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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have read her emails?

235 replies

lumpkins · 23/04/2023 19:57

I work with a lady who has been at the same workplace for 30 years. She knows everyone, gossips about everyone… you know the type!
I started 2 years ago and we work very closely together. She is incredibly kind to me, offering advice, cups of tea, giving me the ‘heads up’ on who is a good egg, who is not etc.
For various reasons I’ve started to suspect that my colleague is not as nice to me behind my back as she is to my face. One example of this would be her offering to do something to help me and then going to management to complain about me for asking her to help me when it isn’t her job (I am her senior)
This has happened a number of times now. She left her emails logged in so I took the chance to have a nose… not the best move I know, but I was feeling like I was going mad! So I uncovered email after email of her complaining to various people about me, all over the workplace. Most of the things she had complained about were made up.. she is making out I am a complete bitch to her but it’s completely false as we get on fine!
I wanted to take my findings (screenshots of 12 emails) to management to complain as my name has been repeatedly tarnished in her complaints, but I was wrong to look at her emails so should I just forget it and move on??

OP posts:
EekGoesTheBaby · 24/04/2023 19:20

Just to reiterate other PP, keep the info to yourself but use it to your advantage.

I like to think that I wouldn't have snooped in the situation you've described, but I probably would have, TBH.

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 24/04/2023 21:10

HyacinthBookay · 24/04/2023 12:36

I didn’t want to be the first to say this so thank you. The idea of a manager looking at the emails of someone less senior without permission is diabolical. Those saying it’s ok how would you feel? For me the looking at the emails is a red flag indicating OPs unprofessional behaviour and makes me wonder if colleague has a legitimate reason for complaining about her.

Yup. This in buckets

Itcouldhappenabishop · 24/04/2023 21:55

@HyacinthBookay why is it so diabolical? If you are using your work emails for work then what would be so mortifying about a manager reading them?
As has been mentioned several times on this thread, it is standard practice in many companies for emails to be monitored. It's made perfectly clear to employees.
FWIW I am not in a managerial position so I don't read others email so I'm not defending myself here. However I know my manager regularly checks my emails and I have no problem with that. I keep personal/private stuff for my personal email.

TheRussiansAreComing · 24/04/2023 22:17

You are now armed with the info. Don’t share with anyone that you read her messages. Read more if you get the opportunity.
Plant your own seeds with those that you get on with. Be a better manipulator than her. Be a better liar than her. Play her at her own games. Learn to enjoy any misfortune that comes of her and don’t feel guilty for enjoying it.
small wins like taking things off of her desk. Either put them on someone else’s or
just dispose of them completely.
subscribe her email address to as much junk mail and spam as poss.

I hope you win.

billy1966 · 24/04/2023 22:42

OP,

I think you need to find out what the position is in the company regarding emails and privacy.

I have only ever heard of emails etc. being company property.

Hence warnings about inappropriate jokes being grounds for dismissal.

I know my friends who work for large multinationals and big pharma, are very careful about work versus private email accounts.

In your place I would say that you have been given an anonymous tip off that you should do a SAR as there is a long-term employee making complaints about you.
Refuse to name her.

Admit nothing but that.

Either way you need to be very careful as she is poison.

Guineasrule · 24/04/2023 22:45

Itcouldhappenabishop · 24/04/2023 21:55

@HyacinthBookay why is it so diabolical? If you are using your work emails for work then what would be so mortifying about a manager reading them?
As has been mentioned several times on this thread, it is standard practice in many companies for emails to be monitored. It's made perfectly clear to employees.
FWIW I am not in a managerial position so I don't read others email so I'm not defending myself here. However I know my manager regularly checks my emails and I have no problem with that. I keep personal/private stuff for my personal email.

I agree with you. If my boss (or anyone really) wanted to look at my emails tomorrow it would not worry me. To me it is a tool my employer has provided me to communicate with so I can do my job. All my correspondence is work related.

If you don't want your boss to read it what you have written don't use company time to send personal, non work related, or bitchin emails that might come back to bite.

AliceOlive · 25/04/2023 01:16

OP isn’t her boss?

Fraaahnces · 25/04/2023 03:44

OP is her manager.

bluegreygreen · 25/04/2023 11:20

Is she? OP has said she is senior, but has not confirmed she manages this person.

Florissante · 25/04/2023 13:12

Fraaahnces · 25/04/2023 03:44

OP is her manager.

That's not the case.

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