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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

26 year old son never seems to date

133 replies

JoDolce · 21/04/2023 19:18

I'm going to get flamed for this I know, but my 26 year old son never seems to date, I don't think he's ever had a date. He goes out with his mates, goes to the gym & park runs. He's a good looking lad & nice with it, maybe a bit shy.
He still lives with us for the simple reason he's saving for a deposit & doesn't want to rent. Pulls his weight around the house, so he's not an overgrown man chid still living at home.
I know it's none of my business but he's never had a girlfriend, never dates, never bought anyone back. Should I be worried about him in the future? He seems happy enough; but when the subject of young men still living at home with parents & never been in a relationship is brought up on mn a lot of women say its a red flag. He does want to move out & says he aims to be out in a couple of years. He'd never talk about why he doesn't date, & it's not my business anyway. I'd hate it if dating & relationships became more difficult as he gets older, if he ever does want to start. Is it really so much of a red flag these days?

OP posts:
BarbedButterfly · 21/04/2023 19:27

He may well be asexual or just not interested in a relationship

Heroicallyfound · 21/04/2023 19:29

He might be dating without you knowing?

BillyNoM8s · 21/04/2023 19:29

If he's not worried about it, then you don't need to worry about it.

Just leave him be.

Willma123 · 21/04/2023 19:30

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BishyBarnyBee · 21/04/2023 19:30

Could he be gay but not want to tell you?

KoalaPineapple · 21/04/2023 19:32

Don’t overthink it, he sounds fine to me.

RocketIceLollie · 21/04/2023 19:32

I suspect still living at home with mum and dad could be a factor. It's a bit of a turn off for a lot of woman. 26 is quite late to fly the nest.

Weallgottachangesometime · 21/04/2023 19:32

Have you ever asked him about it?
might be worth opening a conversation, but without making any assumptions.

possibly he has had relationships you don’t know about or as others hve said maybe he is asexual.

Coffeellama · 21/04/2023 19:33

Red flag for what OP? Maybe he dates in secret, or maybe he’s just happy as he is. Society saying you should get married and settle down doesn’t mean you are failing at life if you don’t. If he’s happy and healthy and making plans for his future then what do you have to worry about? Relax and leave him to it.

noeverrest · 21/04/2023 19:33

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😂

pickledandpuzzled · 21/04/2023 19:34

My lads are similar. One is career focussed, the other thinks relationships are far too much work and cramp your style.

pickledandpuzzled · 21/04/2023 19:35

I live in hope a strong willed young woman will notice them- both great company and attractive, solvent etc- and decide to have a try!

threeplusmum · 21/04/2023 19:36

My brother was like this, and isn't gay. I think some guys don't believe in 'shaggin' around and will wait until they meet someone worthwhile, society makes us think that all guys are sex mad. This isn't always the case.

Jifmicroliquid · 21/04/2023 19:36

Not everybody wants a partner. Perhaps he is happy as he is.

hairdresserbreakup · 21/04/2023 19:37

Maybe he's gay? Possibly asexual, although statistically less likely than gay I believe.

bunnyrabbitsandbutterflies · 21/04/2023 19:49

He sounds lovely.
Does he lack social skills? I suspect my eldest will be the same although he is only 14 at the moment. I just can't ever see him dating or living independently. I think I'd much prefer that for him though than multiple failed relationships / kids with multiple women.

TheMarzipanDildo · 21/04/2023 19:52

hairdresserbreakup · 21/04/2023 19:37

Maybe he's gay? Possibly asexual, although statistically less likely than gay I believe.

Yeah but then he’d be dating men? Assuming that OP isn’t a terrible homophobe!

Original poster
JoDolce · 21/04/2023 20:10

@Willma123 & @noeverrest you've lost me, I'm not seeing the joke there

@Coffeellama not really sure of why it would be a red flag of you're pulling your weight & saving for a house, but plenty of people in previous threads have said never being in a relationship would put them off

@Weallgottachangesometime yes I've gently broached the subject but he closes the conversation down straight away. If I persist then it turns into an argument

@TheMarzipanDildo no I'm not a homophobe

OP posts:
ellie09 · 21/04/2023 20:12

I wouldn't worry about it.

One of my exes was 30 when we first got together and I was the first girlfriend or love interest he had even so much as spoke about with his family, let alone meet.

Before meeting me he was happy enough meeting friends, playing games and saving up to buy a house (he owned a flat at the time).

Our relationship fizzled out after a year as he was more interested in his alone time and seeing his friends. And that's OK.

He was perfectly able to hold down a relationship, he just didn't want to. I find that with a lot of men these days. Women have a biological clock, men don't.

Hbh17 · 21/04/2023 20:13

FFS, it doesn't matter! He might date women. He might date men. He might be single for the rest of his life. He can do whatever he wants, and it's nobody's business.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 21/04/2023 20:14

I’m in my mid 30s and only had one relationship aged 21 and to be honest that was mostly because I felt I ought to be in one rather than because I wanted to. Im just not interested in sex or dating or all the things that come with it. I’m not sure if I’m asexual or not but I definitely don’t have the same drive as most people. I would have liked kids in the future but have kind of accepted that probably won’t be possible. I wouldn’t necessarilly say I’m happy with it all but I’m not completely unhappy either, it’s just the way I am I guess. Maybe your son is the same and just doesn’t have the drive most people seem to have to find a partner.

MissLucyLiu · 21/04/2023 20:16

He might be gay.

Have you tried to express your thots on this topic in the past that potentially why he might be hiding it from you?

My best friend she’s in her mid 30s and never ‘had a boyfriend’. Her mom keeps on asking me whenever I am over to see if I got the scoop. But u cannot tell her that her daughter is lesbian as it’s her choice when to come out to her parents.

But her parents has been conservative on this topic from her earliest of memories and now has build this unreasonable fear and mental block. She’s getting therapy now to see if she can overcome this.

what would help is to watch tv shows or having family conversations and slip in or two comments to how supportive you are of the LGBTQ community etc. maybe that will bring him out the shell.

User135644 · 21/04/2023 20:17

It can be hard for men nowadays to meet someone unless they're very outgoing and confident or very good looking. Dating apps are sausage fests and men approach less in public now, so it can be hard to know where to meet anyone.

PollyPeptide · 21/04/2023 20:18

Don't form your opinions based on MN! If men brush their teeth from left to right it's a red flag to some. 🙄

He's a nice young man who you're proud of. Nuff said.

neeor · 21/04/2023 20:19

He’s fine! Could be dating someone or might not want to at this point. I’m sure he will feel more able to after he’s moved out