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Original poster

To not “lend” this money to my friend?

326 replies

Moneyfriend · 21/04/2023 15:14

So little back story, I’ve been friends with my friend for 20 years, we’ve seen each other through a lot of things and I do value her friendship.

Recently I won 10,000- not an insignificant amount to me and I haven’t spent it yet. I did plan and probably would’ve given my friend some (I’m not sure exactly how much, but I don’t mind treating friend and usually do to lunch, cinema etc as she’s on slightly lower income than I am)

Anyway, mentioned my win to friend and within around an hour she asked if she could “borrow “ 1000 for her and her bf and her DS8 to go on holiday as they’ve not had one in two years. I don’t think she could pay it back and even so I probably wouldn’t expect her too.

I wouldn’t exactly mind giving friend this amount, it’s just her BF. He’s a new BF, around 4 months and is in my opinion an absolute loser. He’s late 40’s, never kept a job longer than a few months, can’t drive so has DF ferry him about everywhere, has a DC but has never made any effort to meet them and abandoned their mum- moved in with my DF and now she waits on him hand and foot, while he plays PlayStation all day on his arse! and DF is continually defending him saying “oh well he’s just never settled in one job, or he’s been through a lot” so we’ve agreed to disagree now when she asks my opinion of him.

I know I’m going to come across horrible, but I don’t want to give this sponger BF money to go on holiday, but I know I can’t give to my friend with strings attached either and I would like her and her son to have a holiday! Agh!

OP posts:
Pupinski · 22/04/2023 19:23

Agreeable · 21/04/2023 15:17

DS8?

wtf.

??

GoodChat · 22/04/2023 19:23

@Clarabell77 depends if you're already in the UK but if you are pretty much anywhere.

Georkkardnoir · 22/04/2023 19:31

Hasn’t had a holiday in 2 years 😂Blimey the entitlement of some people. I genuinely wonder where all the brass necks are coming from recently. I could understand if it was for debt that was making it hard for them to live, or unexpected bills - but to ask a mate for 1k for a holiday (regardless of where the money came from) is shocking to me! It is of my opinion that if you gave them
it, it would only reinforce her BFs entitlement of sponging off other people!

PaulR355 · 22/04/2023 20:27

She "needs"£1000. Give her £500 and say you are sure that he will findtherest.

PinkFootstool · 22/04/2023 20:34

PaulR355 · 22/04/2023 20:27

She "needs"£1000. Give her £500 and say you are sure that he will findtherest.

Sod that, what entitlement is there to £500?!!

Ukrainebaby23 · 22/04/2023 21:09

Just no.

ITryHarder · 22/04/2023 21:53

Your DF is an idiot... a new-age desperate female idiot. So many females today will settle for a loser just so they can have a man. She moves in a useless man who at 41 can't hold a job and plays all day. If she asks him to contribute financially to the household, he'd probably move out as quickly as he moved in and find a more accommodating piece of a__ among all those fish in the sea.

That said, be honest with her. Tell her that you love her and her son, but cannot bring yourself to finance his lazy uselessness. Giving her the money to have a holiday with him is not helping her. It's encouraging their relationship which may be her business, but you don't have to and shouldn't participate.

And in all honesty, she has got some nerve even asking for the money. No shame, tsk, tsk!

ChellyT · 23/04/2023 01:12

The only worth saving advice my father ever gave me was 'Never lend what you can't afford to give' Always keep in mind that you may never get this money back and make your decision from there.

Your generous offer to take them out for the day is more than enough too

JMSA · 23/04/2023 01:26

In the words of the Grange Hill song, just say no!

Northernsouloldies · 23/04/2023 01:31

JMSA · 23/04/2023 01:26

In the words of the Grange Hill song, just say no!

Exactly. A Grand isn't like a could you lend me £50 till the end of the month. Op wouldn't see her money again that's a cert.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 23/04/2023 01:57

'Sorry, already have big plans for most of the money. Happy to take you and DS out for the day though with what's left!'

IDontWantToBeAPie · 23/04/2023 01:58

Or if you want to be honest 'you know how I feel about X. Happy to go away for the weekend with you and DS though - my treat'

Matchymatchylemonscratchy · 23/04/2023 02:11

True friends don’t behave like your “friend” has. Of course the answer is no. I’d be reconsidering the friendship to be honest.

ConsuelaHammock · 23/04/2023 02:37

Tell her you’ve put it in a Santander isa to get 4.15% interest in a year . And then do it.

Northernsouloldies · 23/04/2023 03:15

Matchymatchylemonscratchy · 23/04/2023 02:11

True friends don’t behave like your “friend” has. Of course the answer is no. I’d be reconsidering the friendship to be honest.

I agree, the gall of asking for a lend of a grand for a holiday and once said holiday was past there would be no incentive to pay it back. Nor would I lend smaller amounts once the trickle starts it wouldn't stop. I'd definitely re evaluate this friendship.

Phoebo · 23/04/2023 03:52

Don't lend it unless you don't expect to get it back. Either way this might be the end of your friendship. You were dumb to tell her about it. 10k is not much in the scheme of things so she's unreasonable to want some.

AllIeveknewonlyou · 23/04/2023 04:27

There's a past history of you buying things for her so she expects this £1k...for her, her new boyfriend and son. So in effect you'd be giving it for him mainly as he doesn't work and is a scrounger. Don't.

Are you OK, @Moneyfriend?

extrasushiplease · 23/04/2023 04:33

She's expecting 10% of your winnings to take someone she knows you don't like (and that she's in a very new relationship with) just because? Cheeky, and it shouldn't be encouraged. It's great that you're generous, but I'd recommend getting her a deluxe spa day alone and a fun activity for her son that day. That's reasonable and still generous.

Polkadotpjs · 23/04/2023 05:01

Beamur · 21/04/2023 15:20

That's really cheeky of her to ask.
Tell her you've locked it into a savings account and can't access it until next year while you decide what to do with it.

This -definitely

custardbear · 23/04/2023 06:40

NoSquirrels · 21/04/2023 15:18

Honestly your ‘friend’ is a CF to ask for £1,000. Who does that?

Offer to have a weekend away with her and her DC. Do not invite her loser boyfriend.

This!

PoseyFlump · 23/04/2023 08:01

extrasushiplease · 23/04/2023 04:33

She's expecting 10% of your winnings to take someone she knows you don't like (and that she's in a very new relationship with) just because? Cheeky, and it shouldn't be encouraged. It's great that you're generous, but I'd recommend getting her a deluxe spa day alone and a fun activity for her son that day. That's reasonable and still generous.

I'm not sure I'd even want to pay for a spa day after this cheeky request.

JustAnotherUsey · 23/04/2023 08:36

Say you had over 10k debt so it's all gone on that.

Biker47 · 23/04/2023 08:42

Fuck that, I wouldn't even lie and say it was locked away, I'd just say that's not going to work and the money is earmarked for other things or already spent. I'd then point her in the direction of a credit card application, even someone with lowish credit rating should still be able to get a grand limit on a credit card with something like 12 months interest free.

caringcarer · 23/04/2023 09:26

Just say no.

ThisBitchIsBack · 23/04/2023 09:45

NoSquirrels · 21/04/2023 15:18

Honestly your ‘friend’ is a CF to ask for £1,000. Who does that?

Offer to have a weekend away with her and her DC. Do not invite her loser boyfriend.

Exactly this