Waking us everyday at 6.30 am

[Springinabundance]

We have guests staying for ten days, it’s actually my parents. They go to bed at 9pm and wake at 6.30. They’re in the spare room right next to our room.
My dad wakes and goes to one of the bathrooms very close and brushes his teeth, clears his throat etc.
Dd, 4, is completely overtired and very difficult 😩
She needs 11 hours sleep to be her normal self. I take her up to bed at 7, but with the lighter evenings, she sometimes doesn’t fall asleep until 8.30.
I’ve asked my mum if they could please try to keep quieter in the mornings as Dd needs her sleep etc. She said it’s hard to stay in bed if you’re awake and up (she’s very quiet though tbf)
I don’t know what the solution is here 🤷🏻‍♀️
Dh is exhausted too as Dd is sharing with us, so he often comes down to sleep on the sofa…my dad comes down at 6.30 to make a coffee and open the doors etc
Our usual wake up time during the week is 8ish and weekends a bit later.
Its been another 6.30 start today and already Dd is acting nuts!

Oh god this is reminiscent of holidays past when we tried to go away with inlaws or my mum. It just doesn't work so difficult because you think that having a massive guest house would stop them waking up the dc, nope! They still managed to do so.

We just stopped doing it

For the sake of a week:

cardboard boxes or foil or whatever is to hand on the windows. You can handle the crack den vibe for a week for the sake of sleep.

have you got a coffee machine? Can you set it up in parents’ room with some UHT and wrapped pastries and ask them to stay in there til 7.15 – 45 mins later for them, 45 mins early for you.

I sympathise: DD is a beast if she doesn’t get enough sleep, it makes life far harder than it needs to be.

Is there a reason your parents go to bed so early - could they go and hour later and then start their morning routine an hour later too?

I feel like you’re focussing on the 6.30am wake-up time, when actually what’s making you exhausted is having guests stay for a prolonged time! Guests, even parents, are exhausting - you feel like you have to make extra effort to be “on” all the time, making food/drinks, clearing up, planning and doing activities, and then you never fully relax as even in downtime you are chatting and having to focus on them, you can’t just stick in headphones and watch Netflix!
You’re all out of routine and tired, of course it’s making your DD act up.
No-one is insisting you get up at 6.30 though, why can’t you just laze in bed and read/chill until you’re ready to get up - it’s not sleep but you’d still be resting. And if DD has an hour of iPad or something to enable that then so be it!

I do however think you’re mad for agreeing to dinner out at 7pm. Can you change it to 6pm?

Keep your parents awake for an extra hour in the evening...

How long have they been there / how long have they got left?

I think having guests over is similar to being on holiday - you are going to be slightly out of your routine and get less sleep.

If it’s only been a couple of days then give it a couple more days and see how it goes.

It may be that it’s just excitement from DD which is affecting her sleep and so this should calm down once she’s used to being there.

If you’ve only got a couple of days to go then I’d see it through to the end.

I completely agree!!

Why can't you talk to your dad directly?

Your parents are selfish. When I’m staying with other people I take a pile of books to keep me occupied until they get up. I stopped sharing a room on holiday with my mother because she woke me at 7.30 in the morning as she got up at that time.

This!

Has your father always been so rude?

If you’ve a week left then they’ve only been with you for a few days. Your DD will probably be so tired from the few days early wake ups she’ll fall asleep quickly once the novelty of your room and grandparents wears off.

I would be annoyed too at being woken up early. Using the loo etc can’t be helped, but no need to go downstairs and open doors and make noise.

Send DD to hang out with grandad at 6.30am and your DH can go back to bed.

I wouldn’t take an already overtired child out for dinner at 7pm though! That sounds like it will go badly

Bloody hell. I wouldn't be allowing her in the house.

I have blackout curtains for this reason ( the lighter evenings) in babies room.
Not expecting you to go out and buy these just for the next few days but a trick we used at work in a factory with no blinds was if the sun was blinding us we'd put cardboard in the windows to block the light out. Could you do something similar?

Can you father use a different bathroom? Does he close all the doors when he goes to the kitchen to make his coffee etc? Does his walking also make noise?
I think there often is room for improvement but people need to talk about it and be willing to change things and that is often close to impossible with parents or fathers especially.

Its really hard when people wake you up and it does take a toll, I sympathise.

I dont understand why you haven't spoken to your dad about it? Hes the one making the noise yet you spoke to your mum? Confusing.

Just tell him "you are making too much noise in the morning and waking us all up can you please stop" OR...just put up with it because it's your parents and it's not for long?

You need to be firmer with your Dad, he is being selfish.

Needing a wee - nothing he can do about that, except get up quietly.

Cleaning teeth, going downstairs and opening doors, disturbing your DH - not on at all! There is absolutely no need for this - he can lie in bed and read a book until 8am when the rest of the house is ready to wake up.

How frustrating. It’s quite rude IMO to get up much earlier than the people you’re staying with, especially if it’s impacting on a child’s sleep and mood.
You need to tell your parents to stay in their room until 07:30 (as a compromise) and read a book/magazine/newspaper or do a crossword etc. Your dad doesn’t need to brush his teeth at 06:30 and wake everyone up.

In defence of your Dad, a lot of men of a certain age need to get up and wee. If he’s going for a wee, coughing, brushing his teeth, it’s a lot to expect him not to do that. He’s not exactly doing anything too disruptive, the poor bloke! And like others have said, I would say 6.30am is standard wake up time for a 4 year old.

I think you either need to cut their stay short or suck it up. Just remember next time to do a shorter visit.

Much sympathy. I am finding it difficult to get up earlier than in my usual routine because of the builder! Surprising how the time adjustments mess with your rhythms and make you tired.
And of course being a host is tiring of itself, as outlined upthread.

I wonder if you could pack the parents off for an afternoon walk or a brief explore on their own so that you could snooze on the sofa with your DD and catch up on sleep a bit?
If this were to become a daily thing, it might help.

I don’t think with a small child 6:30 is that unusual really.

As you are only 3 days in she could just be excited, and settled down today.

But you do seem to be upset and stressed though, could she be also picking up on your frustration?

I'm amazed your 4 year old will sleep so late, ours are up around 6.30 weekends included, i lie in until 8 would be lovely. I think you are being pretty precious, if you invite people to stay in your house you have to accept your routine is going to go out the window, you can't insist your parents sit in their bedroom fingers on lips for 2 hours until you decide to get up. If anything I'd say it's poor hosting laying around in bed and leaving your guests to sit there waiting for you to get up, even if they are your parents.

I thought that too.

How frustrating. It’s quite rude IMO to get up much earlier than the people you’re staying with

That's why we don't like staying with other people. We choose to stay in a hotel/airbnb. DH just can't lie in bed once he is awake. It's frustrating when you are wide awake, wanting a hot drink and you have to wait for your hosts to wake up.

Wow. I doubt your dad is intentionally making the noise. I don’t think the problem is your dad waking at 6.30am but the issue is your DD. You seem agitated about her sleep. Your parents are only with you for 10 days. Obviously having guests round disrupts your usual routine.

Why don’t you try and enjoy your time with your parents and try and calm DD by using other methods like iPad or going for a walk later in the day. She’s probably boisterous due to grandparents being around.