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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have read her emails?

235 replies

lumpkins · 23/04/2023 19:57

I work with a lady who has been at the same workplace for 30 years. She knows everyone, gossips about everyone… you know the type!
I started 2 years ago and we work very closely together. She is incredibly kind to me, offering advice, cups of tea, giving me the ‘heads up’ on who is a good egg, who is not etc.
For various reasons I’ve started to suspect that my colleague is not as nice to me behind my back as she is to my face. One example of this would be her offering to do something to help me and then going to management to complain about me for asking her to help me when it isn’t her job (I am her senior)
This has happened a number of times now. She left her emails logged in so I took the chance to have a nose… not the best move I know, but I was feeling like I was going mad! So I uncovered email after email of her complaining to various people about me, all over the workplace. Most of the things she had complained about were made up.. she is making out I am a complete bitch to her but it’s completely false as we get on fine!
I wanted to take my findings (screenshots of 12 emails) to management to complain as my name has been repeatedly tarnished in her complaints, but I was wrong to look at her emails so should I just forget it and move on??

OP posts:
Lykia · 23/04/2023 22:06

At my place of work I assume management have access to our emails. That's why all my emails are factual. If I want to chit chat with colleagues we use our own personal email addresses or WhatsApp never work emails as you can never be sure who might be reading them.

As an aside I'm 99.9% sure they don't read them but I'm sure they can if they wanted to. Surely there must be a way?

Lykia · 23/04/2023 22:07

Itcouldhappenabishop · 23/04/2023 21:41

Hang on. Are you her manager? Where I work (banking) it is well known and perfectly legitimate for management to have access to employees emails. They regularly check sample emails to check for any regulatory violations etc. we all know that anything we write on a work email or chat could and quite possibly will be read by management, compliance etc.
Work emails are that - work. Not personal. It's company property and the company is entitled to know what their systems are being used for. I assume my line manager has a regular snoop through my inbox. Anything scurrilous is for personal channels only!
I'd investigate the legal situation here. You may technically have perfectly good reasons to read her emails.

⬆️⬆️

This

Original poster
lumpkins · 23/04/2023 22:08

mainsfed · 23/04/2023 21:55

The more you post, the more I feel for your colleague.

And presumptuous doesn’t mean what you think it does.

Show quote history

Nope I think you’ll find I know exactly what it means. You haven’t got anything but bitterness to spread so on your way

OP posts:
Ilovetea42 · 23/04/2023 22:11

babyblueblanketlover · 23/04/2023 20:00

You've broken all sorts of data protection rules so if you complain you'll likely find that you are in trouble too.

I don't think you can say any of this without getting yourself in trouble due to all the gdpr and confidentiality procedures you've breached. You know who this woman is now, so just hold your head high and give her a wider berth.

AncoraAmarena · 23/04/2023 22:11

As previous people have said, you should make a Subject Access Request. You should ensure your colleagues emails are trawled and be specific about this in your request. If you google, there are various templates for you to adapt.

Your employer might ask why you're singling this person out, so think of a reason. E.g. you could say you'd glanced at her screen as you were passing and saw your name.

Yes, you shouldn't have looked but you did and now you know. Don't let on though.

Schnooze · 23/04/2023 22:12

Knowledge is power. Bide your time and use that power wisely. You know what she’s like, so will everyone else. A well timed comment at an appropriate time like

”I’ve noticed x always runs people down behind their backs. I’m sure she probably does it with me too. Why would I be an exception? Ah well. I feel a bit sorry for her really if she needs to do this.” If they ask for details then you say you don’t want to gossip and it’s best left, but it’s just something you’ve noticed - Then you’ve sown the seeds of doubt. And others may then circulate that observation.

yesterdayisgone · 23/04/2023 22:12

You could print out the messages and send them to yourself anonymously and then confront her . You’ll look like the victim lol

Original poster
lumpkins · 23/04/2023 22:13

AncoraAmarena · 23/04/2023 22:11

As previous people have said, you should make a Subject Access Request. You should ensure your colleagues emails are trawled and be specific about this in your request. If you google, there are various templates for you to adapt.

Your employer might ask why you're singling this person out, so think of a reason. E.g. you could say you'd glanced at her screen as you were passing and saw your name.

Yes, you shouldn't have looked but you did and now you know. Don't let on though.

I’ll speak to my manager when I’m back in work next. Thank you. Great to know that amongst the nasty bitter women on here, some genuinely want to help

OP posts:
Sn1859 · 23/04/2023 22:16

Iwasafool · 23/04/2023 21:37

Was it there own phone? If it was that is a bit different to if the OP found this on a work's computer on the work's e mails. Don't know if it would make a big difference legally but I see it as different.

Show quote history

That was kind of the (vague!) point. My sister didn’t go snooping but was still found in breach of privacy for something she spotted after the persons phone was given to her by said person. It doesn’t seem to matter how it’s spotted, it’s the fact that it was spotted that’s the problem (obviously in OP’s case, she went delving!)

