AIBU? Putting my foot down with my in-laws about them visiting immediately after our first born is due.
I honestly feel like I have the in-laws from hell and they are the main source of arguements between my husband and I. For a bit of background, they live in Sri Lanka and have been against my husband and I from the very start. They had plans for an arranged marriage, something my husband says he would never have agreed to and never wanted.
From the very start, they have tried to break us up. Frequent arguements with my husband about our relationship, trying to get us to change the wedding date as it ‘didn’t work for them’, threats from his dad with physical violence at our wedding. Insults frequently made towards myself and my family.
The first words from her mother to myself after we told them we were pregnant were “I’m glad as I thought you would have problems getting pregnant as you’re so old”. Im 33. No congratulations.
Unfortunately my husband, every single time, defends his parents actions and refuses to disagree with them. He has never defended me when they are making these comments, however afterwards will say that they are out of line, but will never say that to them. He justifies their comments by saying “they aren’t thinking” and seems unwilling to accept how they have treated me is unacceptable.
In contrast, we are both really close to my parents and lived with them for a few months whilst we were waiting for our house to complete. They are currently decorating our nursery for us as we are both working long hours including weekends before the baby comes to save up money. They also live about 10 minutes away so we will rely on them during those first couple of weeks.
We are expecting our first child in August. As they live abroad, my husband and I agreed they wouldn’t visit for at least 4-6 weeks as we need to find our feet and get into some type of routine. The last thing I want immediately after giving birth is his parents who are openly rude towards me in my house. DH had agreed to this and said this was a sensible plan.
He spoke to his parents this weekend and it turns out they have booked flights to the UK without even mentioning or discussing dates withus, arriving 2 days after my due date. When DH said the timing wasn’t great, they disregarded his comment and said they would pop by for a bit, essentially, that they are planning to come whether we want them or not.
I put my foot down and said under no circumstances are they visiting us with a newborn, potentially a couple of days old. Especially when all they have done for the past few years is be disrespectful and rude towards me. DH however fails to understand that they are completely out of line booking flights without even speaking to us and actually started trying to convince me that it was ok for them to visit.
This cumulated in an argument where I essentially said he chooses to out the baby and me before his parents or our relationship is over. So, AIBU?