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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mumsnet is toxic

152 replies

Teapot1990 · 20/04/2023 22:23

Is it just me who feels like mumsnet is full of people trying to shame others and show off about themselves? I rarely feel good about the things I read on here and think it's almost as bad as social media.

OP posts:
sonearly · 22/04/2023 00:08

For me it is the people who are quick to try and suggest the destruction of other people's marriages and families at the most innocuous things. It is ghoulish, poisonous and repulsive and because it comes at a time when people are at their most tender and vulnerable I think it often has life changing and life long effects on posters and their families that these people don't give a single shit about. Then in almost the same breath the SAME BLOODY PEOPLE will defend actual abuse like it is nothing. To the hilt, and you're sitting there wondering wtf.

BIWI · 22/04/2023 09:39

Do you report them if you think they're defending abuse?

FloydPepper · 22/04/2023 12:51

BIWI · 22/04/2023 09:39

Do you report them if you think they're defending abuse?

I have reported people defending abuse by women against men. It very rarely gets deleted.

Rosieblue12 · 14/08/2023 22:25

Teapot1990 · 20/04/2023 22:23

Is it just me who feels like mumsnet is full of people trying to shame others and show off about themselves? I rarely feel good about the things I read on here and think it's almost as bad as social media.

I totally agree Teapot, i found your post because i just googled ''why is mumsnet so toxic'' , Im constantly left amazed and angered by the amount of nasty Judgemental people on here.

CopperSeahorses · 14/08/2023 22:32

LakieLady · 21/04/2023 09:50

I had terrific support when my DP died suddenly and a beautiful blanket from the "woolly huggers" too. Mine is on my bed, and it cheers me several times a day.

I've seen fantastic support on here for people with money, legal, and health problems, it's a different place away from AIBU.

Show quote history

I was here under a different name when DH was dying, I had great support and would've loved a blanket. I never understood why some people got blankets and others didn't.

WhateverMate · 14/08/2023 22:35

Rosieblue12 · 14/08/2023 22:25

I totally agree Teapot, i found your post because i just googled ''why is mumsnet so toxic'' , Im constantly left amazed and angered by the amount of nasty Judgemental people on here.

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I'm surprised you continue to post here if it's got to the point where you'd Google that?

Teapleasebobb · 14/08/2023 22:47

Agreed op. I'm surprised at the amount of responses that are just fucking rude. There seems to be more people wanting to tear you down and belittle you than help you out.

thisisasurvivor · 14/08/2023 22:50

Ughhh in some ways yes

Like my thread
I know I'm being dim

I know sod all about cleaning tiles

But don't jump on me for having pets in the utility room if they are soaking wet (the most spoiled pets in the world ) just too much really

Rosieblue12 · 14/08/2023 22:53

WhateverMate · 14/08/2023 22:35

I'm surprised you continue to post here if it's got to the point where you'd Google that?

Show quote history

you are one of the people this post is talking about #toxic

Moveoverdarlin · 14/08/2023 22:54

I’m fairly new, and no I don’t think it’s toxic. It gives you a very broad idea of what life is like for many different women. Some people seem very fortunate and others are in terrible situations. It opens your eyes.

WhateverMate · 14/08/2023 22:57

Rosieblue12 · 14/08/2023 22:53

you are one of the people this post is talking about #toxic

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Don't be so silly.

It's comments like that, that really minimise toxicity.

I was just surprised that someone would continue to post here, if they felt they had to Google why MN is so toxic, and then bump a 4 month old thread.

Rosieblue12 · 15/08/2023 00:32

WhateverMate · 14/08/2023 22:57

Don't be so silly.

It's comments like that, that really minimise toxicity.

I was just surprised that someone would continue to post here, if they felt they had to Google why MN is so toxic, and then bump a 4 month old thread.

Show quote history

what is not to understand? i googled it because i like a lot of others here i feel that there is a lot of toxicity here, so i googled it, like we google a lot of things, its not rocket science love.

diamondinaruff · 15/08/2023 00:38

It's really changed over the 15 years I've been on here . I find it much harder to post now . It's often a pile on and cruel.

