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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have slept with my best friends father in law at her wedding?

169 replies

Pillowfork · 23/04/2023 07:27

My best friend and her now DH got married yesterday- beautiful wonderful day it was perfect. She met him as I know his dad from work, there's an age gap but we've always got on well and one night out we saw him and his son out so I introduced my BF and it went from there.

Anyway, despite the age gap there's always been sexual tension between me and his dad (we are both single so no issue on that side). After the reception I asked if he wanted to come to my room- we were staying in the hotel where the reception was held as were most of the guests. One thing led to another and we had sex; bit of alcohol involved but both able to make a rational decision just got swept away I think.

No regrets in regard to sleeping with him, we both talked about it this morning and are both alright, no one else knows either (unless they were spying but ridiculously unlikely). But I feel really guilty- she's my best friend and I don't usually keep anything from her but obviously this I will. I'm just worried in case she does find out, I guess it didn't affect her day at all but dunno just overthinking maybe, is it that big of a deal in reality?!

OP posts:
JaneFondue · 23/04/2023 08:32

I must be the lone voice who thinks it's tacky and grim to choose this occasion. Anyway let's hope she never finds out.

notacooldad · 23/04/2023 08:32

Would those of you who find this ok be saying the same thing if the BFs dad had posted 'after my son's wedding I had sex with my daughter-in-laws best friend'? I think not
I honestly wouldn't be bothered. It is not my life and I'm not interfering with other people's life's. They are both single. If one had a partner I would feel different.

Polygonpresent · 23/04/2023 08:32

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 23/04/2023 07:45

Obviously you’ve done nothing “wrong” but I can totally see your friend not being happy. Take it to the grave

This. It’ll just be really weird for her, and weirder for her DH! Keep it to yourselves.

Greenfairydust · 23/04/2023 08:32

I think it is rather disrespectful.

It was your friend's big day and you could have simply waited to sleep with her relative...

If a friend told me me she had done what you did on my wedding day I would think less of her.

Frankly keep quiet and maybe be a bit more thoughtful in the future.

FIL sounds a bit grim and sleazy as well: much older guy hits on his new DIL's friend at the wedding.

dottiedodah · 23/04/2023 08:33

TBH Im struggling to see an issue here .I thought FIL was still married to MIL at first! If hes single whats the deal? Just see how things pan out.Doubtful you would need to tell her for a while yet.You could just say you went out fir a few drinks after work and one thing led to another! Just a little white lie surely.If you got together .you have some fun nights out as a ready made foursome for Suppers/Drinks out whatever

BitchFaceResting · 23/04/2023 08:34

Iwantmyoldnameback · 23/04/2023 08:31

Can't quite get my head round why you are posting this on here - tell no one and hope the gutter press doesn't pick it up.

Oh, the DailyFail would love this!

VincentVaguer · 23/04/2023 08:34

JaneFondue · 23/04/2023 08:32

I must be the lone voice who thinks it's tacky and grim to choose this occasion. Anyway let's hope she never finds out.

Nope,.me too. Yet another thread where the majority of the responses are weird.

Fuerza · 23/04/2023 08:35

I wouldn't beat yourself up but I wouldn't tell her either. Both she and her H are likely to be a bit eeeeooooow if you tell them. You don't owe them this story.

If it had been her father however, I'd say yeh take it to your grave. But so long as you get that it's ok to keep parts of your life private, you're entitled to, no problem, if it gets out then shrug and say 'yeh, wasn't going to announce it but I don't need to deny it''.

BitchFaceResting · 23/04/2023 08:35

JaneFondue · 23/04/2023 08:32

I must be the lone voice who thinks it's tacky and grim to choose this occasion. Anyway let's hope she never finds out.

you aren't the only one

IHateLegDay · 23/04/2023 08:37

I look forward to reading this in the Daily Mail this afternoon 😂

BitchFaceResting · 23/04/2023 08:38

@Greenfairydust Read the OP! He did not hit on her. It was a mutual attraction, happening before the wedding. They both wanted each other so much, they chose to do it at a wedding
So many people on MN ready to blame the man without ascertaining/reading facts

Hobnobswantshernameback · 23/04/2023 08:39

People believe this and are answering seriously?????
blimey

OneLittleFinger · 23/04/2023 08:39

Conkersinautumn · 23/04/2023 07:55

At the wedding totally attention seeking behaviour from both of you (and you invited him up). I know you seem to have got away with it. But seriously, your friend would surely be mortified to find the only thing anyone recalls about her wedding was her friend getting it on with the grooms dad.

