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Original poster

To go mental regarding grandparents lack of sleepover care.

151 replies

Slothcloth2 · 23/04/2023 12:29

My parents ‘offered’ to have my 10&11 year old to sleep over last Friday. They said my sister who is 19 was having 3/4 friends over in the side lounge but the children wouldn’t be disturbed and it wouldn’t be a party as such.

At 1am I get a call from my 10 year old saying he is scared of all of the loud noise but then his battery went so I just got in the car and went straight there.

I walked into a party of about 20 people, house stank of alcohol and cannabis and my parents were asleep in bed whilst both of my DC were in their room scared.

My mum text me at 9am saying ‘please tell me the children are with you’

I am upset and my DH wants to cut them off for good.

Are we being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Dotcheck · 23/04/2023 12:31

Cutting them off may be extreme. I’d be having some sharp words with your sister though- she’s the one who fucked up here.

Why didn’t your kids knock on your parents door?

Greydogs123 · 23/04/2023 12:33

I’m not sure I’d cut them off, unless it’s one thing in a line of poor choices, but I certainly wouldn’t trust them to look after your children unsupervised again.

OrangeRock · 23/04/2023 12:36

I’d agree for many reasons.
The first being the children were missing and they texted not phoned, phone call is needed as it’s urgent, like that second and you could miss a call.
They didn’t check on the kids with that many strangers in the house.
They didn’t notice when the kids were removed from the house. Nor did the daughter.
Drunk strangers and cannabis in the house is not on.
Your children were scared and felt they could ask the adults in the house for help.

Well done on going to get them.

OrangeRock · 23/04/2023 12:37

Also suggesting you cut them off usually means there is a long list of things that you’ve considered wrong and this is the last.

Don’t let anyone underplay this, it is huge for so many reasons

OrangeRock · 23/04/2023 12:38

*could miss a text. They should have phoned and then phoned the house phone and then phoned your DH and then the police if no response to missing children. Not fucking text.

LividHouse · 23/04/2023 12:39

They were out of order, but so were you for taking the kids back without telling them you’d gone!!

fortnumsfinest · 23/04/2023 12:42

Normally with a thread title like this is automatically think the op was being a bit dramatic but in this case I'd be furious with your parents.
The fact they text to see if you had your DC's with you is awful. Where on earth did they think they were?
I'm not sure about cutting them off unless there's a back story but you are 100% correct to be absolutely livid with them

Kickingupmerrybehaviour · 23/04/2023 12:43

I think when they said there were going to be people that was your cue to say no. This is why my children don’t go to sleepovers bevayse you can never know who else will come through the house. I wouldn’t cut them off but they would never care for my children again. Their judgment is crap.

gettingoldisshit · 23/04/2023 12:48

I would have been absolutely livid! However you were wrong for just taking the kids and not saying anything and your dsis was wrong for allowing that to happen knowing the kids were there!

unfortunateevents · 23/04/2023 12:51

It's a lot of drama. How large is your parents' house that they were asleep in bed and didn't hear (or smell!) any of the party activities of 20 people? Why did your 11 year old not go into his grandparents' room if he was scared of the noise? How quiet were you that you managed to remove them from the house without waking your parents? Did they not think you ask your sister before sending your a text in the morning?

I'm not sure I would have sent them if told there was going to be several unknown people in the house but more importantly, I wouldn't be sending your children again as I wouldn't trust your parents to wake in case of a fire or other emergency if they can manage to sleep through that kind of racket. Why did they even want your children for a sleepover?

HairyToity · 23/04/2023 12:52

If a 19 year old sister was having friends over, I'd have predicted alcohol and possibly weed, and just made an excuse to grandparents and cancelled sleepover. They were daft agreeing to do both, and I think you made a poor decision having your DC there.

ExtraOnions · 23/04/2023 12:57

You must have popped your head in your parents room to know they were asleep .. why did you not wake them and tell them what you were doing.

I’m surprised they weren’t woken by the noise themselves, they didn’t notice a 20 person party in their house ? It’s shocking really.

If the didn’t wake, then they didn’t know what was happening, and it would seem harsh to punish them .., you sister sounds like a bit of a dick, but 19 year olds can often act before thinking

PolkaDotMankini · 23/04/2023 12:59

OrangeRock · 23/04/2023 12:36

I’d agree for many reasons.
The first being the children were missing and they texted not phoned, phone call is needed as it’s urgent, like that second and you could miss a call.
They didn’t check on the kids with that many strangers in the house.
They didn’t notice when the kids were removed from the house. Nor did the daughter.
Drunk strangers and cannabis in the house is not on.
Your children were scared and felt they could ask the adults in the house for help.

