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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have read her emails?

235 replies

lumpkins · 23/04/2023 19:57

I work with a lady who has been at the same workplace for 30 years. She knows everyone, gossips about everyone… you know the type!
I started 2 years ago and we work very closely together. She is incredibly kind to me, offering advice, cups of tea, giving me the ‘heads up’ on who is a good egg, who is not etc.
For various reasons I’ve started to suspect that my colleague is not as nice to me behind my back as she is to my face. One example of this would be her offering to do something to help me and then going to management to complain about me for asking her to help me when it isn’t her job (I am her senior)
This has happened a number of times now. She left her emails logged in so I took the chance to have a nose… not the best move I know, but I was feeling like I was going mad! So I uncovered email after email of her complaining to various people about me, all over the workplace. Most of the things she had complained about were made up.. she is making out I am a complete bitch to her but it’s completely false as we get on fine!
I wanted to take my findings (screenshots of 12 emails) to management to complain as my name has been repeatedly tarnished in her complaints, but I was wrong to look at her emails so should I just forget it and move on??

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 23/04/2023 22:53

I'd say she's the one break8ng rules. I have never worked anywhere where its OK to abandon your desk whilst logged into her account.

Mirabai · 23/04/2023 22:53

AncoraAmarena · 23/04/2023 22:11

As previous people have said, you should make a Subject Access Request. You should ensure your colleagues emails are trawled and be specific about this in your request. If you google, there are various templates for you to adapt.

Your employer might ask why you're singling this person out, so think of a reason. E.g. you could say you'd glanced at her screen as you were passing and saw your name.

Yes, you shouldn't have looked but you did and now you know. Don't let on though.

Don’t mention anything about seeing emails but say you have reason to believe she may be gossiping about you.

Mirabai · 23/04/2023 22:55

I don’t think there’s any real reason for the moment to do a SAR unless the situation escalates.

I would just steer clear of her and be very careful how you interact with her.

ohnonowwhat · 23/04/2023 22:56

Might she be after your job? Might she have gone for your job and not been given it, and so is trying to prove that she would've been a better choice than you? Might be why management haven't come after you, they maybe realise she's just a jealous troublemaker...

Canarias · 23/04/2023 22:57

If you tell a manager she has been gossiping about you, first question is when did it happen, then what was said specifically, then who witnessed it and then I’d determine if it was bullying or not. Bullying would need evidence, to meet a threshold and be more than incidence.

It’s poor advice to escalate with any of the above as you are then on managements radar for getting involved in he said/she said.

Guineasrule · 23/04/2023 22:57

Learn the lesson to never trust a gossip. They have to get their information from somewhere and that is from sucking up to the newish person.

Disengage and focus on your job. Keep things polite, smile and wave. I suspect most people actually know what she it like underneath it all.

And if anyone asks you have not read her emails...that will not go in your favour.

PippaF2 · 23/04/2023 22:58

It's a point OP, how have other people in the office been treating you?

Are they cold? Do you feel like they're talking about you? Honestly, the people she's saying things too could be just rolling their eyes.

It's likely she's got form and has done similar to people before.

Another tactic is to say someone (who this woman has previously bad mouthed to you) - I was really nervous about meeting/working with you after what X said about you, but you're actually really nice'.

Make it sound like a stupid slip of the tongue type moment.

AncoraAmarena · 23/04/2023 23:04

Mirabai · 23/04/2023 22:55

I don’t think there’s any real reason for the moment to do a SAR unless the situation escalates.

I would just steer clear of her and be very careful how you interact with her.

The reason for doing a SAR is so that the OP can address the poison that has been dripped into her manager's ear about her. Who know what the manager thinks - are they thinking there's no smoke without fire, for example?

Having it out in the open means that the OP can challenge what has been said and can submit a grievance with the emails to support her.

AliceOlive · 23/04/2023 23:08

lumpkins · 23/04/2023 21:29

Another example of the manipulation… she complained that she had money stolen from her purse. She explained to management that she “couldn’t fit the life of her think who could have snuck in and stole it, because only Doris and I were in the office”
Which is a direct accusation imo but when I raised that with management they said she hadn’t mentioned my name to them at all and why do I think it’s an accusation??
Im at the end of my tether. For the record, the ‘stolen money’ was never investigated. I’m 99% there never was any money!

