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AIBU?

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Original poster

WWYD child unattended (6)

303 replies

SL472947 · 23/04/2023 09:42

I don't know what to do.

My DD6 has informed me that her dad (who she sees every other weekend) has let her go into a home bargains by herself while he waits outside with his dog.

He says that he has done it twice as it's teaching her self confidence and she can listen.

Personally I wouldn't allow her to do that alone as she is only 6. I can't explain to him that it isn't a safe thing to do as he wouldn't take anything I say onboard.

WWYD?

OP posts:
LtMoose · 23/04/2023 12:32

6 is too young and B&M is too big in my opinion. If it was a smaller shop like a corner shop then ok, or it she was older, maybe 9.

FabFitFifties · 23/04/2023 12:33

Things can happen in shops - for eg the 10 year old who was raped in a Morrison's toilet. Child who was killed by a falling mirror. I imagine it's very very rare though - hence why these were news worthy and I haven't forgotten. I'd personally have to be able to see a six year old in this scenario - I could imagine getting stressed if I couldn't see them, they were longer than expected, and I was stuck outside with the dog.

sawseesaw · 23/04/2023 12:35

Well you have to start getting children to develop independence somehow. It's best to do it gradually, and this seems quite sensible.

BitOutOfPractice · 23/04/2023 12:37

I think 6 is too young for a shop like this. The local newsagent or sweet shop while I waited outside yes. But not a big shop where you can't see them from the outside, no, not at 6. Our local one is huge, two floors so it's a no from me and I am definitely not a molly coddler.

MargaretThursday · 23/04/2023 12:37

It's really good for their independence. If there's only one entrance then she's not going to get out the wrong way.
I bet she loves being so grown up doesn't she?

VickyEadieofThigh · 23/04/2023 12:37

Lockheart · 23/04/2023 12:28

What if there's a sexual abuser, what if there's a dangerous dog, what if she walks into a pyramid of canned goods and is trapped underneath and has to cut her own arm off to escape, what if what if what if.

Life is full of risks and what ifs. The important thing is to keep perspective, realise we can't remove them, that most of them are REALLY small, and that we can't keep children in a bubble until they're 18, just in case they cause a pile up in ailse ten with three trolleys of biscuits, a pallet loader full of cheap crockery, and a box of swim floats.

Indeed so. Only recently we had a poster winding herself up with anxiety because her Y5 child goes off to high school NEXT year when he will be 11 and how does she prepare him for it, etc.

I think too many parents put off training their children to be independent - which necessarily involves putting things into practice (e.g. it's utterly pointless telling a child not to talk to or go anywhere with strangers if she's never, ever on her own in a shop, etc) in controlled situations and conditions.

I was walking to school from age 5 with my 5-year-old friend from across the road. I was going into shops from a similar age. I know this was in days of yore but hazards and dodgy people existed then, too.

Didydani · 23/04/2023 12:38

Scousefab · 23/04/2023 12:30

The staff are usually pretty good in most of the home and bargains. I do agree with you I wouldn’t send my daughter in a shop by herself aged six. I get what he’s trying to achieve but I think maybe aged 10 would be more appropriate. Ask your daughter if she’s comfortable with it and just make sure she knows to go upto the counter staff if she feels unsafe in the shop.

Hi op and scousefab, I'm with both of you on this I'm afraid! I think 6 is too young to be in a big shop alone. I understand what pp posters are saying about the risks being minimal etc but my dd is only 5. We were in a home & bargains only yesterday, along with my mum and I accompanied her whilst we were in there the whole time. It may just boil down to different parenting styles, but personally I wouldn't feel comfortable letting my daughter go in alone at that age either. Just my two cents.

StoppinBy · 23/04/2023 12:38

I have done the same with me eldest and was just talking to my youngest, who is almost 6, about how he will be able to do this soon too.

It's good for them, I think your ex is right, it does build confidence.

From the age of about 8.5/9, I'd let my daughtet go in and pick the ingredients for tea and she loves to do that, she's just gone 10.

Jonei · 23/04/2023 12:41

My kids did the same. There's no problem with it.

JoanCandy · 23/04/2023 12:42

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that I think 6 is a little young - a small corner shop then OK, but Home Bargains are huge stores and I doubt that she would be in his line of sight if he were outside. Not something that I would be happy about TBH.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 23/04/2023 12:43

I did similar when mine were that sort of age. I waited by the entrance whilst they got sweets/whatever and paid at the till. People were always lovely about it, making sure they didn't get bounced down the queue etc.
My assessment was that thr risk was tiny.