Well done on going to get them.

I agree with all of this.

BellaJuno · 23/04/2023 13:00

I’d have woken my parents and told them what I was doing, it was frankly odd that you didn’t to be honest.

Whether or not I cut them off would depend if this was a first “offence” or not, I’m waiting for a bit of a drip feed…..

JudgeRudy · 23/04/2023 13:01

The 'party' would bother me less assuming this was in the 'back room' (or whereever) away from the children.
what would concern me is the lack of alertness from your parents and a TEXT to ask if the children were with you. I'd be tempted to say No, what are you talking about mum. I find it incredible you could enter someone's home, bundle your kids up and not be heard....having said that I don't understand why you didn't at least leave a message saying ring me.

Your 9 year old clearly isn't confident yet in strange situations and it's unfair to dictate what your sister can do in her own home (with your parents blessing) so it might be that overnight stays are out for a bit. What was frightening him? Laughing and chatting isn't usually frightening (even if it's irritating).
Speak with your parents and gauge your next step on the reactions and understanding.

StaunchMomma · 23/04/2023 13:02

Cutting them off is a bit extreme BUT I can understand why you'd feel that way today.

I would be having extremely strong words with them and letting them know they will not be having the children again.

Absolutely appalling behaviour with kids of that age in the house. And the TEXT?!! Just all round bloody awful Grandparenting.

Bk1000 · 23/04/2023 13:05

I would be livid but probably more with the sister in this situation. I wouldn’t want my children in that situation and I’m so glad you were able to go and get them. Had your parents been drinking too if they were sleeping so soundly?

WheelsUp · 23/04/2023 13:07

What was frightening him? Laughing and chatting isn't usually frightening (even if it's irritating).

If you're the size of a child I'd imagine that you'd worry about one of the many strange voices you can hear coming through the door and into the room. Party could mean people banging about and being scared to go to the loo because you don't know what's behind the door.

I would have woken my parents up before taking the kids. Is texting rather than calling part of a backstory? My kids would not be staying there again. I assume that cutting them off is part of a bigger picture.

Createausername1970 · 23/04/2023 13:08

It's not great and I would be livid too. Not sure I would cut them off - unless this was the last in a long line of incidents.

I would basically say to them what you said here - your child called because they were scared and you arrived to find drunk teenagers smoking weed, they were sleeping through the noise with no concern for your children and no-one even noticed you come in and taken the children. And, when they did notice they were gone, they texted!!! Not even a phone call.

I would be saying that not only does nana, grandpa and sister owe you an apology for messing up your evening, they owe your children an apology for not keeping them in mind.

It would be a long time before I let them babysit again.

Vexar · 23/04/2023 13:11

That is awful. I wouldn't allow them unsupervised access. I don't know that I would cut them off over it though. They could end up getting court ordered access and then you'd wish you hadn't been so extreme. I can understand why you'd want to though.

CoconutQueen · 23/04/2023 13:12

I would be furious. You did the right thing OP. Hope your kids are ok.

Stripedbag101 · 23/04/2023 13:12

It’s weird your parents slept through this. Do they drink or take sleeping pills? Would they have woken up of there was a fire or similar emergency?

your sister should not have had a party while the kids were sleeping over. Your parents should have noticed the house had turned into a night club.

explain calmly it wasn’t a suitable environment for your children and they won’t be staying again.

FabFitFifties · 23/04/2023 13:14

Were your parents intoxicated too? Just wondering how they managed to sleep through all of this. Supervised contact only for GPs and for 19 year old auntie. She shouldn't have allowed this to happen either. I wouldn't go no contact - unless there is a history. Anyone could of gone into your children's room unnoticed - and they'll have been frightened of that happening too.

HazyDragon · 23/04/2023 13:15

I wouldn't have let my preteens go for a sleepover anywhere with unknown adults in the house.

Why on earth did you take the children in the middle of the night, without telling anyone?

I don't know if I would cut contact, but it would definitely be the last sleepover. I'm guessing the text was because they knew the children were with you really, surely you atleast spoke to your sister before you left??

LightDrizzle · 23/04/2023 13:18

I wouldn’t cut them off but they wouldn’t have any more sleepovers or long periods of sole care.

How the hell did they sleep through it all?