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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mumsnet is toxic

152 replies

Teapot1990 · 20/04/2023 22:23

Is it just me who feels like mumsnet is full of people trying to shame others and show off about themselves? I rarely feel good about the things I read on here and think it's almost as bad as social media.

OP posts:
foxlover47 · 21/04/2023 12:24

Definitely sometimes it is , personally I have had lots of really great advice on here , I posted just yesterday and I am honestly grateful for the replies.
I have seen people get jumped on for literally asking a question though which seems a bit unfair

sst1234 · 21/04/2023 12:45

OP, I bet you can’t enough of it though. People who complain about social media being toxic spend the most time on it and realise the drama. So quit with the faux outrage.

Deathbyfluffy · 21/04/2023 12:47

It's the same on Facebook and other platforms - people trying to one-up each other and make themselves feel better about their own misgivings.
If we all shared a little more love and vowed to be just a touch more kind, it'd be a much better place (as would Facebook).

It is what it is though - the world is full of dicks.

MyFaceIsAnAONB · 21/04/2023 12:48

YANBU yet here we are!

One of my only vices really. Don’t know why I do it to myself!

MyFaceIsAnAONB · 21/04/2023 12:48

To be fair it’s more helpful than Google a lot of the time.

losingmymarblesagain · 21/04/2023 13:01

Meh

Mumsnet is toxic
Verv · 21/04/2023 13:08

Most forums have a Bear Pit type board, AIBU is Mumsnets version.
The existence of it tends to leave other subsections free of those deliberately looking for provoke or scrap.
On the whole, no, I dont think MN is toxic.

baddecisions11 · 21/04/2023 13:11

PonyPatter44 · 20/04/2023 22:25

Try looking on some of the boards that aren't AIBU, and you'll get a much better view of Mumsnet.

Yes why are the responses on the AIBU board so nasty and uncalled for ! (Some of them)

CamoFlamingo · 21/04/2023 13:11

I think that's just the internet in general tbh.

CamoFlamingo · 21/04/2023 13:12

Although I agree with those saying the rest of the board generally is a bit more pleasant than aibu.

WhatALightbulbMoment · 21/04/2023 13:13

Mumsnet IS a type of social media!

Neededanewuserhandle · 21/04/2023 13:15

Not this shit again.
If it's so awful try somewhere else OP.

Springsummer23 · 21/04/2023 13:15

Greensunflower123 · 20/04/2023 22:43

Yes, absolutely toxic a lot of the time.

The vile and vitriol poured by keyboard warriors at people who are obviously upset and vulnerable really winds me up.

The worst was a thread where a 24 year old who was two weeks postpartum and asking for housing advice, ( she and her newborn lived with elderly grandparents with dementia), had pages of posters yelling at her that ( "you're just not normal, three pregnancies by 24 is just disgusting"), despite her stating in the opening post she had lost the previous pregnancy at 17 weeks and PTSD from this).

How anyone felt it acceptable to be so cruel to a young woman who had a two week old newborn, was living with / caring for an elderly grandparent with dementia and was coping with PTSD from the 17 week loss I will never know.

Unfortunately, Mumsnet is imo particularly toxic to: SAHM's, women with accidental pregnancies, young mother's, anyone who has ever had to claim benefits ever, women experiencing DV , ( "you are a disgrace for putting up with this,") anyone with any kind of housing problem or anyone who might be vulnerable.

100% agree with you. Why did you put yourself in this situation, why didn't you choose a better partner/farther for your child/ren ? Wheres the fathers ? Then spend 30 pages riding the op apart .

Sunnysunbun · 21/04/2023 13:16

I disagree but I’m wearing my tiara and Hermes bag while I do it.

I think it depends where you look. The health boards are great for advice and travel. But there are strangely toxic people around.

ItsThePlayBusDingDing · 21/04/2023 13:17

MN has helped me through an abusive relationship, the deaths of my children, my cancer diagnosis and so, so much more (been on here over a decade now).

There are some shitty people who like a fight, but there is infinitely more good here than bad on here.

xnyl · 21/04/2023 13:17

It's extremely toxic

Acatnamedfox · 21/04/2023 13:23

Completely agree, I’m sure I’ll be accused of being a ‘snowflake’ but some users/responses are horrid, their only intention I’m sure, is to make someone feel as miserable as them.
It’s become quite tedious and I’m using the site less and less, as previous responses suggested finding it more pleasurable when I come here actively looking for a solution to something on a certain section.

Choconut · 21/04/2023 13:29

The only think I really don't like with MN is when someone picks up on a tiny, irrelevant thing from someones original post and then goes on, and on, and on about it so that it takes over the whole thread.

AllIeveknewonlyou · 21/04/2023 13:29

I think you have to be careful if you're feeling fragile and post, some can get quite cruel. So you have to be able to step away from it/report if you have a nasty comment.

Spottypillow · 21/04/2023 13:30

I remember posting with PND and feeling like I had no support network and really upset that my mum didn’t seem to care about me. I was screaming out for help or support and all I got was you can’t expect grandparents to help you. I cried for days and the responses were awful. I remember trying to explain in my PND haze and got told no you are just saying this as you want to go out and party (wasn’t the case at all)

People aren’t great at reading between the lines and take a very small paragraph as the whole truth.

Anything I say on hear I would say to someone in real life….I doubt other posters can say that

Jellytotsburnmytongue · 21/04/2023 13:36

There are people who come on to shame others and to show off.

However, there are also people who are really supportive, and share really good advice and tips.

I also find that it depends what kind of threads you read. Some of them are hilarious, I really think that some mumsnetters are comedians. The funny threads can really brighten up the day.

Foxache2023 · 21/04/2023 13:38

MNers will tell you the things people say in their head and behind your back.
If it's too much, hide a thread.
It's important that people can express their thoughts anonymously online which trumps our feelings. Some people really need a reality check and can't handle the truth.
It's one thing if you get one arsey reply but if several posters are saying the same thing, you need to re examine yours situation.
Some people are super sensitive and cry ridiculously easily it doesn't mean what was said was actually toxic.
If you can't handle the heat, stay out of the kitchen!

DustyLee123 · 21/04/2023 13:41

Yep, frequently toxic.

eellww · 21/04/2023 13:43

Wholeheartedly agree. Yet to see the benefit of this forum. In every thread I see judgement, word twisting, bigotry and hatred and it affects my mental health and makes me fear for the world my child will come into because people are so unkind, discriminatory, intense and relentless. This is not a safe space in my experience.

DowntownKingston · 21/04/2023 13:46

MN must never be taken seriously.