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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this person a CF or AIBU?

189 replies

NewJobNervousNelly · 22/04/2023 17:25

I have a tree in my front garden that we have put a small swing in for DD6. My garden doesn't have a fence around it but it's quite clearly a private garden. Last week I WFH all week and my dog was going crazy Monday so I went downstairs and there was a woman pushing a child of about 3 on the swing - there's only 10 houses on our close and she definitely wasn't a neighbour but I thought she may have been visiting a neighbor so just left it. This then happened again on Tuesday and Wednesday but both times I was on a call so I couldnt go out but she saw me at the window on Tuesday and just smiled and carried on. I mentioned it to a neighbor and he said she comes in most days, walks in, plays on the swing and then walks back out of the close.

Is this woman a CF or AIBU asking her to sod off? It's not really doing any harm, other than setting my dog off barking but I just find it bizarre behaviour.

OP posts:
FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 23/04/2023 08:13

If the kid injures itself they could sue you for damages.

RoseMarigoldViolet · 23/04/2023 08:16

Be kind. Let the little child have a swing. It’s really no big deal.

Blueblell · 23/04/2023 08:18

I would let it go if it for a short period of time and your DD is at school while this is happening. I would hazard a guess this women is not from the UK and it might not be unusual behaviour for her.

Newuser82 · 23/04/2023 08:24

Bogeyes · 23/04/2023 07:33

Get a bicycle lock and lock the rope to one of the uprights.

That's an excellent idea!!

ginlovingqueen · 23/04/2023 08:26

It's kind of harmless isnt it?

ringyloopy · 23/04/2023 08:42

It's definitely cheeky but I also find it a bit endearing. The child must be having a lot of fun on the swing, no one's getting hurt and it seems like innocent fun to me.

But if it makes you uncomfortable, would suggest you talk to her and see if there's a back story.

Original poster
NewJobNervousNelly · 23/04/2023 08:47

I've not wanted to go into the fence option too much as I didn't want to offend anyone who has them but it seems I'm going to have to so that that idea is put to bed. As I've explained previously, my front garden is round so a standard fence wouldn't work but to be honest, I don't want a fence up anyway. I don't like the small divider type things, I think they look a bit cheap to be honest and they'll just be a trip hazard for the children. So the fence/partition idea is definitely a no go.

I've been speaking to my neighbour again this morning and he thinks she's English. He overheard her speaking to the child when they were walking out of the close once but obviously she could still be from somewhere that a quick play on someone else's property is the norm. He also mentioned she brought a dog once and let it off it's lead when she walked into the close and proceeded to let the dog poo on my other neighbours garden but I haven't seen the dog yet. It's as if she thinks it's a park but it is very very clearly residential.

I'm not worked up over it. My post was to sway my decision on how to handle it as I am sometimes known to over react - I have decided that I don't mind my neighbours/friends children playing on the swing but I'm just not overly keen on a stranger being here ... Especially not when it started whilst I wasn't home. I have a side gate into my back garden, she could have tried that for all I know.

Next time I see her, which will hopefully be before I return to the office, I'm going to just go out and ask if I can help her and explain it's a private garden. I'm not giving explanations about my dog, my insurance, MN's thoughts on immigrants - I'm just going to give the facts. I appreciate the point that it's one child and what harm is it doing but what's to stop her bringing people with her next time, for all I know there could be a planned picnic on my lawn next week! I'd rather nip it in the bud now.

There is a park less than 3 minutes from my house, I will direct her there.

OP posts:
Orangello · 23/04/2023 08:51

If she saw you and waved and you did nothing, she might as well assume she has your permission now. If she doesn't, tell her.

I also don't believe all the 'oh what's the harm' posters here for one second. Our garden is always full of kids, but only when they have been invited. Would not be amused to find randomers on the play equipment.

Original poster
NewJobNervousNelly · 23/04/2023 09:05

I had the phone to my ear and she smiled and I just looked a bit baffled and walked away from the window. I didn't feel I could make any 'shoo' hand gestures, she's a person, not a dog 😂I couldn't get away with ending the call as it was an important work call so had little other choice. Although she clearly wasn't waiting for my approval as she has been several times before she saw me. At first I thought she was a CF seeing my car gone and making the most of it but my car on the drive hasn't stopped her anyway!

I'm sure they'd offer their bathrooms if a stranger in their garden was caught short too! What's the harm is good and well, until there is harm done and I have a stranger knocking on my door to complain. Or they invite others with them and my close is no longer a small private area and becomes a public play ground that my neighbours will despise.

