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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have slept with my best friends father in law at her wedding?

169 replies

Pillowfork · 23/04/2023 07:27

My best friend and her now DH got married yesterday- beautiful wonderful day it was perfect. She met him as I know his dad from work, there's an age gap but we've always got on well and one night out we saw him and his son out so I introduced my BF and it went from there.

Anyway, despite the age gap there's always been sexual tension between me and his dad (we are both single so no issue on that side). After the reception I asked if he wanted to come to my room- we were staying in the hotel where the reception was held as were most of the guests. One thing led to another and we had sex; bit of alcohol involved but both able to make a rational decision just got swept away I think.

No regrets in regard to sleeping with him, we both talked about it this morning and are both alright, no one else knows either (unless they were spying but ridiculously unlikely). But I feel really guilty- she's my best friend and I don't usually keep anything from her but obviously this I will. I'm just worried in case she does find out, I guess it didn't affect her day at all but dunno just overthinking maybe, is it that big of a deal in reality?!

OP posts:
Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 23/04/2023 08:14

I’d be more concerned about the work aspect, personally. I hope he’s not your boss or one of your clients…..

CreationNat1on · 23/04/2023 08:16

Who cares, your private life is your own business, just maintain some decorum today and allow the bride her moment.

Original poster
Pillowfork · 23/04/2023 08:16

Yes to using contraception!

The age gap is 18 years, we have spoken before about being a good match but I've been honest that the age wouldn't be something I'd be content with long term so we have always just remained close. Worried a bit having sex will have ruined things but price you pay I suppose!

His ex wife was at the wedding but she's been happily married for a decade or so- they split way before I met him, he's had a long term relationship since but they split so not sure she'd be arsed but again didn't do anything in front of anyone.

OP posts:
Redraddisho27 · 23/04/2023 08:17

Your sex life, your business.

Original poster
Pillowfork · 23/04/2023 08:17

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 23/04/2023 08:14

I’d be more concerned about the work aspect, personally. I hope he’s not your boss or one of your clients…..

We used to work in the same team and I've been promoted to a completely different area now. We meet for coffee or lunch occasionally at work but nothing beyond that. He has never been my manager or anything.

OP posts:
pastaandpesto · 23/04/2023 08:17

Really shocked by the "you did nothing wrong" comments.

Really? Really?

Basically, it's fine for people to behave however they want and if someone finds it upsetting that's their problem This guy took advantage of is own son's wedding to get laid. That's grim.

Giggorata · 23/04/2023 08:17

This sort of thing seems to happen a lot at weddings.
As long as you weren't doing it in the street and frightening the horses…

I’m not sure it's so much the issue of when or where, as who.
I have learned that people are strangely proprietorial about close relations and exes.
So it could be a really big deal to your friend.

Again, some people are very affected by anything happening around their wedding. Only you know if this is your friend or not.

To be on the safe side, if it were me, I wouldn't say anything for ages, long after the wedding glow has gone, long after it is clear whether you and FIL are going to continue any kind of relationship, looooooong gap, if I said anything at all.
I would also laugh off anything said by anyone else, if they noticed. “Oh yes, we did have a chat. Can't remember much of what about, work and stuff. I was a bit tiddly”

Phoebo · 23/04/2023 08:18

Pillowfork · 23/04/2023 07:52

I'm not planning on telling her ever! He won't tell anyone either, just the fear she will find out from elsewhere but unlikely. I haven't been to sleep yet as having breakfast with the girls soon before going home to hibernate. Thankfully she will rightfully be with her new DH this morning not with us!

Well whatever you do don't tell anyone else! Hearing it from someone else will be so much worse

sausagelastrange · 23/04/2023 08:18

All I can think is that everyone on MN who went to a wedding yesterday are reading this over breakfast and looking at their fellow guests wondering if this is them 😂

WithyouFromDuskTilDawn · 23/04/2023 08:20

You knew him before your friend was with his son. You’re both single. There’s no issue at all.

Why are you trying to create drama by making this a thing. It’s like you’re trying to make her wedding day about you by having this thing that’s really bad. It’s really not.

