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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have slept with my best friends father in law at her wedding?

169 replies

Pillowfork · 23/04/2023 07:27

My best friend and her now DH got married yesterday- beautiful wonderful day it was perfect. She met him as I know his dad from work, there's an age gap but we've always got on well and one night out we saw him and his son out so I introduced my BF and it went from there.

Anyway, despite the age gap there's always been sexual tension between me and his dad (we are both single so no issue on that side). After the reception I asked if he wanted to come to my room- we were staying in the hotel where the reception was held as were most of the guests. One thing led to another and we had sex; bit of alcohol involved but both able to make a rational decision just got swept away I think.

No regrets in regard to sleeping with him, we both talked about it this morning and are both alright, no one else knows either (unless they were spying but ridiculously unlikely). But I feel really guilty- she's my best friend and I don't usually keep anything from her but obviously this I will. I'm just worried in case she does find out, I guess it didn't affect her day at all but dunno just overthinking maybe, is it that big of a deal in reality?!

OP posts:
JaneFondue · 23/04/2023 09:41

I suppose I am old and prudish but I think consenting adults at this age can wait a bit until after the wedding. They are not teenagers. I would be creeped out if I were the bride and groom.

I am not big into the " I will do whatever I want and no one can tell me what to do" thing anyway. If this is real.

5128gap · 23/04/2023 09:55

Consenting adults can obviously do what they like. But for most of us sex with any one individual wouldn't take priority over the potential to cause offence or drama with our best friend. I mean really, the world is hardly running out of middle aged men who'd have one off sex with women their son's age, is it? Nor is it running out of hotel rooms or Saturday nights.

loislovesstewie · 23/04/2023 09:59

So it's OK for teens but not for more mature people? If it was behind closed doors and they don't blab then how does it impact anyone else? I'm older but I hope I could still have fun and be discreet about it.

Biggestdoormatever · 23/04/2023 10:00

Oh this is funny! Sounds like a fun night anyway OP. Do you think there will be a repeat?

nomoredriving · 23/04/2023 10:01

5128gap · 23/04/2023 09:55

Consenting adults can obviously do what they like. But for most of us sex with any one individual wouldn't take priority over the potential to cause offence or drama with our best friend. I mean really, the world is hardly running out of middle aged men who'd have one off sex with women their son's age, is it? Nor is it running out of hotel rooms or Saturday nights.

GrinGrinGrin

Kitkatbar2018 · 23/04/2023 10:01

If my best friend told me this as per details on this post I think my initial (and definitely not thought out) reaction would be to crack up. I wouldn't be too fussed about this as you knew him before hand. Thing is only you know your friend so how do you think they will take it. Will it make things super awkward between you, will trust issues develop etc

Original poster
Pillowfork · 23/04/2023 10:02

Survived breakfast, off home to try and get some sleep, thanks for the responses some interesting responses. Had a text from him which I'm going to ignore for now!

OP posts:
Original poster
Pillowfork · 23/04/2023 10:04

Biggestdoormatever · 23/04/2023 10:00

Oh this is funny! Sounds like a fun night anyway OP. Do you think there will be a repeat?

Probably not but hope remain close. I would feel a bit mean if we became FWB or anything as he has said before if age wasn't an issue for me he'd love to pursue something. Think maybe that's why I feel a bit bad about it but he said he understood last night. Hadn't considered the MIL to my friend bit either before even more reason not to do it again fml!!!

OP posts:
PollyAmour · 23/04/2023 11:08

It doesn't sound like a friendship ending event, but I don't think I'd share it with her, she may feel a bit queasy at knowing her dad has been shagging her best mate on her wedding night.

Willmafrockfit · 23/04/2023 11:17

it wasnt her dad @PollyAmour
but her new husband's dad

yes a bit queasy.

KimberleyClark · 23/04/2023 11:21

Is the FIL married?

AllIeveknewonlyou · 23/04/2023 11:26

KimberleyClark · 23/04/2023 11:21

Is the FIL married?