OP posts:
sherbertyellowteddy · 23/04/2023 09:05

I can't actually believe the amount of posters who think it's fine for this woman to just randomly go down a close and let her child play in someone's front garden 😳 I have a 3yo and it's not something I'd do, how cheeky. Even without a fence it's obviously quite clear from OPs description it's her front garden and not the local park!

marmaladeone · 23/04/2023 09:13

sherbertyellowteddy · 23/04/2023 09:05

I can't actually believe the amount of posters who think it's fine for this woman to just randomly go down a close and let her child play in someone's front garden 😳 I have a 3yo and it's not something I'd do, how cheeky. Even without a fence it's obviously quite clear from OPs description it's her front garden and not the local park!

Totally agree. As if all these people would be happy for random kids to play on their front yard. Bollocks.
OP - Go the bike lock.

Namechange666 · 23/04/2023 09:21

Why didn't you say something first time you saw her? She's going to think it's okay????

Namechange666 · 23/04/2023 09:22

sherbertyellowteddy · 23/04/2023 09:05

I can't actually believe the amount of posters who think it's fine for this woman to just randomly go down a close and let her child play in someone's front garden 😳 I have a 3yo and it's not something I'd do, how cheeky. Even without a fence it's obviously quite clear from OPs description it's her front garden and not the local park!

Yes that's really strange. Like it's normal behaviour to just go into people's gardens?

Redebs · 23/04/2023 09:37

landbeforegrime · 23/04/2023 04:11

I'm with the minority. there's no harm. the insurance issue is bs. same applies to the neighbourhood kids but that doesn't bother op so clearly not the issue. if it might break from a toddler using it I'd be far more worried about the older kids playing on it. if you don't want people to use it you should put up a fence. having a swing on display and easily accessible to anyone walking past is silly if this bothers you. no doubt her child sees it and wants to play on it. they are too young to understand why they can't and may have seen all the other children play on it. i would prefer they have a swing rather than spend the rest of their walk feeling sad and rejected. think it's cheap of op not to put up a fence but of course it's her perogative to exclude a toddler because it's private property.

This
It's no risk to you; it's costing you nothing. I would be pleased to have a little child enjoying it.

It's not like having kids playing football on an open plan front lawn, like my neighbours used to. The ball would often hit windows, or be kicked against my door.

Life is short. If it's not harming you and is making someone else's life better, then be glad and grateful you have a garden, a tree and a swing.

Just tell your dog to hush.

Redebs · 23/04/2023 09:38

OliveHenry · 23/04/2023 09:27

Reminds me of the guy in America with the little kid cycling on his driveway:

I absolutely love this.
This is how people are supposed to be.

MissMarplesbag · 23/04/2023 09:42

Can you put the swing in the back garden instead of the front garden?

TroysMammy · 23/04/2023 09:44

Swalewhale · 22/04/2023 18:35

She's not doing any harm though is she? Imagine she's a Ukrainian refugee, she doesn't realise it's your garden boundary, shes finally found a little safe place to walk to, her kid loves it there, and you lot want her to fuck off! Life is short, I say leave her be

Do you overthink everything? This is one of the most ridiculous replies I've read.

Blamunge · 23/04/2023 09:46

I wouldn’t bother confronting her when you can save yourself the hassle just by locking the swing with a bicycle chain.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/04/2023 09:47

CuriousMoo · 23/04/2023 03:07

Exactly this.

Can't believe you all are so against a child sharing a swing!

Show quote history

Are you happy for people to come into your house/garden uninvited, to play or use your facilities, @CuriousMoo?

pinkyredrose · 23/04/2023 09:51

Swalewhale · 22/04/2023 18:35

She's not doing any harm though is she? Imagine she's a Ukrainian refugee, she doesn't realise it's your garden boundary, shes finally found a little safe place to walk to, her kid loves it there, and you lot want her to fuck off! Life is short, I say leave her be

Oh please!

Daffodil92 · 23/04/2023 09:52

The dog barking would piss me off no end. And it’ll likely piss your neighbours off too. Id tell her it’s private property, it scares your dogs and she needs to stop.

bringincrazyback · 23/04/2023 09:54

RoseMarigoldViolet · 23/04/2023 08:16

Be kind. Let the little child have a swing. It’s really no big deal.

Until the child gets injured and OP potentially finds herself being sued.

Abacusporttaco · 23/04/2023 09:56

Namechange666 · 23/04/2023 09:21

Why didn't you say something first time you saw her? She's going to think it's okay????

Because, as she’s said a couple of times, she was on a work call.

Abacusporttaco · 23/04/2023 09:58

I don’t believe for one second the people having a go at the OP for not letting this ‘Ukrainian refugee who's finally found somewhere safe (😆)’ play on her private property, would be remotely happy to open their house to strangers.