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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take newborn to large family gathering

150 replies

Ginnyfromtheblock · 21/04/2023 00:31

Tomorrow is my grandfather's 90th birthday celebration. I'm a FTM and I have a 4 week old newborn. It will be at my parents house and there's going to be about 30 people and then guests coming in and out all weekend. I am supposed to stay the weekend. AIBU to have doubts about going/ staying the weekend?

Just nervous about baby being passed around lots and people touching her face and kissing her I've already been accused of being too cautious/anxious.

OP posts:
StaySpicy · 21/04/2023 00:34

Well, I took month-old DS to my grandfather's funeral and he was passed around. Wasn't the only tiny baby there either. But you have to do what's comfortable for you.

DonnaRix · 21/04/2023 00:38

Life doesn’t have to stop.

If you had older children you’d have no real option but to take the baby wherever you needed to go.

They are much sturdier and more robust than they look

KingJulien · 21/04/2023 00:40

We’ll, I took my NB son out to a much smaller family event and he ended up in hospital for five nights and scar tissue on his lungs. Not worth it IMO.

Mosaic123 · 21/04/2023 00:40

Ask them to wash their hands before they pick her up but ideally have her lying down in a pram and you can wheel it away if things get too intense

Original poster
Ginnyfromtheblock · 21/04/2023 00:43

KingJulien · 21/04/2023 00:40

We’ll, I took my NB son out to a much smaller family event and he ended up in hospital for five nights and scar tissue on his lungs. Not worth it IMO.

Oh my goodness, that is terrifying

OP posts:
PepeParapluie · 21/04/2023 00:47

If you put baby in a carrier or sling, then you have an easy way to say no to people holding her, as she may just sleep on you? Hopefully people would keep a bit more of a natural distance as it’d be weird to get super close to you. We told family no kissing our baby when she was newborn because of RSV risk etc and people understood. My cousin also attended a funeral with her baby when she was only a couple of days old, and just held her herself. No one pestered her to hold the baby at all. If you don’t offer, people may not be bold enough to ask, but you know the crowd best!

Original poster
Ginnyfromtheblock · 21/04/2023 00:53

This crowd is really quite persistent and full of women who have been giving me all sorts of unsolicited advice and wanted to change baby's nappy/hold the baby/thinking not kissing is over the top etc

OP posts:
Murdoch1949 · 21/04/2023 02:53

The advice about having baby in a pram or sling is good. The whole weekend may be difficult!

Bloopsie · 21/04/2023 02:56

Could you do a brief visit and have baby in the baby carrier? Otherwise i wouldnt go if baby is not in the carriers theres going to be a mega pressure to pass him around

Bloopsie · 21/04/2023 02:57

DonnaRix · 21/04/2023 00:38

Life doesn’t have to stop.

If you had older children you’d have no real option but to take the baby wherever you needed to go.

They are much sturdier and more robust than they look

They are not at all, high risk of complications from virak
illnesses, even herpes
can be fatal- and older generation lives to kiss babies and put their fingers on the cheeks et

squidgem · 21/04/2023 03:07

I think you should go, it sounds like a lovely family gathering.

If possible have the baby in a sling, it will help you to avoid requests to hold the baby that you may not feel comfortable with.

Will you have your own room, is there somewhere you can go for a bit of privacy/quiet time if it's getting too much? If not, is staying in a hotel an option? Then you have space if you need it.

Potplant19 · 21/04/2023 03:09

I'd go for a short time rather than a whole weekend.

That being said I don't think your fears are unfounded - I took my 3 week old to a much smaller family gathering and she caught RSV, developed Strep A and we had a week in hospital as a result.

Follow your gut and if you're uncomfortable maybe arrange a calmer time to visit.

emptythelitterbox · 21/04/2023 03:27

I wouldn't do it. Too much risk of catching something. Virus, herpes from people slobbering on the baby, etc.

Binfluencer · 21/04/2023 04:31

Wouldn't occur to me to worry about this. Babies have immune systems that need practice! What age are they considered safe for company??)(?

Nuevabegin · 21/04/2023 04:33

Do you breastfeed? Obviously it isn’t a complete fail safe but breast milk is full of antibodies and protects the baby against viruses and adjusts itself if the mother comes into contact or gets a virus. Also I’d put the baby in a sling. My babies when breastfed were almost never ill.

Stripycatz · 21/04/2023 04:51

Listen to your gut. At 4 weeks I was still in pyjamas, in my baby bubble, and refusing most visitors. It was lovely.
There'll be plenty more events to go to when you're ready.

