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Original poster

To have read her emails?

235 replies

lumpkins · 23/04/2023 19:57

I work with a lady who has been at the same workplace for 30 years. She knows everyone, gossips about everyone… you know the type!
I started 2 years ago and we work very closely together. She is incredibly kind to me, offering advice, cups of tea, giving me the ‘heads up’ on who is a good egg, who is not etc.
For various reasons I’ve started to suspect that my colleague is not as nice to me behind my back as she is to my face. One example of this would be her offering to do something to help me and then going to management to complain about me for asking her to help me when it isn’t her job (I am her senior)
This has happened a number of times now. She left her emails logged in so I took the chance to have a nose… not the best move I know, but I was feeling like I was going mad! So I uncovered email after email of her complaining to various people about me, all over the workplace. Most of the things she had complained about were made up.. she is making out I am a complete bitch to her but it’s completely false as we get on fine!
I wanted to take my findings (screenshots of 12 emails) to management to complain as my name has been repeatedly tarnished in her complaints, but I was wrong to look at her emails so should I just forget it and move on??

OP posts:
CarrieMoonbeams · 23/04/2023 20:24

Ouch! I wonder if there's a round about way you could tackle this OP?

if your manager is generally decent, could you approach it along the lines of wanting a private conversation with them (the manager) and saying that you've been given a word of warning from someone - who doesn't want to be named - that this person is slagging you off to lots of people? And that you're really worried because it will affect your professional reputation, and also that you're really concerned because you don't understand why this person would target you in this way?

drpet49 · 23/04/2023 20:25

Eggseggseverywhere · 23/04/2023 20:01

I would print them off with her identity revealed and pin them up in the office one night.

Deny all knowledge..

Love this idea.

mommybearof2 · 23/04/2023 20:28

I was once on the receiving end of this and the person who looked didn't get in any trouble. To be honest she was very ballsy in the way she went about things, I would never have dared do it. Me and a close work friend ( A) had basically been annoyed with how this other colleague (B) was constantly telling us our work wasn't good enough whilst she sat around doing nothing. Me and A were young and stupid (not that it's an excuse) and we're not being very kind about B in a private Facebook messenger chat.

A had been using the work computer to check her Facebook and accidentally left it logged on when finishing her shift. B clicked on the messenger messages and saw everything we had said. She printed out all the pages of messages and left it in an envelope with our names on on our desks. We were absolutely mortified. The managers basically said we were all a bit in the wrong and we should all learn to work with each other more effectively.

We were in a pretty chilled company though so I'm guessing that's why no one got in any major trouble!

OurChristmasMiracle · 23/04/2023 20:31

if she has been going to management complaining about helping when she has asked to- I would literally tell her no in future. “No it’s fine” “no it’s part of my role so I need to complete this” etc.

if she then does it you email her and cc management in “hi x, further to our conversation this morning in regards to y piece of work, I thought I had made it clear that this was my role and I did not need your assistance. If I do need assistance I will discuss this with management”

reading her emails is a massive invasion of privacy and would lead to your being fired

Sissynova · 23/04/2023 20:32

Eggseggseverywhere · 23/04/2023 20:01

I would print them off with her identity revealed and pin them up in the office one night.

Deny all knowledge..

It takes two seconds for someone to look at the print log of the printer and see who printed it. Only an absolute moron would do this.

ilovesooty · 23/04/2023 20:34

babyblueblanketlover · 23/04/2023 20:00

You've broken all sorts of data protection rules so if you complain you'll likely find that you are in trouble too.

Absolutely. If you want to be disciplined, go ahead.

Justalittlebitduckling · 23/04/2023 20:37

You need to cover yourself by putting everything you agree with this woman into email and cc others. She’s clearly out to get you, so you need to stop taking her at her word and have a record of everything you can.

cocobongo1 · 23/04/2023 20:37

There are more ways to skin a Cat. Sit on the info and wait.

HipposHaveNipples · 23/04/2023 20:38

I am the world's nosiest person, but I have learnt that no good comes from looking at things you have no business looking at. Reading other people's texts/emails or eavesdropping is a surefire way to get your feelings hurt. Think about all the times in your life where you have said or written something about someone where you would be mortified for them to read it. By all means distance yourself from her and keep things strictly professional, but you need to let this go.

