know me either 🤣. I find it strange that parents would care what hairstyle their 6 year old has to be honest, but each to their own.
I wouldn't encourage or discourage them from caring about their appearance, I just take them as they are!

That'snot at all what I said, look again.

@Peppadog I would care because I would want my child to look smart and presentable and be able to see where they are going.

Oh, I completely agree about shoving the coat in the bag and letting them find out it's cold 😂 I really meant the genuinely perverse choices (swimsuit, tutu skirt, police helmet and jelly shoes in snowy February) but even then, there are compromises that allow for a degree of autonomy.

Letting children make some of their own choices - and helping them work through the consequences - isn't just indulgence, it's vital to healthy development. In that sense, the "do as you're told in every circumstance" brigade are the lazy parents.

At youngest child's school, both boys and girls must tie hair back one it goes past shoulder length. As long as he understands he will eventually need to tie it back for PE/school, then let him grow it.

My son has longish hair, he wears a stretchy headband to school to push the curls out of his face or it goes in a bobble. My daughter isn't allowed hers flying all over her face so the rules apply with my son. He did complain at first but then when told it's this or hair cut so that it's not everywhere, he's been fine since. He's also on the money with making sure it's washed, brushed etc.

We're on the stretchy sports brand headbands at the moment but Etsy do various patterned bands (characters, animals, dinosaurs etc). The spiky stretchy headbands are pretty good at staying in all day too.

@BSB30 I think it depends on the hair to be honest, difficult to tell without an example. If it was a long fringe that was literally sitting in the eyes I'd need to say something or tell them to tie it back as it's not workable, same as if I was growing my own fringe out.
If it was just floppy hair that gets in the way a bit but you can flick to the side or tuck behind the ears then I wouldn't get worked up about it.

Personally, I think so. A shaved head is very practical.

Not at high school where it is likely to get you taught in isolation.

I'm lost. It's a perfectly normal hairstyle for both sexes.

Are you saying that a teacher will automatically assume a kid with a shaved head is a neo nazi and so will segregate them from the rest of the class? 😂

Not at all high schools but yes @Blurpy my good friend gave her son a grade 3 haircut and because you could see his scalp he was taught in isolation for 2 weeks

This has made for a more interesting conversation than I anticipated!

There is an update, the sort that if I read this I would think it’s a load of shit. But this really happened this afternoon…

… DS asked to go to the hairdressers 😂 I asked if he wants his hair cut short like he used to get it done, or just tidied up and a little bit shorter. He chose tidied up!

The school doesn’t have any sort of rules about hair being tied back (not UK). There are a few boys with shoulder length hair and they don’t tie it back or wear any sort of headband.

Does he get to decide what he wears to school as well? His bedtime?

I would have it cut. At 6 long hair isn’t an ‘expression of self’ it’s just not wanting to go to the hairdressers.

My DD has the most beautiful long thick hair (she’s 3) but I’m going to get it cut into a bob, it’s in her eyes constantly and I’m forever having to clip or tie it back (before it all falls out again within an hour or two), plus the washing/drying. It’s a ball ache and as the parent I call these shots

I agree that’s an appropriate level of autonomy for a 6 year old.

So my son at one point started growing his hair and it was in his face and it was in his face deliberately. He wanted it to be able to hide behind. He’s 19 now and he still looks like a mad mop and it’s the worst style possible for him, but he won’t entertain the idea of cutting it because he hides his face with it when he’s unsure especially in lectures. I’m waiting for him to grow some confidence. Or to go bald

I wouldn't bribe him with anything.....you could make a rod for your own back if you do that!
He's only 6, I think that's too young to allow him to start taking as much control.
Like another member has suggested.....I would take him to the barber's and let him explain to them how he would like his hair. So that it can be managed properly whilst he's at the in-between stage.
This way you are letting him express himself by being able to choose a style with the barber but at the same time his hair will be managed so as to avoid nits/him getting it in his eyes and you will feel better too after his hair has been tidied up.