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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this person a CF or AIBU?

189 replies

NewJobNervousNelly · 22/04/2023 17:25

I have a tree in my front garden that we have put a small swing in for DD6. My garden doesn't have a fence around it but it's quite clearly a private garden. Last week I WFH all week and my dog was going crazy Monday so I went downstairs and there was a woman pushing a child of about 3 on the swing - there's only 10 houses on our close and she definitely wasn't a neighbour but I thought she may have been visiting a neighbor so just left it. This then happened again on Tuesday and Wednesday but both times I was on a call so I couldnt go out but she saw me at the window on Tuesday and just smiled and carried on. I mentioned it to a neighbor and he said she comes in most days, walks in, plays on the swing and then walks back out of the close.

Is this woman a CF or AIBU asking her to sod off? It's not really doing any harm, other than setting my dog off barking but I just find it bizarre behaviour.

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 23/04/2023 03:14

Yes she's a CF snd you'd be quite within your rights to tell her to leave....but it might seem odd after she's smiled at you previously when you looked at her out of your window.
Of course there's a possibility that she didn't realise it was your garden....depends how much it bothers you really. You ne er know, she could be your new best friend

FrigginFrig · 23/04/2023 03:15

HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 22/04/2023 22:32

I definitely think you should let the Ukranians use your swing.

🤣🤣

Phoebo · 23/04/2023 03:54

Cf. But there are a few around. She should be just asked.

landbeforegrime · 23/04/2023 04:11

I'm with the minority. there's no harm. the insurance issue is bs. same applies to the neighbourhood kids but that doesn't bother op so clearly not the issue. if it might break from a toddler using it I'd be far more worried about the older kids playing on it. if you don't want people to use it you should put up a fence. having a swing on display and easily accessible to anyone walking past is silly if this bothers you. no doubt her child sees it and wants to play on it. they are too young to understand why they can't and may have seen all the other children play on it. i would prefer they have a swing rather than spend the rest of their walk feeling sad and rejected. think it's cheap of op not to put up a fence but of course it's her perogative to exclude a toddler because it's private property.

nzeire · 23/04/2023 04:54

Yeats ago my mum went to my grandparents place which had a lovely big back garden, she found a dad and son playing there. He was like, hello, we love it here and come all the time, super cheerful!

mum was so taken aback she didnt say anything, but, oh, I’m glad you’re enjoying yourselves!

we all talked about it afterwards and decided it was super lovely (albiet odd) and just let them get on with it

few years later they actually bought the property. Another cool story… he hadn’t been for a year or so, had moved I think… was in a supermarketv(by the tomatoes) and dropped his keys… bent down to retrieve them and there was the property flyer in the ground… auction was later thT week

meant to be. It was a really special place, grandad would be so happy that someone loved it that much. He had built it himself

nothing really belongs to us I reckon,

EveryWitchWaybutLoose · 23/04/2023 05:21

Tell her to sod off.

CurlewKate · 23/04/2023 05:34

I'm not sure how I'd feel about this if it was my swing, but in true Mumsnet style, I'm fascinated by some completely irrelevant side issues. 1) Why do Ukranian refugees have special status when as a country we generally regard refugees with hostility and suspicion? 2) Why is it OK to have a dog that goes into "protect mode" and what the f is "protect mode" anyway? And 3)Why would anyone object to a swing in a front garden unless it was "out of sight"?

RoseFl0wers · 23/04/2023 05:55

CurlewKate · 23/04/2023 05:34

I'm not sure how I'd feel about this if it was my swing, but in true Mumsnet style, I'm fascinated by some completely irrelevant side issues. 1) Why do Ukranian refugees have special status when as a country we generally regard refugees with hostility and suspicion? 2) Why is it OK to have a dog that goes into "protect mode" and what the f is "protect mode" anyway? And 3)Why would anyone object to a swing in a front garden unless it was "out of sight"?

I thought the Ukranian refugee comment was really odd too! My grandmother is an immigrant (not white) and moved here legally in her 20s and had children here (so they are British). She still faces racism to this day because she’s not white European! Ukranians are white so they’re ‘ok’ to make mistakes (or be knowingly cheeky and take the piss), but non-whites aren’t.

OP needs to put up ‘Private land - No trespassing’ signs on her land. Also fencing.

Abacusporttaco · 23/04/2023 06:01

Thepossibility · 22/04/2023 21:51

I wouldn't begrudge a 3 yo a turn on a swing, no. It would be different if she'd opened a gate to get in or something. A child playing is a joyful thing.

I bet you were on the washing line thread, weren’t you?