Mortimermay · 23/04/2023 20:40

As others have said, you can't admit that you read her emails.
I'm inclined to think though that if she has been raising this many complaints about you, but you weren't aware of them, that maybe management and others in the office are well aware of what she is like. Otherwise surely they would have raised some of these issues with you already?
I would keep her at a safe distance from now on and definitely decline any help or joint working where possible. Even if you did find a way of raising this, it's unlikely she will change. Now that you know what she has been saying I would just keep a note of the examples she discussed and why they were wrong, in case you are ever asked about it. But unfortunately I don't think there's anything you can do about this apart from raise any future issues or things that have occurred outside of those emails in future.

Casilero · 23/04/2023 20:40

Sissynova · 23/04/2023 20:32

It takes two seconds for someone to look at the print log of the printer and see who printed it. Only an absolute moron would do this.

Show quote history

It would show as the colleague though as it would be done from her pc?

Not that I'd do it myself.

MariaRemindsMeOfAWestSideStory · 23/04/2023 20:41

You’re more likely to be disciplined than here. What you did was completely unprofessional and an invasion of privacy.

Don’t do anything with the emails.

ittakes2 · 23/04/2023 20:43

If she did this on a work email is not the data owned by the company? I would try and get one of the recipients to confess they have received something - someone who maybe she has complained to you about them?

LeefPeeper · 23/04/2023 20:43

You could submit a SAR for all emails containing your name, and then raise it when you are given them. Don’t admit to reading them first

BungalowLil · 23/04/2023 20:45

You say in your first paragraph that she gossips about everyone. You and everyone else know this. You can't be in the slightest bit surprised that she's gossiping about you. I'm sure you've not formed opinions on other people based on what she's told you about them and I'm sure they take what she's said about you with an equal pinch of salt.

Forget you looked at the emails. Take the copies home and destroy them. Never mention it. From here on in set clear boundaries for yourself around her and carry on regardless.

Cerealkillerontheloose · 23/04/2023 20:46

oh my god

You would be fired for gross misconduct if you worked in my company....

Original poster
lumpkins · 23/04/2023 20:48

Funny you should say this, I did exactly that. Our manager thought I was being ridiculous and even said “why would she do that?” As if I was making it up. That’s why I snooped, I needed to know it wasn’t just me getting myself wound up. I know it was stupid and of course I haven’t told anyone, but it has made me feel that I was right about what she was doing. I have no idea how to tackle this going forward without it looking like two women having a bitch about each other

OP posts:
Uselesslyuseless · 23/04/2023 20:48

Casilero · 23/04/2023 20:40

It would show as the colleague though as it would be done from her pc?

Not that I'd do it myself.

Show quote history

But the colleague wasn’t at work, which would be her defence. Then it would be a case of checking CCTV/who was in that day

LeefPeeper · 23/04/2023 20:50

Casilero · 23/04/2023 20:40

It would show as the colleague though as it would be done from her pc?

Not that I'd do it myself.

Show quote history

At my work you have to use a code to print anything, so they would definitely know who had printed them

N0tfinished · 23/04/2023 20:50

ittakes2 · 23/04/2023 20:43

If she did this on a work email is not the data owned by the company? I would try and get one of the recipients to confess they have received something - someone who maybe she has complained to you about them?

I thought this was the case. We were always told not to expect privacy on work emails/laptops. I've been out of an office environment for a long while though. Do you have to cover each other for holidays? The team I was on used to have to action email accounts when the team member was OOO. Anyway, you know something now that you didn't before. Distance yourself and make sure you are careful with her.

Original poster
lumpkins · 23/04/2023 20:50

There’s gossiping about people and there’s deliberately setting people up. Quite different I think. I didn’t say I engaged with her gossip, I just know that she does it

OP posts:
Burgoo · 23/04/2023 20:53

VERY careful with this. You can easily get disciplined for breaching data protection/privacy. You know you shouldn't be accessing someone else's IT, it is why we all get unique passwords. Just beware that this could blow up in your face massively (e.g. she may claim that you have been logging in as her and you will have no way to prove otherwise).

Okthenhun · 23/04/2023 20:53

I came here to say what someone above has a said - if you do a SAR with your name you can obtain the emails that way. Someone more knowledgeable might be able to explain more.

Burgoo · 23/04/2023 20:54

Also make sure you are squeaky clean. If she has been there years she will have some pull; you need to know that she isn't "in" with any senior people. And that she has no evidence of you doing things. I keep a "under the bus" archive for just this reason.

GodSaveTheClean · 23/04/2023 20:54

“He who seeks equity must come with clean hands”

Very dodgy ground for you OP. I’d keep very quiet about reading someone’s email.

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