StopStartStop · 23/04/2023 12:44

arethereanyleftatall · 23/04/2023 12:24

@StopStartStop
This isn't 'putting a child at risk' or anything near it. It's a decision which clearly 50/50 of parents would make. Attempting to Stop a child's father from seeing his child because he makes a different parenting decision to you, but one which many others would make, would be terrible parenting.

Nonsense.

Have your opinion. Put your children at risk. Encourage others to do the same. Go for it.

It's like the 'Women should be able to wear what they like' argument. Yes, let women go out half dressed late at night walking in lonely areas. Other women. Not mine. Free choice.

Likewise leave your babies in the care of your pack of 'gentle' Rottweilers.

The rest of us will be more cautious. It's fine.

UncomfortableEx · 23/04/2023 12:47

I wouldn't do this. Maybe a small, quiet shop where I could keep an eye on them at all times but Home Bargains is enormous and really busy where I live (London).
It just takes one person to say something inappropriate or make them feel uncomfortable and it would stay with them forever. 6 is too young to navigate dealing with lots of strangers in a busy shop alone. There's too much margin for an incident to occur.
And to pps who say the risk is tiny, how many times have you been into a shop and had an issue with someone or been approached for a chat by an odd person in there? It happens more than we realise but because we're equipped to deal with it we handle it, forget and move on. There's a whole range of issues which could occur here and upset the child, not just the obvious rarer things like SA or abduction.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 23/04/2023 12:48

I think it’s fine. You need to build up independence small steps at a time and in my opinion this is an appropriate small step for a 6 year old. I think you should look at what steps you plan to do to build independence.

alyceflowers · 23/04/2023 12:50

This is just a personal parenting choice - some would allow it, some wouldn't. Some think fine at 7, some think not at 10.

Her dad is allowed to make personal parenting choices in his own time, just as you are on your time.

Climbles · 23/04/2023 12:51

I think that this falls well into ‘different parenting styles’ it’s hard because this obviously feels wrong to you but there’s nothing you can do to change his parenting unless is dangerous.

JudgeRudy · 23/04/2023 12:52

What would I do? I'd get her to show me what a 'big girl' she is at the next opportunity by nipping in the co-op to buy some milk. My daughter could cross the road at 6 (as safely as a much older child)...my sin not so much. What's the worst thing that could happen? Does she know what to do 'in an emergency'?

Oblomov23 · 23/04/2023 12:53

Sounds fine. Can't see the issue.

AgrathaChristie · 23/04/2023 12:53

Safer than leaving her outside with the dog?

JustDanceAddict · 23/04/2023 12:56

While I don’t think it’s awful, 6 is too young to be left in a big shop like home bargains. Maybe a small newsagent or corner shop, but afaik HB is a large store.
i presume it’s cos of the dog though.

C152 · 23/04/2023 12:58

Is it a big shop? If it's like a small corner shop with a window and he can see her inside, then I think that's fine. I was taught how to pay for things and figure out change in the same way, at a similar age. If he can't see her then no, I don't think that's acceptable as it is a safety risk.

Ponoka7 · 23/04/2023 13:00

If she was ok with it, I'd be. My eldest GC is eight and has just wanted to do this. Our home and bargains are strict on school aged children, so she wouldn't be allowed to shop alone in our rougher ones.

RJnomore1 · 23/04/2023 13:02

No wonder so many teenagers have anxiety issues going by half the posts on this thread.

You’re putting your child far more at risk every time you put them in your car than doing this.

The person who suggested stopping them seeing their dad because if this - that’s totally disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourself.

BestZebbie · 23/04/2023 13:03

I think this is fine if the shop is reasonably small - we did similar from about 5 3/4 with the local one-stop or a flying tiger store with one room and a one-way system (in that case, they went round accompanied to decide what to buy, then the adult stood at the door while they went round again solo and bought it). The biggest issue they found was attracting the attention of the staff at the till to pay, even when standing directly in front holding out money they were often ignored in favour of the adult behind.

Our local Home Depots are multi-floor retail park stores and I think that would be a bit big for my taste aged 6 as you wouldn't be able to get in and find them quickly if there was something like a fire alarm where they might get evacuated to a different side of the building through an emergency door.

RightOnTheEdge · 23/04/2023 13:10

I am surprised because I usually think I give my children a bit more freedom than most on these kind of threads but my first reaction was that 6 is too young for this.
Maybe it's because all the Home Bargains shops I've seen have been big and busy but as PPs have said that some are small maybe it's ok.

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