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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New job and one car who do you think should have it?

226 replies

Saltandpepperchipss · 21/04/2023 12:27

I’ll start by pointing out that we are absolutely skint as in no savings left otherwise we would buy a car. We’ve finally moved in to our house and everything has pretty much gone on renovations.

My new job is 40 mins away I will be working 9-5 at the start then eventually mostly hybrid.

DH will be with the kids until I get back so he will do all school runs and then will be with DS at home during day.

Kids school is across the road so he will be walking them to and from school.

His argument is that he will be stuck in the house all day with DS and refuses to use Ubers etc.

I can get the train and a bus but it’s just such a long day and it means il be home in time for DH to go to work. Otherwise he was planning on changing his hours.

AIBU to think I should have use of the car? And going shopping and visiting friends isn’t essential. He goes out a lot with his brother in the week and BIL has his own car.

OP posts:
Thelittlekingdom · 21/04/2023 14:51

He sounds a bit of a knob. We used to live in a city and my husband worked across the other side of the city so would take the car. I had two kids within a year and we’d walk/buggy for the kids everywhere (one had Sen). Presumably he could car share with you to make things a bit simpler. Or if you’ve got a costly car sell to buy two cheaper ones.

TrashyPanda · 21/04/2023 14:54

Of course you get the car for your commute

the school is handy and so is the bus stop. He’s just being lazy and/or snobby about public transport.

bet there is no way he would consider leaving the car at home for you when he goes out to work!

it’s selfish and demeaning of him to minimise your commute.

Dishwashy · 21/04/2023 14:54

It's very hard work being married to someone who won't compromise.

Normally I would think if he wants the car, he gets up and drops you at the station, that's up to him. Taking a few days each sounds fair - he gets a bit of a lie in and you get a shorter day when you have the car. But he seems to think public transport is beneath him whereas it's fine for you, and that is all sorts of selfish, disrespectful and wrong.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/04/2023 14:54

Freefall212 · 21/04/2023 14:30

She can uber to the station - not reasonable to expect SAHP to get 3 children up to drive dad / mom to the station early in the am.

Show quote history

So they're spending 5xX every morning on a taxi, plus for any days the trains late and she'll be home too late for him to (drive) to work, just so he doesn't have to walk somewhere or use the public transport that's only good enough for his wife?

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/04/2023 14:58

Bluebells1970 · 21/04/2023 13:14

Does he use the car when he goes to work?

This is a very good question. I bet he does. So you get the car. Do not back down op. You don’t want to sabotage your new job by this childish behaviour. Whose car is it btw?

Sisisimone · 21/04/2023 15:02

You don't need to ask really do you? Your husband sounds an absolute cock. Don't even indulge the 'I'm not getting public transport, I'm not a peasant' bullshit. He's just being awkward and lazy. If he wants to get out if the house he can go for a walk, get the bus or be ferried round by his bil as usual.

Ridiculous that he expects you to add hours on your commute messing around with trains and buses especially when it is only temporary.

I wouldn't even indulge the arseholery and would just take the car. You can ponder how you ended up married to such a cockwomble on the 40 min drive to work 😊

JaninaDuszejko · 21/04/2023 15:09
  1. If he gets the car during the day you get it in the evening (in case a child gets sick and you need to go to hospital in the evening, you can't walk with all 3DC in the dark) and he takes public transport to his work. Or vice versa.
  2. Work out how much extra you will have to pay for the train and bus every day vs driving a car you have already. Money might convince him if common sense doesn't.
  3. Ask what his plan is if your train is cancelled or delayed and you're nothome in time forhis shift at work?
KatieKline · 21/04/2023 15:09

Haven't read all of the replies. We are a one car family, I did go to the office 5 days a week - until Lockdown, and DH home educates our 3 boys. He would have the car all week and I would get the train. I would rather of him had the car in case he needed to take the boys anywhere in an emergency. Which he did at one point have to take the youngest to A&E with a suspected broken leg. Plus its a pain with small children taking them on public transport.

Jux · 21/04/2023 15:14

As the bus stop is across the road, he can catch one easily whether he decides to do so or not. It's an adventure for ds and good for your kids to learn how to use pb trans anyway.

Take the car 3 days a week. Can you walk to the station on the other 2 days?

You all need to think about how to manage should the car break down or need maintenance which takes it off the road.

