To not “lend” this money to my friend?

[Moneyfriend]

So little back story, I’ve been friends with my friend for 20 years, we’ve seen each other through a lot of things and I do value her friendship.

Recently I won 10,000- not an insignificant amount to me and I haven’t spent it yet. I did plan and probably would’ve given my friend some (I’m not sure exactly how much, but I don’t mind treating friend and usually do to lunch, cinema etc as she’s on slightly lower income than I am)

Anyway, mentioned my win to friend and within around an hour she asked if she could “borrow “ 1000 for her and her bf and her DS8 to go on holiday as they’ve not had one in two years. I don’t think she could pay it back and even so I probably wouldn’t expect her too.

I wouldn’t exactly mind giving friend this amount, it’s just her BF. He’s a new BF, around 4 months and is in my opinion an absolute loser. He’s late 40’s, never kept a job longer than a few months, can’t drive so has DF ferry him about everywhere, has a DC but has never made any effort to meet them and abandoned their mum- moved in with my DF and now she waits on him hand and foot, while he plays PlayStation all day on his arse! and DF is continually defending him saying “oh well he’s just never settled in one job, or he’s been through a lot” so we’ve agreed to disagree now when she asks my opinion of him.

I know I’m going to come across horrible, but I don’t want to give this sponger BF money to go on holiday, but I know I can’t give to my friend with strings attached either and I would like her and her son to have a holiday! Agh!

She's on what is only a slightly lower income and you treat her regularly? That's quite generous already. If I were your friend I would have a problem accepting this from you.

If I won 10k it would be gone in a second, some saved and some spent and there wouldn't be leftovers to treat anyone else on a holiday! If I won it whilst with my friend I would definitely treat them to a nice meal or something. If you were going to give her that money anyway for a holiday then I wouldn't necessarily not give it now though you could say I was going to ask you and DS to come on holiday with me to x my treat instead. The cost difference of having the boyfriend on the holiday for her might not be much though I absolutely see why you would resent him benefitting from your funds.

I don't like that she's asked it as a loan as I doubt very much any desire or ability to repay it.

Just tell her you have used it to pay off some outstanding finance.
It's not your job to treat her and her son.

Has cf been in contact again regarding the money?

Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
For loan oft loses both itself and friend... (Hamlet)

@Moneyfriend I'm not being funny but you've started an AIBU thread, posted three times initially, had a ton of replies and not even bothered to come back and respond. Presumably you caved in and gave your friend the money and now you're too embarrassed to come back and update?

No, no money has exchanged hands. I did however have a family bereavement and that’s been holding a lot of my thought processes this week.

Sorry for your loss.

Sorry to hear about the bereavement.

Can I suggest in response to your original dilemma that you book a holiday for you and your friend without her new BF?

Honestly, it's not a million. If anything offer a gift of 500 if she really is a good friend. Tell her the rest is going towards bills. No further explanation or discussion. Your one and only obligation is to yourself.

Honestly, stop spending other people’s money for them. £500 may not be much for you but for OP it may be.

ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE

You should give her the 10000 and add another 10000 just because she is a friend

Well no you shouldn't really but experience on here tells me there will be someone on here who thinks it

Seriously though just say no!!!!

Yeah

£1000 might not be enough for a holiday and she will be asking for more.

The fact that £10k is not an "insignificant amount" suggests that you are not as wealthy as your largesse implies.
Do t just tell your friend you've invested the money in a 5 year ISA, actually do it. If you fritter it away, you'll kick yourself in years to come.
I would stop "treating" my friend. She isn't your teenage sister. It's patronising.

This.

No way. “Sorry, I have the money earmarked for other things already.”

So sorry for your loss. As other posters have suggested, why not offer to go away for a weekend together as a treat if you really feel like treating her and her son and given your loss this may be nice for all of you

Please save or invest the rest. It sounds like you could do with a small nest egg to cushion you from any future problems (eg car goes caput or you have some health problems and can't work) . 10k is enough to have a treat and put some aside but isn't so large that you can afford to give away a lot

A holiday is not actually a necessity. Not going abroad for 2 years isn't really a hardship.

You already treat her cos shes on slightly less income, how much is slightly less? Are you actually better off?

I can't imagine being that well off that giving away a grand would be like giving away a tenner. I think u r letting urself be taken the piss out of, you'd have given her a grand if it was just her n her son without a seconds thought.

I’m staggered at the number of people who don’t know the meaning of the word lend.

Or ‘zombie thread’.

This was over months ago...

I know this is a couple of months old, but did you lend this friend the money @Moneyfriend

I know this is a couple of months old, but did you lend this friend the money @Moneyfriend ?