Abacusporttaco · 23/04/2023 06:02

nzeire · 23/04/2023 04:54

Yeats ago my mum went to my grandparents place which had a lovely big back garden, she found a dad and son playing there. He was like, hello, we love it here and come all the time, super cheerful!

mum was so taken aback she didnt say anything, but, oh, I’m glad you’re enjoying yourselves!

we all talked about it afterwards and decided it was super lovely (albiet odd) and just let them get on with it

few years later they actually bought the property. Another cool story… he hadn’t been for a year or so, had moved I think… was in a supermarketv(by the tomatoes) and dropped his keys… bent down to retrieve them and there was the property flyer in the ground… auction was later thT week

meant to be. It was a really special place, grandad would be so happy that someone loved it that much. He had built it himself

nothing really belongs to us I reckon,

What? 😆

justlurkinghere · 23/04/2023 06:11

Does she think you put it up for the neighbourhood kids to enjoy?

You could fix up the swing so the seat can be removed when not in use.

AmytheDancingBrick · 23/04/2023 06:22

I surprised that so many people are happy for strangers to use their gardens.

Abacusporttaco · 23/04/2023 06:37

AmytheDancingBrick · 23/04/2023 06:22

I surprised that so many people are happy for strangers to use their gardens.

They’re not. They’d be silently fuming out of their living rooms windows. They’re happy for strangers to use other strangers’ gardens, because it gives them a chance to pretend they’re superior and enlightened and bash an OP, all at the same time.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/04/2023 06:53

Abacusporttaco · 23/04/2023 06:37

They’re not. They’d be silently fuming out of their living rooms windows. They’re happy for strangers to use other strangers’ gardens, because it gives them a chance to pretend they’re superior and enlightened and bash an OP, all at the same time.

Show quote history

Exactly. But I do love your story @nzeire

If it’s potentially upsetting your dog when you’re not there, I also think it’s a justifiable reason (if you feel you need one beyond “it’s my garden”).

Chuckydidit · 23/04/2023 06:55

Jeannie88 · 22/04/2023 20:35

Private property sign?

They may not speak English.

I suspect she’s not from this country. I’ve found that certain people will take advantage of everything around them as they may not have these opportunities where they’re from.

If you don’t want to say anything remove the swing when not in use.

DriedFlowersLiveForever · 23/04/2023 07:03

Just point the CF to the nearest park, the child can enjoy the slides then as well!

Buffypaws · 23/04/2023 07:16

My partner told someone to fuck off out of our front garden. They were having a shit. I’ve also caught a smug delivery man pissing by the garage.

Not sure what my point is. It could either be “could be worse” or “defend your property”

rainbowstardrops · 23/04/2023 07:29

She's definitely a CF! You don't just trespass onto someone else's property and use their belongings!!!

If it was a through road and they were on their way to the shops or whatever and the little one had a bit of a strop because they wanted to go on the swing then that's one thing (still not ok really) but to purposely come into the close to use your swing in your garden?!!! Nah.

On the plus side, you must have a lovely looking garden if she thinks it's a communal play park! Wink

Bogeyes · 23/04/2023 07:33

Get a bicycle lock and lock the rope to one of the uprights.

Marchitectmummy · 23/04/2023 07:34

Go out there and chat to her, see how you feel then. I am no way generous but often find my mind works overtime and I build up a dislike for something/ someone then talk to them and change my mind completely. Or you might talk to her and discover she is a massive CF and feel the answer is 100% no.

I suspect your upset is not so much the swing as the fact its yours and in your garden ans that's totally understandable and ok. The bit thats tricky for you is you are clearly generous as you let all tbe neighbours children use it.

pinachina · 23/04/2023 07:38

Wouldn't bother me. Her child's getting a little joy out of it, it's not hurting anyone; don't sweat it.

Wedoronron · 23/04/2023 07:39

I couldn't get worked up about this.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 23/04/2023 07:44

I wonder if all these people saying "it's just a toddler having fun!" would be saying the same if it was their kids' toys getting played with, and their garden getting trampled on by a bunch of strangers 🙄

No way would I be letting total strangers onto my property to use my kids' stuff 😬

PoseyFlump · 23/04/2023 07:57

I think we need a photo of the 'front garden' to see if it can be mistaken for public land. And if it can then why the reluctance to put up a small border?

AmytheDancingBrick · 23/04/2023 08:10

PoseyFlump · 23/04/2023 07:57

I think we need a photo of the 'front garden' to see if it can be mistaken for public land. And if it can then why the reluctance to put up a small border?

Why should the OP invest time and money is a small border when she can just simply ask them to stop?