YeahOkWhatever · 15/08/2023 00:45

Yes, full of people who just NEED to get a dig in....not sure why, especially when many posters are at their most vulnerable. That said, there are also some lovely and supportive people here too!

Also, money is interesting on here, I saw someone describe themselves as a 'low earner' on 40k! Aye ok, low for certain bits of London or similar but still well over the average salary of £31ish k (quick Google give a few options hence the ish). Also the same thread showed the weird hypocrisy that exists here with "financial independence is so very important for a woman in a straight relationship where the man is main earner" to "if your husband doesn't unconditionally share every penny with you then you should leave him".

YeahOkWhatever · 15/08/2023 00:48

Also, if members and MNHQ (the automatic hint to start a new thread when you find one on a search) hate old threads so much, why are they not just automatically deleted after a certain time? Seems to be crime of the century to comment on an old thread....

Monday55 · 15/08/2023 01:25

Some people are deliberately obtuse especially on the AIBU posts. Not sure if it's because they haven't lived a little & can't put themselves in other people's shoes or they're just having a bad life and are taking it out on others.

echt · 15/08/2023 01:28

Teapot1990 · 20/04/2023 22:23

Is it just me who feels like mumsnet is full of people trying to shame others and show off about themselves? I rarely feel good about the things I read on here and think it's almost as bad as social media.

Could you give examples of what you mean about show-offs, shaming?

Mrmojorising71 · 15/08/2023 01:31

Mumsnet is extremely toxic but addictive, it's the way of the world unfortunately 🤷‍♀️

PriOn1 · 15/08/2023 01:43

PonyPatter44 · 20/04/2023 22:25

Try looking on some of the boards that aren't AIBU, and you'll get a much better view of Mumsnet.

It’s very unpredictable though. I asked for help on the Mental Health section once, thinking that nastiness wouldn’t be allowed, but had to have my post pulled a couple of days later as I was being accused of selfishness and animal cruelty. There was zero compassion for me, even though I was frightened and rightly so, as I was diagnosed with significant neurological problems shortly afterwards. Relationships is usually better, I think, but there are areas which MN ought to clamp down on a lot more than they do.

SunRainStorm · 15/08/2023 01:44

It absolutely can be, but it also helps a lot of people.

Every day there seems to be at least one woman posting 'AIBU' who doesn't realise until people tell her that not only is she reasonable, she is in an abusive relationship or an otherwise terrible situation.

A few years ago I was one of those women. I posted on here (under a different name) because I felt bad for upsetting a family member. My eyes were opened that the situation I'd been putting up with and taking blame for- was actually a clear case of people bullying and abusing me. I was just too deep into it to realise myself.

Once it was pointed out, I was able to stand up for myself and improve my quality of life and that of my children.

There is some brutal honesty on here, but it cuts both ways.

Slicknotslick · 15/08/2023 01:52

Nice place in Dec 2021 when I was in an awful sales job.

But by January 2023 I was having to fight off Mumsnetters who know nothing what it was like to have back ache and when only ungrateful surgery could be rid of your pain, how you should make it into work, they insisted on telling you it was 10x worse for them. and I'm sorry it put me off Mumsnet and wondered where the people of late 2021 had gone.

WhereTheSuburbsMeetUttoxeter · 15/08/2023 02:00

Rosieblue12 · 14/08/2023 22:53

you are one of the people this post is talking about #toxic

Show quote history

No, that's not toxic, it's a general thought.

Why did this person Google Mumsnet toxicity to revive an old thread?

You could have started your own thread, or joined a different group on here - chat, pets, health, legal.

@WhateverMate does have a point.

So, I haven't got to the end of thread yet, but what did lead you to Google what you did? Genuine question.

coxesorangepippin · 15/08/2023 02:09

Yeah it's really crap

Very addictive though

WhereTheSuburbsMeetUttoxeter · 15/08/2023 05:40

coxesorangepippin · 15/08/2023 02:09

Yeah it's really crap

Very addictive though

That made me chuckle.

Most addictive stuff is crap.

Unlike your goodself @coxesorangepippin I struggle to eat an apple. Wave a fat burger in front of me though and I could almost break in to a ... a... speed walk 🤣

Riapia · 15/08/2023 06:45

Any opinions on AIBU are not necessarily those of the person posting them.