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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go mental regarding grandparents lack of sleepover care.

151 replies

Slothcloth2 · 23/04/2023 12:29

My parents ‘offered’ to have my 10&11 year old to sleep over last Friday. They said my sister who is 19 was having 3/4 friends over in the side lounge but the children wouldn’t be disturbed and it wouldn’t be a party as such.

At 1am I get a call from my 10 year old saying he is scared of all of the loud noise but then his battery went so I just got in the car and went straight there.

I walked into a party of about 20 people, house stank of alcohol and cannabis and my parents were asleep in bed whilst both of my DC were in their room scared.

My mum text me at 9am saying ‘please tell me the children are with you’

I am upset and my DH wants to cut them off for good.

Are we being unreasonable?

OP posts:
CurlyhairedAssassin · 23/04/2023 14:06

It's an interesting one for a first post, that's for sure.

DangerNoodles · 23/04/2023 14:06

YANBU to take the children without telling your parents, they deserved the shock for being so negligent. They must have been pissed themselves to sleep through the noise and sleep in until 9 while they had children in thier care. I would never let them have unsupervised contact again, anything could have happened to your DCs.

Blueblell · 23/04/2023 14:08

It sounds a bit extreme to cut them off.

Why didn’t the grandparents hear what your children heard? Or wake up when you arrived?

I think it sounds like it was not a good idea for them to go at the same weekend as the party.

Rosebel · 23/04/2023 14:09

Conkersinautumn · 23/04/2023 13:19

How on earth are people blaming the OP for taking her kids out of that situation. I know damm well if she'd hung around with tired kids whilst she attempted to wake people and have it out with them MN would have said her priority was to start a fight and not her kids.

I'd definitely keep the kids from staying over, indefinitely and I wouldn't be leaving a situation where the parents were assessing risk without my oversight

No one said she had to have it out with her parents last night but she should have woken them to say she was taking the kids home. Nothing else needed to be said but her just taking the kids probably made the grandparents freak out a bit when the children were gone in the morning.
Of course she was right to remove the children but should have let her parents know.

Thesharkradar · 23/04/2023 14:12

I think I would have let the parents sweat and said no they're not with me we thought you had them

Merryoldgoat · 23/04/2023 14:14

I have a 10yo who has regular sleepovers with PIL and he would go straight to their room to wake them if scared.

There are a lot of issues with this incident.

WilsonMilson · 23/04/2023 14:14

Fucking hell! Clearly they already have form for bs if you’re at the stage of cutting them off.

I can’t believe you went to a house that had 20 odd partygoers, got your kids from a room they were sleeping in WITH their grandparents and said grandparents didn’t wake up. Were your folks also pissed/high? That’s mindboggling.

I’d not respond to your mum’s text. I would let her sweat it out wondering where the kids are. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all, this sounds a truly mental set up and can’t imagine it’s a one off episode.

AGovernmentOfLawsAndNotMen · 23/04/2023 14:14

Notice no one’s querying whether OPs sister is at fault here.
She knew her young niece/ nephew were there.
She’s an adult.
She should take the hit for this one.

Original poster
Slothcloth2 · 23/04/2023 14:15

Wow, wasn’t expecting so many rude replies :/

I did go into my parents room but they were naked half in the covers passed out so I walked out.

They told family friend the next day they’d got annihilated on strawberry cocktails hence being so heavily asleep

OP posts:
Original poster
Slothcloth2 · 23/04/2023 14:15

The children were in a separate bedroom to my parents.

OP posts:
AGovernmentOfLawsAndNotMen · 23/04/2023 14:17

Slothcloth2 · 23/04/2023 14:15

Wow, wasn’t expecting so many rude replies :/

I did go into my parents room but they were naked half in the covers passed out so I walked out.

They told family friend the next day they’d got annihilated on strawberry cocktails hence being so heavily asleep

Wow
If you know generally what your parents are like why did you ever think they were responsible enough to look after your children.

Ive changed my vote
Never leave your children with them again.

AncientToaster · 23/04/2023 14:17

I wish I could sleep through a 20 person party.

raincamepouringdown · 23/04/2023 14:17

Greydogs123 · 23/04/2023 12:33

I’m not sure I’d cut them off, unless it’s one thing in a line of poor choices, but I certainly wouldn’t trust them to look after your children unsupervised again.

This

A full on teenager party with drugs and drinking which they were sleeping through instead of following through on their promise to you to look after your children.

I'd have been absolutely livid.

ASimpleLampoon · 23/04/2023 14:18

I'd report to police and social services so if they ever take you to court for a CAO \unsupervised access you have a record or its your word against theirs. Then I would go low or no contact and no more unsupervised visits. They clearly do not give a shit.

Partyandbullshit · 23/04/2023 14:18

This is on you. You know your parents, your sister, your kids. WHY did you let them go over? Did you need childcare? Otherwise vigilant grandparents don’t suddenly allow something like to just happen, out of the blue. There’s something you’re not saying, which is why this is on you.

Merryoldgoat · 23/04/2023 14:18

Slothcloth2 · 23/04/2023 14:15

Wow, wasn’t expecting so many rude replies :/

I did go into my parents room but they were naked half in the covers passed out so I walked out.

They told family friend the next day they’d got annihilated on strawberry cocktails hence being so heavily asleep

It’s not acceptable to be ‘annihilated’ whilst in charge of children.

Is this one of several incidents where your parents have been irresponsible when looking after your children?

Original poster
Slothcloth2 · 23/04/2023 14:18

Obviously I didn’t expect this. I was under the impression it was a small get together, movie and chill.

The next night my sister left her baby there and asked them not to drink with the baby and when she picked up the baby they’d been drinking red wine.

OP posts:
Original poster
Slothcloth2 · 23/04/2023 14:19

Nothing like this has ever happened prior to this.

OP posts:
ASimpleLampoon · 23/04/2023 14:19

AGovernmentOfLawsAndNotMen · 23/04/2023 14:14

Notice no one’s querying whether OPs sister is at fault here.
She knew her young niece/ nephew were there.
She’s an adult.
She should take the hit for this one.

The children were not entrusted to her.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 23/04/2023 14:19

The baby had? Shock

Grin
NutButters · 23/04/2023 14:20

Slothcloth2 · 23/04/2023 14:15

Wow, wasn’t expecting so many rude replies :/

I did go into my parents room but they were naked half in the covers passed out so I walked out.

They told family friend the next day they’d got annihilated on strawberry cocktails hence being so heavily asleep

Drip.

I8toys · 23/04/2023 14:20

Bit of a drip feed going on but I understand your concerns. Drinking alcohol when you are in charge of children is a big no no so wouldn't leave them again but you must know they drink!

mackthepony · 23/04/2023 14:20

Never leave your kids in their care again

Easy solution

Original poster
Slothcloth2 · 23/04/2023 14:21

I’ve not had any alcohol since I fell pregnant with my first so my children have never seen a drunk person before because I don’t agree with it .

OP posts:
Fundays12 · 23/04/2023 14:21

OP I wouldn't cut them off but they would not be having my kids ever again. I would be livid and making it clear it was unacceptable.

There are multiple issues:
The adults in charge were so drunk they were not able to care for the kids by the sounds of it.
The party had lots of people there your kids don't know.
You have no idea if these people were safe to be around your kids.
Your child was so frightened they phoned you in the middle of the night.
Your parents didn't even notice the kids were not there till hours later which is terrifying.

Ignore the rude replies. Your children were scared and put in a potentially in a dangerous position so you are right up be furious.

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