GoodChat · 23/04/2023 08:22

I don't know OP, I think this is a bit out there, especially as it seems you've both been waiting for an excuse/opportunity and it happened to be at her wedding Grin

Someone will have seen you or spotted the affection/interaction between you, for sure!

JenniferBarkley · 23/04/2023 08:22

I don't think you've done anything terrible since you're both single, and the fact that you've known each other a long time helps too. But I still think you shouldn't have chosen the wedding, kind of violates the ovaries before brovaries, uteruses before duderuses code.

VaddaABeetch · 23/04/2023 08:22

It’s a bit take a break…I bagged my BFF sexy FIL & I don’t care who knows it.

😀😀😀

You could make an announcement at the breakfast buffet…

Dentistlakes · 23/04/2023 08:24

I don’t see the issue. You’re both single. I don’t see the need to tell her at all, unless of course it develops into a longer term relationship.

SquishyGloopyBum · 23/04/2023 08:24

Two single consenting adults. If it progressed to a FWB, relationship, marriage you still wouldn't be doing anything wrong.

Did you enjoy yourself op? That's what matters!!

MargotMoon · 23/04/2023 08:24

YA definitely not being U. But wise to keep schtum for the time being!!

Maireas · 23/04/2023 08:24

VaddaABeetch · 23/04/2023 08:22

It’s a bit take a break…I bagged my BFF sexy FIL & I don’t care who knows it.

😀😀😀

You could make an announcement at the breakfast buffet…

😂😂
Go downstairs and say to the groom "I'm your new mummy now!"

NumberTheory · 23/04/2023 08:25

I get that you knew him before this, but unless your friend and her husband were aware you had/were pursuing a sexual interest in him, then their wedding was not the place to act on it.

If I were your friend and I found out I’d be annoyed at you. If I were your friends husband and I found out I’d be really pissed off with my father. Pretty much no one really wants their parents hooking up with their peer group. It happens and people deal with it, but it strains relationships.

Freefall212 · 23/04/2023 08:27

For me there is a friend code where I would not start sleeping with my best friend's family. Too messy and likely to cause hurt feelings. Especially without them knowing. I would consider that disloyal in a friendship. But you know your friend. If you wouldn't hve been upset to come home and find her in bed with your brother or brother in law or your dad or your step dad and you know she would be similar - then to each their own.

LolaSmiles · 23/04/2023 08:30

It would be a bit weird if you and him didn't already know each other. You'd be consenting adults but it would feel a bit much for the father of the groom to hook up with the bride's friend at the wedding.

Because you already knew each other and actually introduced the couple to each other, it feels different to me. It's two friends who've been at a social event, had a few to drink and had a consensual one night stand. I'd probably not tell her and keep this as a to the grave sort of thing though.

BitchFaceResting · 23/04/2023 08:30

pastaandpesto · 23/04/2023 07:54

Isn't the point here more about how her DH would feel if he finds out that his dad took advantage of his wedding day to have a quick shag? I guess it depends on the relationship between the father and son, but I surely most sons would find that pretty distasteful. If the DH is indeed upset by it, then you are complicit in a situation that has caused upset to her new husband on/about their wedding day. I think it's pretty out of order tbh and that the whole "he's single, I'm single" minimises the real issue which is how the DH will feel if he finds out.

Why put the blame on the dad @pastaandpesto ? OP said it was mutual; previous sexual tension, both took the opportunity to shag at her bf/his son's wedding

Barrythetimesprout · 23/04/2023 08:30

So to confirm what you mean is
'I was invited to a wedding by the bride and shagged the Groom's father'

It's all a bit Jeremy Kyle...

Neurodiversitydoctor · 23/04/2023 08:30

Oh honestly, what goes on tour, stays on tour. This is not a problem.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/04/2023 08:30

Yes, definitely one to keep to yourself as it may cause upset. However, really and honestly you did nothing wrong.

Iwantmyoldnameback · 23/04/2023 08:31

Can't quite get my head round why you are posting this on here - tell no one and hope the gutter press doesn't pick it up.