I agree with this. I could have gone off with my best friend's brother at her wedding but refused because I didn't want her to have that as a memory of her special day if she found out.

Don't be surprised if someone noticed your behaviour and put two and two together.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 23/04/2023 08:40

JaneFondue · 23/04/2023 08:32

I must be the lone voice who thinks it's tacky and grim to choose this occasion. Anyway let's hope she never finds out.

No I agree with you.

Moveoverdarlin · 23/04/2023 08:40

I’d keep schtum for the time being. See how things pan out, but never say things kicked-off at the wedding. She could get funny about that.

VincentVaguer · 23/04/2023 08:41

Hobnobswantshernameback · 23/04/2023 08:39

People believe this and are answering seriously?????
blimey

Yeah, there's been so many of these recently. They are doing a good job of outing many mumsnetters as anti social weirdos.

pastaandpesto · 23/04/2023 08:42

VincentVaguer · 23/04/2023 08:34

Nope,.me too. Yet another thread where the majority of the responses are weird.

Show quote history

Definitely not a lone voice. It's grim as fuck.

Those posters who think YANBU - how would you feel if your divorced dad used your own wedding day as an opportunity for a quick hook up with a single female friend of your new DH? Are you saying you would honestly he OK with that? Because that's the situation this DH is in.

The fact you have an independent relationship with this guy is a complete red herring. You've had long term chemistry togther and you've waited until now - when you reaslised where the night was headed you should have both stepped away and agreed to pick it up later. Not use the occasion to create a tacky bit of frisson.

strangerperson · 23/04/2023 08:42

Don't tell her but if you get into a relationship it's not her business anyway but she will likely make it her business. If you didn't have a history with him and only had met at the wedding then, yes she would have the right to make it her business. Her DH on the other hand, I would be more worried about that!

pictoosh · 23/04/2023 08:43

I think it's tacky tbh...but not something I'd hold against someone or dwell on.

SeaDee · 23/04/2023 08:43

JaneFondue · 23/04/2023 08:32

I must be the lone voice who thinks it's tacky and grim to choose this occasion. Anyway let's hope she never finds out.

I agree

Barrythetimesprout · 23/04/2023 08:43

Ifyou got together .you have some fun nights out as a ready made foursome for Suppers/Drinks out whatever
🤣

Custardslices · 23/04/2023 08:43

Sounds classy.

Such fond memories

All the time and expense they've gone to and now you want to give them bad memories for the day? Selfish

Snaaaaacks · 23/04/2023 08:43

BitchFaceResting · 23/04/2023 07:56

Sorry, that's just off, especially as it's you BFs dad.
Would those of you who find this ok be saying the same thing if the BFs dad had posted 'after my son's wedding I had sex with my daughter-in-laws best friend'? I think not

Will you tell his son? And really, if you are not embarrassed or ashamed, why don't you tell your friend? It's not like it's her dad you slept with

Why must she tell anyone who she slept with? 2 consenting single adults, they can do what they like, it doesn't impact anyone else. All this "take it to the grave" business, she hasn't done anything wrong, op knew the bloke before op knew her husband besides, they could have already been shagging for all the mate knows. The only reason it'd be "weird" is that op's mate now has a father daughter type relationship you have with your fil, so hearing about a wild night of sex one of your mates had with him would make you feel weird when in her head he's more a dad like figure.

Ollifer · 23/04/2023 08:45

mrsbyers · 23/04/2023 08:09

I think you’ve posted this because you want / need to tell someone rather than it’s tearing you up - you’re two adults and by the sound of things were sober enough to have thought of the impact on your friend before you did it so crack on and live with it

Yeah this is what I thought!

Tarantullah · 23/04/2023 08:47

Hobnobswantshernameback · 23/04/2023 08:39

People believe this and are answering seriously?????
blimey

I don't know, some threads I think are absolutely ridiculous but then some people do some bloody weird things in real life. I don't think it's outside the realm of possibility, I guess it's not a thread people are expending a lot of emotional energy on replying to, it's horrible when serious threads are a load of made up crap and people provide brilliant advice only for it to be deleted that it's sad imo.

Wonder how the breakfast is going, scrambled eggs with a side of shame yet satisfaction.

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