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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this person a CF or AIBU?

189 replies

NewJobNervousNelly · 22/04/2023 17:25

I have a tree in my front garden that we have put a small swing in for DD6. My garden doesn't have a fence around it but it's quite clearly a private garden. Last week I WFH all week and my dog was going crazy Monday so I went downstairs and there was a woman pushing a child of about 3 on the swing - there's only 10 houses on our close and she definitely wasn't a neighbour but I thought she may have been visiting a neighbor so just left it. This then happened again on Tuesday and Wednesday but both times I was on a call so I couldnt go out but she saw me at the window on Tuesday and just smiled and carried on. I mentioned it to a neighbor and he said she comes in most days, walks in, plays on the swing and then walks back out of the close.

Is this woman a CF or AIBU asking her to sod off? It's not really doing any harm, other than setting my dog off barking but I just find it bizarre behaviour.

OP posts:
Snazzysausage · 23/04/2023 09:59

Definitely nip this in the bud asap,weathers getting better and school summer break is coming up. She could easily have an older child(ren) so head her off now or you may look out one day to see kids,dog and a picnic. Who knows?I can't believe how many posters claim to think it's ok. It's private property!

LaMaG · 23/04/2023 10:06

Its trespassing. End of. Her circumstances or yours are not relevant. Who knows what is next, she will be making cups of tea for herself in your kitchen while you are on a call upstairs. I actually can't believe that someone would do this. Definitely nip it in the bud.

Original poster
NewJobNervousNelly · 23/04/2023 10:14

When my DD was younger, we lived in a house with no garden on a road she couldn't play out on - a house round the corner had a tree house with a slide and a swing and my DD was fascinated with it so you know what I did? I explained it was a lucky little boy or girls garden and we walked to the public park 3 minutes away. The child this person is bringing looks to be about 3, my neighbour has heard them talking so the child is definitely old enough to be told it is a private garden. My question of why she was in the close in the first place will hopefully be answered when I next see her.

If I continue to allow this, my dog will continue to go ballistic if I'm not here to tell him to hush. My direct neighbour works from home so I think it's wholly unfair for him to listen to my dog go bananas because of a total stranger.

It also begs the question of where is the line drawn? When she knocks on and asks if she can use the back garden for the BBQ, wants to use the toilet because the child is in need of the loo, brings her friends for a picnic on my drive?

I'm not locking the swing up. I'm going to speak to her when I next see her - I have even warned my team if I disappear off a call, this will be why!

OP posts:
Valour · 23/04/2023 10:41

Chuckydidit · 23/04/2023 06:55

They may not speak English.

I suspect she’s not from this country. I’ve found that certain people will take advantage of everything around them as they may not have these opportunities where they’re from.

If you don’t want to say anything remove the swing when not in use.

Show quote history

Meaning that them there forriners are here to take the piss? Take a holiday fgs.

I wouldn't feel comfortable with this, but I'd put a fence or hedge around my garden to ensure clarity that it's private property.

cheeseandketchupsandwich · 23/04/2023 10:50

Some of these replies are something else 😂

You don't need to fence off your garden if you don't want to.

Nor do you need to allow this person access to your swing just in case she's an immigrant 😂

You're doing the right thing. Next time you see her, make it clear it's private property and she is not to return.

And do come back to let us know how it went 😁

PoseyFlump · 23/04/2023 11:00

my front garden is round

I'm trying to picture a fairly large round piece of grass with a swing on it. Is your house at the end of the street as well? Sounds like she thinks it's a communal area. Does this really warrant a MN thread to know what to do? If you're too scared to talk to her just put a sign up until she stops.

Original poster
NewJobNervousNelly · 23/04/2023 11:31

PoseyFlump · 23/04/2023 11:00

my front garden is round

I'm trying to picture a fairly large round piece of grass with a swing on it. Is your house at the end of the street as well? Sounds like she thinks it's a communal area. Does this really warrant a MN thread to know what to do? If you're too scared to talk to her just put a sign up until she stops.

It's clear you haven't read the thread. As I've explained, it's not a swing in the middle of a piece of grass, it's a swing my husband has put in the tree in our garden. It's very clear it's a private garden, my drive is immediately next to it with my car parked on it. My house isn't on the end, it's actually into the close so hidden from the road.

I can draw a diagram if people are struggling to visualise a garden that isn't perfectly squared.

I'm not sure where you got the impression I'm scared. I have explained numerous times the reason for the post and nowhere do I say I'm scared of speaking to her, I have actually said at least twice I'm going to speak to her next time.

