26 year old son never seems to date

[JoDolce]

I'm going to get flamed for this I know, but my 26 year old son never seems to date, I don't think he's ever had a date. He goes out with his mates, goes to the gym & park runs. He's a good looking lad & nice with it, maybe a bit shy.
He still lives with us for the simple reason he's saving for a deposit & doesn't want to rent. Pulls his weight around the house, so he's not an overgrown man chid still living at home.
I know it's none of my business but he's never had a girlfriend, never dates, never bought anyone back. Should I be worried about him in the future? He seems happy enough; but when the subject of young men still living at home with parents & never been in a relationship is brought up on mn a lot of women say its a red flag. He does want to move out & says he aims to be out in a couple of years. He'd never talk about why he doesn't date, & it's not my business anyway. I'd hate it if dating & relationships became more difficult as he gets older, if he ever does want to start. Is it really so much of a red flag these days?

Jeez people. This isn't the 1950s. Gay men date.

My brother used to be like this. No one was sure if he was gay or just very shy or weird or asexual or what. One day he introduced us all to his (female) fiancée. They’ve been married over a decade and have two kids. Don’t worry about it- he may be dating, he may not. He’s only 26 x

Haha my parents knew of absolutely no one I was dating. There were many 😂 He’s probably the same. Either way does it matter?

He's a good looking lad & nice with it

What on earth does that mean OP???

Also, what red flags are your concerned about? 🤔

So he never had a girlfriend at junior school, or secondary school ?
Ever spoke about liking girls when much younger?

I honestly wouldn’t read too much into it or worry too much about it. There could be many reasons he doesn’t date and none of them are concerning.

If it’s any consolation, when I was dating around at his age, living with parents wouldn’t have put me off on its own. If it was clear they were saving for a deposit, worked hard and were driven this wouldn’t have bothered me, nor the lack of dating previously. So don’t worry about any of this and let him carry on happily.

My MIL thought the same about my now dh until he took me to meet her when he was 38yo. He’d had one brief gf before me but apart from that never dated.

Non of my sons ever told me their dates - until it got serious.
All in serious relationship now.
Youngest was 25.
But he did talk to me.
He said thought it would be 'nice' to have a steady girlfriend.
I wonder your ds is gay and struggling with it ..

@CC4712 I meant to say he's a nice lad personality wise, but forgot to change that bit

@itsmylife7 yes he had a gf briefly at secondary school, and he looked very comfortable with them in his prom photos. I was told by his mates on his first lads holiday to Ibiza that he'd pulled, I never asked & I think they wanted to enjoy the gossip with me lol
One of my friends daughters has told me he's on Tinder, but I'm pretty sure he's just out with mates. His going out pattern does not suggest a gf is there in the background

Have you explained to him that someone can only be happy and have a fulfilling life if they have a partner, preferably one of the opposite sex? Clearly he's been poorly brought up if he thinks he can be happy on his own...

Alternatively, read one of the threads on here about adult children bringing back a string of one night stands for loud and lengthy sex, and count your blessings...

I never mentioned or introduced any boyfriends to my parents until I was 32. I'm married to him now 🤣

Also living at home at 26 while saving for a house is absolutely not a red flag. Mumsnet is weird about that

Not everyone is interested in dating in their twenties.

I met DH when he was 31 and he'd only had one serious relationship beforehand. He also lived at home until he was able to save enough for a deposit in his late twenties.

No red flags here. He spent his twenties hanging out with his mates, doing lots of sports and hanging out at the beach or down the pub. He's excellent with money, does is share round the house and, like me, values his alone time.

Safe bet he's gay

Maybe he's just a very private person then.
as long as he's happy stop worrying 😃

It sounds like he’s probably very shy and doesn’t really know what to do. I feel like it’s more common these days.
If he’s shut you don’t I don’t think you can do much about it. Did you say he sees friends? Are any of them in relationships? I can guarantee there is probably more going on than you think. If he has a good friendship group and seems happy I’d leave him be.

@coffeecupsandwaxmelts yes that's exactly how he is, just mates, work & sports, maybe I shouldn't worry so much

@itsmylife7 yes he is quite private, doesn't like to talk about dead personal stuff with us parents. Mind you, if my parents had known what I kept from them in my younger days they would be surprised, if not a bit shocked. He's always come to us if he's had a problem so even though he's a private person I can tell if he's happy or not. Right now he seems to be happy, apart from still living with us.

@BiscuitLover3678 yes his three "best" friends are in relationships

This is so sad to read, how closed minded some of these replies are, just leave him be. As if life isn't stressful enough without all these "follow the crowd" expectations, maybe he thinks dating is overrated, something most women on here can't quite grasp.
There is so much more to life than dating, being in a relationship, thank goodness because judging by this forum reading the relationship posts alone is enough to put you off for life.
Not everyone wants to be tethered or shackled to another, or go down the same aimless route. Some are strong enough to fly solo, wild and free.

I wouldn’t read anything into it and I wouldn’t bother him about it, unless he appears to be unhappy. I didn’t share my dating life with my parents whatsoever, until I introduced them to the man I knew would become serious (and indeed it did, we married!). Don’t sweat it.

Once he buys his own place he'll have woman getting interested and then that'll be the next concern.

Have you asked him if he's interested in girls or boys and told him that you just want him to be happy and respect his choices? He could have a boyfriend.

@Summerfun54321 yes to all of that, but he shuts it down straight away & gets cross if I persist. He has come to us when he was very unhappy about something so I think he must be happy in himself for now. He's about to take a new direction career wise & that is always at the forefront of his mind at the moment. Maybe I am stuck in the old days

26 for a man isn't too bad. My husband was 26 before he decided that he actually did want a wife and family. There's no rush.

It all depends on what your son actually wants. The family life doesn't appeal to lots of young men.

He shuts it down.... yet you "persist". No wonder he gets cross.
It is none of your business, you are not owed grandchildren.

He might be dating but if it doesn't turn into anything serious, I'm not sure why he would tell you. I wouldn't tell my parents if I was going on dates.

But either way, it doesn't matter. If he more bothered about saving for a house etc before anything else then it's a good thing I suppose. At least he's not sitting around doing nothing.