JoDolce · 23/04/2023 22:16

I wonder if she left her pc unlocked on purpose, knowing that you would have an opportunity to read her emails. Another manipulative move by her to try and get you into trouble. Don't fall into her trap.

AncoraAmarena · 23/04/2023 22:20

lumpkins · 23/04/2023 22:13

I’ll speak to my manager when I’m back in work next. Thank you. Great to know that amongst the nasty bitter women on here, some genuinely want to help

Show quote history

You obviously had suspicions about her - justified as it turned out. I would have done the same. Good luck, let us know how you get on.

mainsfed · 23/04/2023 22:21

lumpkins · 23/04/2023 22:08

Nope I think you’ll find I know exactly what it means. You haven’t got anything but bitterness to spread so on your way

Show quote history

So can you explain how people have been presumptuous on this thread?

And your lack of integrity is astounding.

Coyoacan · 23/04/2023 22:28

It sounds like the management do not take her too seriously, OP, so that is good.

shedlow · 23/04/2023 22:29

@lumpkins I'm not sure if you've directly quoted from the emails when giving examples or if you've paraphrased them, but on the off-chance its the former I'm wondering if it could potentially be outing and land you in trouble if your colleague or the email recipients were on here.

lljkk · 23/04/2023 22:30

I admire OP's brass for snooping.

I would not go cold on her, wouldn't that raise suspicions. Kill with kindness or go with the "I need to be more independent now" but otherwise don't raise suspicions.

I'd sit back & just watch the snake in the grass in meantime.

Bayleaf25 · 23/04/2023 22:31

YABU you can’t/shouldn’t read her private emails.

Original poster
lumpkins · 23/04/2023 22:31

Coyoacan · 23/04/2023 22:28

It sounds like the management do not take her too seriously, OP, so that is good.

Yes I think you’re right. I didn’t see a single reply from her complaints emails but to be fair I was only really quickly going through so may have missed some. It’s a shared PC so I had every right to be on there. But as everyone has repeatedly said, it was wrong of me to snoop. However it’s done now and I got the evidence I needed to know in my own mind that I wasn’t losing my marbles.

OP posts:
EveryWitchWaybutLoose · 23/04/2023 22:32

notacooldad · 23/04/2023 20:14

I would keep the information that you snooped to yourself. However, knowledge is power. As long as you can honestly say your day to day behaviour is beyond reproach and she really is the problem you can put a damage limitation plan into place without disclosing you have read the emails.

Very good advice.

And knowing what you now know, make sure you “insure” yourself in future. Things like making sure that you have email trails of requests and now refusing the offers of help you know she complains about and so on.

Original poster
lumpkins · 23/04/2023 22:36

shedlow · 23/04/2023 22:29

@lumpkins I'm not sure if you've directly quoted from the emails when giving examples or if you've paraphrased them, but on the off-chance its the former I'm wondering if it could potentially be outing and land you in trouble if your colleague or the email recipients were on here.

No they’re not direct quotes. I’m pretty sure if she saw this thread she’d know it was her I was referring to. But how could she ever prove it?

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 23/04/2023 22:37

DrMeredithGrey2023 · 23/04/2023 22:00

Could you speak to a senior member of staff, keeping it vague, and say that you've heard a few whispers from people who do not wish to be named that she's calling your work ethic in to question, so going forwards you'd like to keep a paper trail of all correspondance with her, and would like to cc them in?

Also - do people not have printers at home? 😉🙃

This is what I would do. I would say in fact that I had heard from an unnamed source that she has said terrible things about me via work email. Just leave it at that. They will have to look at her emails then. She is indirectly bullying you and trying to make people lose respect for you.

Comeonskinnylove · 23/04/2023 22:37

Fwiw I would have done the same as you OP. Reading all the replies maybe I'm a bad person 😂

Cas112 · 23/04/2023 22:38

Do you realise how bad it is (and damn right entitled) to read someone's emails.

You should get sacked for that

Original poster
lumpkins · 23/04/2023 22:42

Cas112 · 23/04/2023 22:38

Do you realise how bad it is (and damn right entitled) to read someone's emails.

You should get sacked for that

Cheers for enlightening me

OP posts:
Mari9999 · 23/04/2023 22:46

@determinedtomakethiswork
I doubt your HR staff has as much interest in indirect bullying as they would in a complaint that employee emails are being surreptitiously accessed without company authorization.

Canarias · 23/04/2023 22:49

I think you need to reframe this. She’s writing emails to management littered with trigger words like stress and crying etc. Anyone in my team did that and we’d be having a 1:1
pronto and HR would be alerted; she’s already well on their radar and I would say itching to be signed off sick and who knows what beyond that. She’d love a redundancy/compromise agreement with that much service I bet.

They won’t reply in writing initially. There will be copious notes made at her 1:1’s of what work she’s doing, causes of stress, how to remove them etc. Anything to show they’ve made reasonable adjustments. They know exactly what she’s like but perhaps can’t easily be rid of her.

Unless management have actually called you up on something, I’d just ignore her and stay well clear.