OP posts:
Freefall212 · 23/04/2023 11:37

You are exaggerating hypotherticals. If you don't want her on the swing, you dont want her on the swing. Just put out a sign saying keep out, private property, trespassers will be prosecutted. She will get the hint and you will have your private front garden to yourself.

PoseyFlump · 23/04/2023 12:10

Exactly @Freefall212

I'm going to speak to her next time.

Yeah. Or you could... I don't know, just thinking outside the box here.... get a bloody sign!!

SparkyBlue · 23/04/2023 12:25

I'd try find some way of tying it up as well.

LaMaG · 23/04/2023 12:37

Apologies but what does CF mean? Am fairly new to MN

Freefall212 · 23/04/2023 12:40

LaMaG · 23/04/2023 12:37

Apologies but what does CF mean? Am fairly new to MN

Cheeky fucker or cunty fucker.

LaMaG · 23/04/2023 12:42

Oh yeah 😊that's where my mind was going too but was unsure it was a more polite term

Original poster
NewJobNervousNelly · 23/04/2023 13:00

PoseyFlump · 23/04/2023 12:10

Exactly @Freefall212

I'm going to speak to her next time.

Yeah. Or you could... I don't know, just thinking outside the box here.... get a bloody sign!!

I don't want a sign attached to my tree, this is the only time in the 10 years that I've lived here that this has been a problem. Why do I need to do that when as a grown woman, I can just approach her and have, I don't know ... A conversation?

OP posts:
AngeloMysterioso · 23/04/2023 13:01

Swalewhale · 22/04/2023 18:35

She's not doing any harm though is she? Imagine she's a Ukrainian refugee, she doesn't realise it's your garden boundary, shes finally found a little safe place to walk to, her kid loves it there, and you lot want her to fuck off! Life is short, I say leave her be

There are actual playgrounds for that.

Swalewhale · 23/04/2023 15:35

Wow some of you are so territorial! She's not doing a shit on the grass, she's just using the swing.
I think this is a class thing because if you have grown up on council estates you don't have your own 'private' front garden, everywhere out the front is fair game to play. I bet it's just a misunderstanding, she doesn't realise it's your land.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 23/04/2023 15:43

Swalewhale · 23/04/2023 15:35

Wow some of you are so territorial! She's not doing a shit on the grass, she's just using the swing.
I think this is a class thing because if you have grown up on council estates you don't have your own 'private' front garden, everywhere out the front is fair game to play. I bet it's just a misunderstanding, she doesn't realise it's your land.

It doesn't matter that she's just using the swing Hmm

You can't just go onto someone's property and start using their stuff without asking permission first.

Boughtitdownthemarket · 23/04/2023 16:13

I think some of these replies are batshit. Of course it's not OK that some random woman and child are using your clearly private garden. In the same scenario, I would have no problem telling someone to sling their hook.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/04/2023 16:13

@Swalewhale - do you want to tell us where you live so we can just wander in and make ourselves at home - because you wouldn’t be territorial would you? hmm

Harrysmummy246 · 23/04/2023 16:17

Perfectly possible to build fences that aren't straight/ square.
And while she is BU, you are too for not dealing with it

AngeloMysterioso · 23/04/2023 16:23

Swalewhale · 23/04/2023 15:35

Wow some of you are so territorial! She's not doing a shit on the grass, she's just using the swing.
I think this is a class thing because if you have grown up on council estates you don't have your own 'private' front garden, everywhere out the front is fair game to play. I bet it's just a misunderstanding, she doesn't realise it's your land.

I grew up on a council estate. We didn’t go and play in other people’s gardens without their permission

shieldmaiden7 · 23/04/2023 16:35

I wouldn't be happy either op. I suggest having a word with her when you see her next and if she continues to turn up use a bike lock like others have suggested to lock the swing up out of the way when not in use. Keep us updated!

WickedSerious · 23/04/2023 16:56

AngeloMysterioso · 23/04/2023 16:23

I grew up on a council estate. We didn’t go and play in other people’s gardens without their permission

Show quote history

Same here,although we did have quite a few CFs using our back garden as a shortcut to the street behind us.

Freefall212 · 23/04/2023 17:06

It just depends on who you are. Here is a video of a person who was perfectly fine with a random child coming on his property. Not everyone gets upset about someone coming onto their property.

PoseyFlump · 23/04/2023 17:21

as a grown woman, I can just approach her and have, I don't know ... A conversation?

Finally the penny has dropped. How about also talking to your six neighbours whose children you DO let use your swing. It's most likely something to do with this. Or just go on MN for the drama and do nothing but moan about it instead.