YearoftheRabbit23 · 21/04/2023 04:56

Follow your gut. If you're worried about baby catching something, can you spend most of your time outdoors/in the garden and have the windows wide open inside for ventilation (this will benefit everyone by reducing risk of infection, not just baby). Also wear your baby in a sling, that way others can't pass him around.

And don't be afraid to speak out. Covid and other respiratory diseases are no good in a newborn let alone older kids, so be firm that you don't want others to hold him/kiss him.

Or don't go at all. Whatever will make you most comfortable and keep baby safest.

Lowfi2023 · 21/04/2023 04:56

Completely reasonable to feel anxious.
Put baby in a sling! Everyone will see you and the baby but nobody will have to touch/hold etc

catinboooots · 21/04/2023 04:59

Is he liable to explode?

YearoftheRabbit23 · 21/04/2023 05:04

@Binfluencer you are confusing exposure to dirt with exposure to airborne viruses. There is no benefit to a newborn (or older child for that matter) getting a respiratory infection, that's why we vaccinate against so many things. There is no long lasting immunity to covid or flu or RSV. A newborn is much more likely to end up in hospital from infection due to their respiratory tracts being undeveloped.

Also, a respiratory tract infection as a baby can affect you for life. See this Lancet study: LRTI (Lower Respiratory Tract Infections) during early childhood was associated with almost a two times increased risk of premature adult death from respiratory disease.

https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(23)00131-9/fulltext#.ZAitFlai7dh.twitter

This is why we should be doing more not less to avoid infections through ventilation, air filtration, and masking when sick.

Sallyh87 · 21/04/2023 05:26

I wouldn’t bring my new horn at four weeks. Party due to the health stuff but mostly because transporting and having a new born at an event seems like a lot of work and really unpleasant to me!

ChristmasJumpers · 21/04/2023 05:35

I recently took my 4 week old to a family members all day birthday party. A few people held her but only the same people that had been to meet her already. No harm done but if you're uncomfortable with the idea then you might be better giving it a miss as you won't be able to enjoy it if you're being pressured to pass the baby around

Ilovetea42 · 21/04/2023 05:44

I brought baby to a family Christmas event when he was 4 weeks old. I wore him in a sling the entire time and just said he'd been fussy so I didn't need to pass him around. Each to their own but I just felt that would be a lot of stimulation for a tiny baby. They're your child not a doll so you do what you feel is best. If anyone complains you're too anxious I'd suggest it's because they want to meet their own needs to snuggle a cute baby over the baby's need to be with mummy.

Wingingit11 · 21/04/2023 05:51

I would totally go.
If you need to say no to baby being passed around do that (perhaps say to your direct family before you want to limit and they can support you in the message at the event? )
how lovely it will be for your GF to have his next generation there at such an important even for him. I think you’d possibly regret not going with appropriate measures in a few years

Coffeaddict · 21/04/2023 05:55

YearoftheRabbit23 · 21/04/2023 05:04

@Binfluencer you are confusing exposure to dirt with exposure to airborne viruses. There is no benefit to a newborn (or older child for that matter) getting a respiratory infection, that's why we vaccinate against so many things. There is no long lasting immunity to covid or flu or RSV. A newborn is much more likely to end up in hospital from infection due to their respiratory tracts being undeveloped.

Also, a respiratory tract infection as a baby can affect you for life. See this Lancet study: LRTI (Lower Respiratory Tract Infections) during early childhood was associated with almost a two times increased risk of premature adult death from respiratory disease.

https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(23)00131-9/fulltext#.ZAitFlai7dh.twitter

This is why we should be doing more not less to avoid infections through ventilation, air filtration, and masking when sick.

That studies inclusion criteria was a lower respiratory tract infection within the first 2 years of life so unless you and your partner plan on living in a complete bubble for that time frame.....
Also the increase in disease like strep a have been attributed at least partly to lockdowns and children not being exposed to common viruses so living in a bubble is not something to be advised.

Just out of curiosity when did you first take your baby out of the house? You realise you can catch most of the disease you mention from someone coughing near you in sainsburys. Even if you don't take the baby out the same applies to you or your partner contracting the disease.

OP I took my 6 week old to a 2 day wedding and it was great to see family and show him off. If your not feeling up to it don't go but I loved seeing family. As others mentioned a sling is a good idea if you don't want to pass him around

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