BashirWithTheGoodBeard · 21/04/2023 15:14

SleepingStandingUp · 21/04/2023 14:54

So they're spending 5xX every morning on a taxi, plus for any days the trains late and she'll be home too late for him to (drive) to work, just so he doesn't have to walk somewhere or use the public transport that's only good enough for his wife?

Show quote history

Definitely sounds like a viable financial decision for a family who are skint.

BotherhoodOfMan · 21/04/2023 15:20

So he works in the evening, and he presumably takes the car (unless it's walking distance?), leaving you at home all evening without a car. And yet he moans about being at home all day without the car, even though he doesn't actually need it.

It seems obvious to me that you should get the car as it's probably cheaper than using train/bus etc. If he was less of a dick I'd say that maybe you take turns, or he gets it 2 days a week. However he is a dick. The other option is he gets a better job and buys a second car. The other other option is that he becomes less of a dick and considers others.

Freefall212 · 21/04/2023 15:23

BashirWithTheGoodBeard · 21/04/2023 15:14

Definitely sounds like a viable financial decision for a family who are skint.

Show quote history

There is a convenient bus stop right outside the door so she can bus to the train station.

Turnthelightoff · 21/04/2023 15:28

Share but on one of your days on the train do an online food shop and meal plan. It’s one less reason for you to need it and be able to let DH and the kids have it if you don’t need it for the food shop.

JackiePlace · 21/04/2023 15:34

You take the car on food shopping days, otherwise leave it at home.
Or he can drive you to work and you get the train home?

BashirWithTheGoodBeard · 21/04/2023 15:36

Freefall212 · 21/04/2023 15:23

There is a convenient bus stop right outside the door so she can bus to the train station.

Show quote history

OP hasn't said whether any bus from that stop goes to the station, much less whether there'd be one to get her there in time for the train.

Regardless, the suggestion of her ubering daily so he can continue to have full access to the car is silly when she's said they're skint.

MMMarmite · 21/04/2023 15:50

Share it half and half.

Could you do a mix of train and bike on your car free days?

Freefall212 · 21/04/2023 15:53

BashirWithTheGoodBeard · 21/04/2023 15:36

OP hasn't said whether any bus from that stop goes to the station, much less whether there'd be one to get her there in time for the train.

Regardless, the suggestion of her ubering daily so he can continue to have full access to the car is silly when she's said they're skint.

Show quote history

I only mentioned Uber as OP had mentioned it as an option for her husband so it seems she sees Uber as a viable option within their finances.

We also don't know if the bus goes directly to whereever the DH and child need to go yet that hasn't stopped posters from saying that taking the bus is a breeze and he can do everything he wants and needs to do easily on the bus.

Original poster
Saltandpepperchipss · 21/04/2023 15:54

He works three evenings a week part time 2 week days and 1 weekend. Usually 6-11 however I said I wouldn’t be back in time to switch over so he’s changing his hours 7-12. But yes usually he takes the car on the evening.

OP posts:
Devoutspoken · 21/04/2023 16:10

Has he ever said why exactly he won't get on a bus

TheCatterall · 21/04/2023 16:11

His attitude is ridiculous. I’d just take the car. Offer him a shared week with its use split between you all. Or he can drive you to work then he has the car for the day. There are several options but his absolute refusal to use public transport is childish.

sylvandweller · 21/04/2023 16:14

And why is cycling such a terrible idea?

longtompot · 21/04/2023 16:20

It depends on how long the bus outside takes to get to town.
Is it one you could use for getting to the station?
If it is, maybe for a short while you could take it, or for the short while he could take it. It just depends on the answer to my question above really.

NameChangingIsMySuperPower · 21/04/2023 16:29

Saltandpepperchipss · 21/04/2023 13:52

@Devoutspoken 🤣🤣🤣

I have just brought it up to him again and same response “ I drive cars not get on buses”

I’m happy to share but don’t think that will happen.

I'd reply, 'I drive cars, not get on busses and trains!'

Devoutspoken · 21/04/2023 16:30

Sylvand - He's probably against all sustainable forms of transport

Boomboom22 · 21/04/2023 16:36

Clearly you should have the car! I'm assuming if the primary school is walkable there is also a park walkable. If he wants shopping he can get the local bus to town. Surely he can see it's not good for the kids to be ready at 7.30 just so he can have the car all day with a 1 Yr old.