Divorced a while back happily remarried 10 years

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 23/04/2023 11:26

JaneFondue · 23/04/2023 08:32

I must be the lone voice who thinks it's tacky and grim to choose this occasion. Anyway let's hope she never finds out.

You're not the only one!

I also suspect a lot of posters would find it a bit weird to find out that their best friend had slept with their husbands' dad...

Iwantmyoldnameback · 23/04/2023 11:36

As these are the soft of things kept very very secret how does anyone know what their wedding guests got up to behind closed doors?

KimberleyClark · 23/04/2023 11:36

AllIeveknewonlyou · 23/04/2023 11:26

Divorced a while back happily remarried 10 years

Show quote history

Then it was a shitty thing to do.

Original poster
Pillowfork · 23/04/2023 11:42

He isn't married! His ex wife has been happily married for many years though they split long before I knew him. He is single.

OP posts:
DepartureLounge · 23/04/2023 11:44

You know your friend best, but this would not bother me. In fact, since you introduced the bride and groom via your prior friendship with each other, I think it has a kind of symmetry that's rather romantic actually. I don't think you've done anything wrong at all.

I don't think an 18-year age gap is anything to get hot under the collar about either.

KimberleyClark · 23/04/2023 11:45

Pillowfork · 23/04/2023 11:42

He isn't married! His ex wife has been happily married for many years though they split long before I knew him. He is single.

In that case please disregard my post.

RadicalAnne · 23/04/2023 11:48

To quote an old song:

I have often heard it said by my father and my mother
That going to a wedding is the making of another

FabFitFifties · 23/04/2023 11:54

Are you bragging? It's a bit grim, but not "wrong" as such. I wouldn't worry, but wouldn't share either. I don't fancy your chances of keeping it secret if you couldn't wait to post on here.

Original poster
Pillowfork · 23/04/2023 12:08

No not bragging its nothing to be proud of although not ashamed either. An anonymous message board seemed a good way to work through my thoughts and get opinions whilst not involving anyone in real life.

OP posts:
whumpthereitis · 23/04/2023 12:26

Barrythetimesprout · 23/04/2023 08:51

As a little thought experiment let's turn this round shall we?
How does 'At my wedding a friend of my new husband fucked my mum' sound?

Depends whether it was on the alter during the ceremony or not tbf.

billy1966 · 23/04/2023 12:37

5128gap · 23/04/2023 09:55

Consenting adults can obviously do what they like. But for most of us sex with any one individual wouldn't take priority over the potential to cause offence or drama with our best friend. I mean really, the world is hardly running out of middle aged men who'd have one off sex with women their son's age, is it? Nor is it running out of hotel rooms or Saturday nights.

I agree with this.

Shabby timing.

Whatever about what the bride may think, if I heard a friend did that at the wedding of her best friend, I would think she had poor judgement and little respect for herself or her friend.

It was only one day, surely you weren't that desperate.

I suggest you keep it to yourself, as despite what friends may say to your face, they will likely think less of you.

As for the father of the groom?

Grim behaviour 🙄

Strugglingtodomybest · 23/04/2023 13:00

Barrythetimesprout · 23/04/2023 08:51

As a little thought experiment let's turn this round shall we?
How does 'At my wedding a friend of my new husband fucked my mum' sound?

If they're both single, I'd think exactly the same. Up to them who they have sex with and nothing to do with me.

LolaSmiles · 23/04/2023 13:02

Consenting adults can obviously do what they like. But for most of us sex with any one individual wouldn't take priority over the potential to cause offence or drama with our best friend. I mean really, the world is hardly running out of middle aged men who'd have one off sex with women their son's age, is it? Nor is it running out of hotel rooms or Saturday nights
Agree with you, but it will only cause offence and drama if the OP's friend and husband are the sort of people who think they get to dictate what their guests do at all points of their wedding day.

Much as I'd not do what the OP has, they were friends before the couple met so it does have slightly different vibes to father of the groom and hooking up with bride's friend who he's just met. It's not like she has attended the wedding looking for a middle aged man to shag and then zoomed in on her friend's new father in law.

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