It sounds like they don’t take her seriously and just want to keep the peace.

Has anyone spoken to you about her complaints? Are you getting any negative feedback about your work?

Youdoyoubabe · 23/04/2023 23:15

But if they are work emails and you are her boss..... how is that an invasion of privacy?

Luckymummytoone · 23/04/2023 23:16

Sorry haven’t read all of the replies but could she have left them open to see on purpose?

Canarias · 23/04/2023 23:17

Youdoyoubabe · 23/04/2023 23:15

But if they are work emails and you are her boss..... how is that an invasion of privacy?

Because employers need reasonable cause to look and/or you know if advance you work on a regulated area where this is routine.

Thinking Billy Bob is a shit stirrer so I’m gonna snoop their emails without the above is easily considered an invasion of privacy.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/04/2023 23:25

I think that is gross misconduct. Or a sackable offence.

Depends where you work! So if you want to 'report' her emails then be prepared for the consequences.

I don't think I'd like to work with either of you.

Parke · 23/04/2023 23:25

I would forward these (along with loads of other random messages so as not to look too suss) to everyone in the office, including yourself. She’ll think she’s done it by mistake or there is a system glitch.

Zone2NorthLondon · 23/04/2023 23:37

Eggseggseverywhere · 23/04/2023 20:01

I would print them off with her identity revealed and pin them up in the office one night.

Deny all knowledge..

Utterly batshit advice
do you actually have a job?

HyacinthBookay · 23/04/2023 23:37

Eggseggseverywhere · 23/04/2023 20:01

I would print them off with her identity revealed and pin them up in the office one night.

Deny all knowledge..

They have cctv Everywhere these days. OP would get done for slander, ruining office walls AND reading someone else’s emails.

HyacinthBookay · 23/04/2023 23:41

OhwhyOY · 23/04/2023 21:27

This 👆

Show quote history

This is good but don’t lie about the emails because if this ever escalates they can trace all the emails you have ever received or sent on your computer. Don’t do or say anything that you can’t prove to be truthful at a later date. I know this sounds a bit odd but people like your colleague may be capable of anything.

Kittykatchunjy · 23/04/2023 23:41

I'm

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/04/2023 23:43

Parke · 23/04/2023 23:25

I would forward these (along with loads of other random messages so as not to look too suss) to everyone in the office, including yourself. She’ll think she’s done it by mistake or there is a system glitch.

Of course, she won't think that. She'll know she wasn't in the office at the time the emails were sent.

llangennith · 23/04/2023 23:47

Approach HR saying you're concerned as you've heard she is complaining about you to others which has shocked you as she has always been so friendly and helpful to you and vice versa. Say you don't want to make an official complaint but you'd like it noted in case it escalates.

MysteryBelle · 23/04/2023 23:52

qwertykeyboards · 23/04/2023 22:03

Curiosity killed the cat! Never acceptable to go through someone’s emails.

But satisfaction brought her back. Have you not heard the rest of that adage? 😄

It is terribly unjust for this woman to get away with lying about the op at work and accusing her of stealing when it’s not true. Looking at the emails weigh much less in context than the colleague’s malicious lies and sabotage of the op. I mean, come on. Let us have fair scales in the weighing of all this.

fryanddry · 23/04/2023 23:55

keep quiet about it because you could get in trouble but now you are aware of how two faced this person is , you can protect yourself,
i would keep logs of every single interaction you have with her regarding work

Ariela · 24/04/2023 00:07

Forewarned is forearmed.
Just document everything. Keep a log of everything.
If she offers to help you out - decline or accept by email etc

Wheresthebeach · 24/04/2023 00:13

Delete the screen shots now.
Since you’ve not had it brought to your attention I suspect it’s being quietly ignored but you have to be careful now. Professional in all things - if she offers to take on extra work refuse and confirm by email. You know she’s a gossip from your OP so it’s not a massive surprise that she gossips about you too.

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