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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this person a CF or AIBU?

189 replies

NewJobNervousNelly · 22/04/2023 17:25

I have a tree in my front garden that we have put a small swing in for DD6. My garden doesn't have a fence around it but it's quite clearly a private garden. Last week I WFH all week and my dog was going crazy Monday so I went downstairs and there was a woman pushing a child of about 3 on the swing - there's only 10 houses on our close and she definitely wasn't a neighbour but I thought she may have been visiting a neighbor so just left it. This then happened again on Tuesday and Wednesday but both times I was on a call so I couldnt go out but she saw me at the window on Tuesday and just smiled and carried on. I mentioned it to a neighbor and he said she comes in most days, walks in, plays on the swing and then walks back out of the close.

Is this woman a CF or AIBU asking her to sod off? It's not really doing any harm, other than setting my dog off barking but I just find it bizarre behaviour.

OP posts:
ZekeZeke · 22/04/2023 17:27

Of course she is a CF. It's private property
If there was an accident she would be banging on your door.
Next time you see her doing I tell her to stop, it's making your dogs crazy, you work from home and are being disturbed.
And, you are trespassing!

CryWolf · 22/04/2023 17:27

That is seriously odd behaviour on her part! Definitely Cf.

PollyAmour · 22/04/2023 17:30

Can you get some cheap and easy lawn dividers, like they sell in Home Bargain so it makes it even more obvious it is a private garden? Maybe she's unaware and thinks it's a swing for anyone to use.

MrBit · 22/04/2023 17:30

Go out and explain not that you should have to or put up a sign saying private garden if you don't want to say anything face to face

LittleMie · 22/04/2023 17:32

Is there no local parks? very weird thing to do, especially returning everyday as if it's a fun outing for the family Confused

YellowHatt · 22/04/2023 17:34

she definitely wasn't a neighbour but I thought she may have been visiting a neighbor so just left it.
I don’t understand this bit. Do you always let neighbours and their visitors used your garden without asking?

That first time would have been perfect time to tell her it’s private property. She probably smiled at you the subsequent times because she assumed it was ok based on your first reaction. She’s either doesn’t know it’s private or is being a CF.

Treesoutsidemywindow · 22/04/2023 17:34

Yep! Definitely a CF! I think maybe when you next see her, and are able to get to the door, explain to her that the swing actually IS on private property, and while you haven't minded her little one enjoying it occasionally, you can't really let her continue to do so, as if anything went wrong, the swing broke, whatever, you would be liable, and you're not insured for that. Hopefully, if she's a reasonable person this will be enough to put a stop to it, but if not, then I think I might be inclined to take the swing down for a while. Alternatively, could you buy a proper swing and keep it in your back garden? I realise that you shouldn't have to do this, but you may find that a swing in your front garden becomes a draw to other youngster, especially in the holidays, and then this will become a bigger problem.

Heroicallyfound · 22/04/2023 17:35

Very rude. Make sure you tell her next time you see her - just ‘excuse me, this is private property’ is fine and a ‘please leave now’ if she pushes it!

TeeBee · 22/04/2023 17:35

Think I'd just go out and say 'excuse me, this is MY private garden and that isY child's swing. You don't get to come round and use my private property. Please leave. You're upsetting my dog, which is disturbing me'. Not entirely sure why you haven't said anything to her yet.

DoneByWeds · 22/04/2023 17:36

If you are looking to deter: Rather than the hassle of a fence, you could get a cycle combination lock and put it around the swing so it can't be used.

Original poster
NewJobNervousNelly · 22/04/2023 17:38

There are only 10 houses on the close, 6 of which have children so the children play out together and often play on my front garden on the swing. I thought if the person was visiting one of these people, the neighbour may have said I wouldn't mind. She didn't see me the first time so can't think it's ok because I was fine with it then.

OP posts:
Blondey2023 · 22/04/2023 17:39

Just say sorry I don't know if you realise but this is actually my garden and also my dog gets very agitated when you use it. And wait for her response which should be a profuse apology!!

Original poster
NewJobNervousNelly · 22/04/2023 17:40

I don't have the space in my back garden for a swing and my dog isn't great with people he doesn't know, so I want the swing on the front so my daughter can play with her friends on it. If she wanted to invite them into the back garden, it would cause issues with the dog.

OP posts:
ThatFraggle · 22/04/2023 17:40

Worst case scenario if you allow this to go on for years, you will create an easement, allowing public access.

Original poster
NewJobNervousNelly · 22/04/2023 17:41

I'm glad everyone agrees it's strange. DH was telling me it's harmless so leave it be so I was then overthinking whether I was overreacting!

OP posts:
Justalittlebitduckling · 22/04/2023 17:51

I think a motion activated sprinkler would sort this out.

Or an, “Excuse me, I’m not sure if you’re aware but this is a actually my garden?”. CF.

Blizzard23 · 22/04/2023 17:53

It’s okay to tell her to stop

FrigginFrig · 22/04/2023 18:18

Justalittlebitduckling · 22/04/2023 17:51

I think a motion activated sprinkler would sort this out.

Or an, “Excuse me, I’m not sure if you’re aware but this is a actually my garden?”. CF.

YY to the sprinkler!

I'd probably have to tell her first that I'm not ok with her using the swing, but if she carried on then sprinklers it would be! CF

Original poster
NewJobNervousNelly · 22/04/2023 18:20

I was considering a sprinkler last night but then I'll no doubt forget to turn it off and it'll catch me or DD out!

OP posts:
Seeline · 22/04/2023 18:24

Hook the swing up and put up a sign saying Danger, rotten branch.

maximist · 22/04/2023 18:30

Use a cheap bike chain to tie the swing up when it's not in use.

Swalewhale · 22/04/2023 18:35

She's not doing any harm though is she? Imagine she's a Ukrainian refugee, she doesn't realise it's your garden boundary, shes finally found a little safe place to walk to, her kid loves it there, and you lot want her to fuck off! Life is short, I say leave her be

turnthebiglightoff · 22/04/2023 18:39

A sprinkler is not fair when you've not even got the gumption to ask her not to use it.

Also - as an aside - I would be seriously pissed off if a neighbour used their front garden for a swing, unless it's completely obscured from view.

Just my take!!

Blondey2023 · 22/04/2023 18:41

Swalewhale · 22/04/2023 18:35

She's not doing any harm though is she? Imagine she's a Ukrainian refugee, she doesn't realise it's your garden boundary, shes finally found a little safe place to walk to, her kid loves it there, and you lot want her to fuck off! Life is short, I say leave her be

Ok we will direct people to your private garden to play with their kids, since you don't mind 😉

Freefall212 · 22/04/2023 18:42

I guess the question is....does it really bother you? It is easily accessible. Does it matter if she swings on it for a few minutes each day?

I am like your DH. I would be glad another child was getting enjoyment out of the swing and that maybe it makes the walk easier for this mom as they have the swing part way through. Given all the neighbour kids use, does it matter if this kid does too?

Obviously it is your property and you have a right to stop her if you want to.